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    Post

    Egogram (Why i left Instagram)

    The last major social media site i used was IG. I am a creative person and i used it for that purpose. I was kind to others, tried to be real in my posts and also supportive of others who were creative people or those who enjoyed my creativity.

    Over time i met artists in a few areas that i have appreciated for years. Many of them were very kind privately but publicly adhered to this role of having to maintain a public facing ego. At the end of the day what mattered was numbers of likes, follower counts and feeling better than others it seemed although privately they were genuinely great people.

    None of this probably is a surprise to anyone here reading this but after awhile i found it difficult to watch other people, creative or not, well known or not, feel as though their self worth depended on like and follower counts. It became incredibly depressing to see people liking their own posts to increase counts to inflate their status in some artificial way. It became so obvious none of it was healthy no matter how many genuine connections could be made there, the platform itself was the issue.

    I had stopped using other major social media long before IG was the only one left. Extremism and negativity that prevails on all sides of every issue became overwhelming and i saw it for how nonsensical and toxic it is.

    Now i spend my time offline mostly or when i'm online viewing content and not participating on platforms that deliver it otherwise (YouTube, private Twitter to see news on things i follow / enjoy / am interested in).

    For years as i struggled with my own mental health i felt as though i was unhealthy, but the more i pay attention, the more i see in the world around me...

    I see how far i've come and how well i'm doing considering the health issues i have. I'm not attacking people online, arguing with strangers, yelling into the void picking fights, and i'm no longer spending my time being depressed by seeing good people get turned into egomaniacs seeking likes and followers on IG.

    I may not be perfect, i may still struggle at times, but as far as i can see in 2022 given life on Earth in general, i'm doing pretty well considering and that's what counts.

    #SocialMedia #Instagram #Ego #MentalHealth #Awareness #selfawareness #OnlineHealth #online #Society #BipolarDisorder #Anxiety #PTSD #Perspective

    Post
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    #overthinking about #School #TheFuture #gaslight narcisstic abuse survivor

    I just looked up when's the #DeadLine for #Admission to an #online #School and just doing that made me feel #anxious #Anxiety

    I've #Struggled #academically all my life. Was always a C/D student with a few Bs in the mix. I hated all forms of schooling: #inclass #oneonone #Tutor ing #online . Every single one I struggled with.

    The highest degree I currently have is an #AssociateDegree . And I barely passed when getting that. Hey, but C's get degrees right?

    Last year I was taking online courses to get my bachelor's, but I was doing sp bad that the school kicked me out. I hated every second of it. The reading, the listening, the video chat room meetings. I just hated it.

    I hate it so much that now I have to force myself to use my laptop because my brain associates my laptop with school and just thinking about using it in any way gives me a headache. I literally stop using my laptop after the school kicked me out because I felt so bad. So guilty. That I got kicked out of school.

    I was never a terrible student in primary or high school or junoir college when in came to disciplining. Yes, I was on academic probation at one point in each of my academic level life, but I never made it get so bad as to get kicked out.

    Online schooling was so new to me it took me a whole year to figure out how to actually attend classes. Plus I was also just stepping into the world of work when I started doing online classes. But that's not an excuse to fail and get kicked out of school. So many people do school and work and have kids and have multiple jobs.

    In comparison to them, I only had one job and was still living with my parents. Well, my parents are narcisstic so that's like living on thin ice: it's always cold and your bound to cause a crack with every move you make.

    They were a major cause of my past academic downfall in my previous academic levels. However, I should have been use to dealing with them already, therefore they can't be an excuse for me now either. I made it through primary, secondary and junior college with them constantly physically, emotionally, financially, and psychologically abusing me hence I should have been able to handle them plus online school.

    But then again, online school ment I would be at home MORE, whereas all my previous academic life I had to leave home to attend classes. Maybe being around them more affected me more than I like to admit. Maybe that's why I'm currently struggling again because COVID has me stuck home and I'm constantly around them 24/7.

    I see my only escape from my parents, who are the main cause of my mental health problems, is for me to get a job and move out.

    I want to start school again in January because account to everyone in my family-Thats what you do. You have an associated degree therefore you must get a bacholers and masters degree or else you're doing nothing with your life. "AND in order to get a GOOD job you HAVE TO have a master's degree!! "

    Post

    Online dating with BPD

    I've been single for well over 2 years. It has been an excruciating couple few years. Part of me is proud that (as someone with borderline personality disorder) I haven't completely lost it. I had never even been single for more than 6 months since high school.

    I've been on and off of dating apps. I've begun to notice that my attachment is happening quicker than I would prefer.

    I was talking to this woman who would have been perfect for my BPD. But I got all weird and ruined it. She brought attention to the fact that we had been talking everyday for a week. I hadn't noticed. Once she mentioned it, I went down the rabbit hole with it. All of a sudden it was over. I started freaking out about what it meant and what it could mean. Naturally, that meant that my BPD was going to ruin it, or her.

    It was an awkward week after that, but the next week was on point. I asked her about meeting up (that first week we talked about it all the time) but she made a point to reiterate only as friends. I am always offended when I am told multiple times is only as friend. So then I went borderline again. Then she used words that trigger me. And that was it. I blew up her phone, apologizing and ending "it."

    When that happens and I disassociate it is like I have zero control. I know I'm doing it, I don't want to do it, but it is like someone else is driving my body. At times an internal struggle with myself. Sometimes, I can hold off for a bit of time, but it always picks back up.

    This chick could have been rad. As per usual I fucked it up before it started. This is the second time this year. When things like this happen I tend to give up dating for awhile. I'm terrified of hurting anyone the way I had before. I don't want anyone to suffer because of me.

    #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPD #OnlineDating #online #Lesbian #Depression #MentalHealth #MentalHealth #Dissassociating #singleforever #single #singleforever

    Question

    What are some good interactive material I can share with students via online with mental health obstacles #Student #online #MentalHealth #COVID19

    I am a psych tech for a school based partial hospitalization program working with high school ages teens. We have a wide variety of mental health struggles within our 20 students we have. With COVID-19 running its course our school has shut down and the kids are without face-to-face services they regularly get with us. Me and my 3 other coworkers have set up a google classroom for the students where we all can chat and do "groups" together. My question is; is there any online group activities or material in general I can get my students involved in via online? Anything is appreciated!

    Post

    #UbiBot #online #store

    UbiBot provides great discounts on Wireless Sensors, external probes, wireless sensor greenhouse bundle, cable splitter, water-resistant items, and much more. The store delivers the products on time with specific warranty and easy return policy.

    Question

    Has anyone tried online therapy? #Therapy #online #Apps #Advice

    My work schedule makes it difficult to find a therapist outside of work hours, and I don't want to miss a lot of work. So I was wondering if anyone has tried any of the websites or apps to speak with a psychologist. I'm not sure if any of them would accept my insurance but I would love any advice or to hear any experiences you've had. Thanks in advance!

    Post

    My way of dealing with anxiety when #online

    I get so #anxious when talking to people #online, #SocialMedia & over #Text that I invented my own language, I call "gr". I made everyone interact with memorize (somewhat) it. Now I can talk to people without being #superanxious ! :D

    Post

    a shoutout

    Just wanted to give a shoutout to the online spoonie community and the chats and forums that help make this journey with chronic illness easier to deal with. Especially Young People with Chronic illnesses. The Spoonie Spotlights always inspire on Instagram. <3 #Spoonie #ypcistrong #Disability #online