firstpost

I wonder if when a bull is placed in a
ring
to be
rode or fought
If they are trying to pretend that things
are
normal
despite being in the
midst
of a
crises

The bull is in a crises, right?
They have been in captivity
lead around
unfamiliar places,
with plenty of plodding,
whipping
Constantly being reprimanded
'Keep up, keep up.'
Suddenly, the bull is let loose
into
a
ring.
Hundreds or thousands
of faces
encircle it
laughing, jeering, taunting, mocking, cheering
I'm afraid if our sweet bull complained to a doctor
they would up their anti-psychotics
But the bull is just behaving normally,
right?
After all,
bulls are massive, muscular and fat,
they're territorial
they stomp, snort, charge and maul;
So I've heard.
It's part of who they are, right?
So, if a bull is in
a
ring
far away
from open fields,
beating sun,
driving rain,
mates,
competition, predators
Is the bull just trying to pretend
things are normal
amidst
a
crises?

I’m gonna be blatantly honest with my posts so I'm gonna add a trigger warning now and to any further posts that may have triggering content.

Hi! My name is Sam, I guess this is an intro to my page. I don’t know what i’m looking to get out of this page but i’m guessing mainly support and an online diary. My main goal is to express myself freely without being attacked or targeted as a person for what I've been through. It also feels nice to have a place to rant and hopefully others can understand.

I hate having a diagnosis for how I think but I guess it helps treat and understand myself better. I feel like I’m collecting pokemon at this point. I've been diagnosed with Bipolar, Generalized anxiety, Panic disorder, ADHD, Depression, and Gender dysphoria.

I hope that’s a good enough intro for now. I look forward to being on this site and expressing myself without judgement and showing my support for others. Thank you all for reading!

Sam

#firstpost #Bipolar #GAD #Anxiety #panic #ADHD #Depression #GenderDysphoria

*Trigger Warning Suicide*
I’ve been battling depression and anxiety for most of my life and within the last year, I’ve been going through treatment and it’s seemed to be working. I’ve been doing so good then today happened. I woke up feeling like I just don’t belong here. I don’t want to be here. I feel like a grain of sand on the beach. If one grain of sand goes missing, no one even notices. Im mad that I’m here and I’m even more mad that I can’t give my life to someone who wants to be here and deserves to be here. I’m just so disappointed and frustrated with myself. I haven’t been this low in a very long time. This season of life is just so difficult that I don’t know what else to do. I know I have learned the skills to help in this type of situation, but I feel so stuck in my head that they’re just not working. Why does this happen? Going from doing so well, to literally crashing. I just don’t understand. #firstpost #Depression