I wake up every day hoping the #fog will clear but it rarely ever does. It’s like being #underground and seeing the #light and #goals way above but they’re hardly visible. I feel like I’m trying to figure out how to navigate and get up there, over one the #Pain and #Fatigue , and just see the light. Each day seems harder and I am continually being beaten down by societies demands just to stay alive, live, eat, breathe, function and get any type of care. My family has #Abandoned me because, as my sister said. “She just can’t.” My children have not abandoned me but they have their lives and because it’s so hard to travel, or get through each day, seeing them is rare. The bank is trying to take my house, just because they want it and not because I don’t, or can’t pay. I feel numb inside and scared. What happens if…? Do I become another statistic and #Homeless , alone and #suffering and no one cares? I’m not sure that’s depression or reality and reality sucks enough to make you feel depressed. I don’t want anymore “treatment” from anyone and I can’t afford it anyway . I want this to end. I’m PV
#Fibro #fog has been the worst for me I can’t remember the day before .
Can’t #remember what day it is or what happened or happen during the day the #mind is #empty .
Can’t sleep not sure how long I haven’t slept 😢 .
The pain everywhere in my #body and in my #scalp so #Tender yet so #painful .
Praying for our community for all who are ill who feel their bodies are under attack who feel like they cannot control what is happening to them who feel like the docs can’t see what they see don’t have any answers who just want to scream...... ##ihearyou just asking the universe for some kind of healing anything! Because this cannot be life! I remember what life was like before these monsters stole my body and my mind and it’s not fair!!!!!!!!
I Stumble
Perception has been my reality.
Fantasy
Oil and water
-both together, yet separate-
Clouded
Seeing in part and calling it “the whole.”
I look at my failings as falling
Every mistake, every sinful action
-seen, unseen, perceived-
Over the cliff, over the edge I go.
I delight myself in the LORD
I truly believe I do
Sometimes my brain fog
Causes me to think it’s not true.
But if I’m believing in God’s Word and promises
Then I need to change my vocab.
I am imperfect.
I stumble.
Though I stumble, I won’t fall
-I don’t fall-
Because you hold me
You steady me
You guide me
You give me a firm foundation
To stand on
To walk on.
When I stuff up
-whether accidental or blatant-
Help me to remember that you love me
And that I haven’t fallen
I’ve just stumbled
And you’re right there to hold me up.
(c) Mark Bryant 4th April 2019
#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #fog
#overcome
#amonthofpromises
#FindStrength
Psalm 37:3 The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in Him; though he stumble, he will not fall, for He holds him up with His hand.
Today’s soul feast is not about gluttony,
Nor a banquet as a reward for self-sacrifice.
It’s the promise of the Holy Spirit
Indwelling and Outpouring
A life of righteousness, joy and peace.
Spiritually poor and bankrupt I come,
My life of legalism and judgement
I lay at your feet.
My life of sorrow
Has rendered me incomplete
So I trade my strivings and action
For your rest and peace.
Only you can truly remove the seals from my eyes
And lift the fog from my mind.
From my actions seeking everything to be reconciled
To meet my needs for perfection
And satisfy self-inflicted O.C.D.
Help me to rest
And for you to be my righteousness,
My home
My comfort
The end of striving.
(C) Mark Bryant - 3 April 2019
#MentalHealth
#Depression
#Anxiety
#overcome
#fog
#OCD
#amonthofpromises
Matthew 5:3 - Blessed are those who recognise they are spiritually helpless. The Kingdom of Heaven belongs to them.
Romans 14:17 For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.
#52SmallThings SUNNY DAYS CHILLY NITES i CRAWL BACK INTO MY CHILDHOOD MOSTLY GOOD AND REMEMBER LITTLE THINGS LIKE THE WAY MY GRANDMOTHER SMELLED AND VOICES THAT WERE IN MY LIFE i DO THIS WHEN i CANT SLEEP AND GET FRUSTRATED ALSO i GET PEN AND PAPER AND JUST START DRAWING CIRCLES AND THESE THINGS TURN INTO COOL PICS
For years I feel like I’ve been living in a fog. One that was created by being beaten down by my immediate family. My mom, dad and brother. For the longest time, it’s like pieces of my memory we’re just gone. They would talk about certain events and I would have no recollection of them. This last time I was committed I didn’t let anyone be involved in my treatment, including my husband, I wanted to make sure that I focused on what was best for me so that hopefully this would be my last stay in a place like that. The only problem with that is, the fog and all that had been buried with it had now been unburied. And all I can say is wow. It’s kind of like Pandora’s box, now that it’s been opened I can’t shut it back up again. Those pieces that went missing, well, they went missing because I hated my family, I never fit in, so those parts that didn’t fit I hid them until they no longer existed. Now that I stopped speaking to them, I can see bits of those things coming back. My mind is clear and I’m remembering all the things they tried to change about me and how ashamed they were to let anyone know that I suffered from any type of mental illness, let alone that I had tried to kill myself. At 32 I’m struggling to understand why parents would feel like they found it okay to beat their child down until they gave up and stopped being themselves? As a mother now I know that my daughter is my greatest gift and no matter what she decides to be like later in life I will embrace it whole heartedly because being an individual is what’s most important.
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