generalized

So yesterday I dressed up a bit to go to facilitate a peer to peer mental health group. It is a very casual setting and most of the time we are all dressed in jeans and comfy tops, T-shirts and the like. I was feeling good and wanted to look good too. It was a fun change. When I got home I took a picture of myself in my full length bathroom mirror (I didn't have anyone who could take a picture at the time). I liked it. I sent the picture to my daughter and she really liked it. Then I began wondering what the heck I was thinking. As we do, I systematically tore my looks to bits. I've inwardly cringed, thinking about what others must think when they look at me. I'm not one of the beautiful people! Today, I began my day by not wanting to even go outside... I must be hideous! I was embarrassed. But then I realized something: I not only was letting echoes of my Step-Father's voice that told me how ugly I was get to me even after all of these years, but allowing my mental illness to control my own self esteem. I would never talk to a friend the way I was talking to myself! I would point out all of the good qualities in her picture and in life! I would build her up, not tear her down, so what was I doing?! I don't know why we do these terrible things to ourselves. I'm worthy of self love, self appreciation. I restarted my thoughts with realizing I'm not hideous; small children don't laugh at me, dogs don't bark and try to run away when I approach. My looks are fine. My beauty is in my soul... right where it should be. I hope you have a wonderful day and accept yourself as you are.

hey everyone..i posted a coup days ago about being very proud of myself for getting clean for a week..well i relapsed twice since then

i cannot control these impulses..if im j
not using then im online shopping and im not going to lie..i spend more then i make a month

im a caregiver so i make decent money and supposed to be saving up for a car. bc im 35 w licsense but no vehicle..im buying skin products, makeup,hair products

just anything that will make me look better and feel better..i actually spend more on online shopping then i do using..

idk how to fight the urges..when i got clean from meth i started overspending.my biological dad got back in my life when i was on meth but didn't know I was using at the time

well he bought me any and everything i wanted..he was out of my life for my whole life and showed up in the hospital when i almost died from pumonia

well when i got clean from.meth..i was in severe withdrawal so i told him im getting clean from meth..he then stopped giving me money and buying me stuff

so i picked up on it and i wish he wouldn't have tried to buy my love bc all it has done is make me materialistic and know that his love isnt real for me..any suggestions on how to control impulsive behavior would help alot..and ty for reading my story..

is it just me or does anyone else experience body stiffness? is it from having illness or stress??

I was called for jury duty this next week. I'm having a bit of anxiety over it. I was called in the winter but got out of it because that was my busy season with my
Pet sitting business. Well, this coming week will also be busy with pets and doctor's appointments but I didn't think they would let me out twice so I didn't ask for another postponement. One of the doctor appointments is a brand new doctor that in my city takes months, and I mean months, to get into. That same day I have an appointment with my psychiatrist who is retiring so it will be the last time I see him. I've been treated by him for over 15 yrs! The third doctor appointment the next day is for my eye and I absolutely need to see the specialist that day to get the injection for the retinal vein occlusion I have to keep the treatment going on schedule so that I don't lose my sight completely. I'm not sure what to do. To attempt to reschedule everything will be a nightmare! The thing is I may not be called to go to the court house at all because I have a high number, but I'm not sure if I should count on that. If I get stuck being called in, I have to find coverage for the dogs, cancel my appointments and it would probably be for just sitting around because I'm sure no lawyer would want a chronically ill, bipolar person on their jury! ARGH! I already caused a mistrial 30 years ago when I was pregnant and went into preterm labor during a trial that the judge wouldn't let me out of saying a high risk pregnancy wasn't an excuse and there were no alternates. What a mess! Has anyone else been called for jury duty? What did you do?

#Bipolar II #generalized Anxiety #Fibromyalgia # Retinal Vein Occlusion #OccipitalNeuralgia

I've been feeling worse than usual lately about my life and myself. I have #depression and #generalized anxiety disorder. I have no family of my own and no friends to speak of so therefore no support system. Finding it very hard to get out of my head. What can I do ?

Any suggestions for coping with panic/anxiety attacks #Anxiety #generalized anxiety disorder #OCD