Idontknowwhattodo

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    I don’t get it…| Mentions of fleas

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    Why are these stupid fleas still here?? Our cat has a flea collar on and it’s been 50-60 degrees. It’s cold on my room, and the one or two 70 degree days we’ve had in fall (that or because of the rain, a gnat comes out only in my room! Summer already sucked because of these stupid pests and it seriously drove me mad, and I just want them gone already! I’ve literally sprayed and have light traps and everything!

    The worst part is that it’s just in my room, no one elses. Our cat barely has gone in my room, not even for that long. She hasn’t been in there since a month ago..

    And we got her in 2019! I thought that fleas would’ve stopped appearing after the first infestation but apparently not! I don’t know what to do. Summer already drove me crazy and mad and so angry. I’m so sick of this, I just want it to stop already… /vneg

    Any advice?

    #helpme #Autism #anger #feelinghelpless #Idontknowwhattodo

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    I keep making all these changes and nothing changes.

    I take my medications as prescribed by my psychiatrist. I don't smoke or drink. I eat healthy, I exercise and I volunteer. I mind my own business, I don't believe in punishing others for my insecurities. I don't allow my condition to reign over me or define me. My symptoms are intense but I still manage to keep my dignity. I am a very negative thinker but people tell me how encouraging I am to them.

    I'm doing all the right things, how come I don't feel right about any of it?

    I believe in keeping the peace but I never feel peaceful.

    In the past 19 years I've been on 10 different medications to manage my bipolar disorder. Where is this so-called recovery everyone keeps talking about?

    #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #dualdiagnoses #Depression #Sadness #biploarepisodes #moodswings #feelinghoplessandpurposeless #ifeeldefeated #Anxiety #Mania #visualhallucinations #suicidalideations #homicidalideations #Insomnia #delusional paranoia #extremeguilt #Psychiatrist #psychothreapy #medications #Idontknowwhattodo #icantkeeplivinglikethisitsabsolutetorture

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    Feels like I have nobody who truly cares

    Everyone has been leaving or I feel as though no one really cares and I don’t know who to talk to or what to do I feel like giving up but I know I can’t but it seems like the only option right now... it’s also so easy to lie to the mental health people but I lied because I’m scared to go back into the mental hospital we have I just don’t know what to do anymore..... #SuicidalThoughts #lost #Idontknowwhattodo #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PTSD

    Question

    I don’t know how to tell anyone about my undiagnosed ED. I’m scared and don’t want to say anything, but I also feel like screaming it out. Any advice?

    I’m struggling with an undiagnosed eating disorder, half the time I wake up wanting to cry because I don’t want to eat, but I’m hungry. My diagnosed depression and anxiety don’t help the situation either. #scared #Idontknowwhattodo #Overweight #Tryingtobehealthy #Stress #Depression #Anxiety #EatingDisorders #Undiagnosed

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    She’s toxic but I love her to death

    For a few years now, I just thought my mom was controlling but recently I’ve been thinking that she is somewhat of a narcissist.

    She would tell me all through my teen years that she didn’t like what I was wearing, how I did my makeup and hair, what music I listened to, etc.

    Most of my teen years I literally gave up to help her with my three little brothers and any time she would confront me over the littlest thing, I would put my head down, mumble “yes ma’am” and do what she wanted me to do. And that got worse when I hit rock bottom with my depression and starting self harming.

    And after I was practically forced to tell my parents about my mental health, it’s really been bad.

    She and I used to fight constantly cause I started snapping back at her which would make her more pissed off and I still do that now because she can make a good day a horrible one with a few words. We don’t argue as much anymore because I steer clear of subjects that end in fighting. She gets pissed about that too.

    I can’t go to her and talk about my mental health for she’ll turn the conversation onto her and when her depression hits every once in awhile, it’s alright for her to take it easy while I can’t.

    One little thing like not telling her something results her saying she had lost all trust in me. She has gone into my room and completely ripped it apart, read things for my eyes only, had thrown away so many of my notebooks and things she didn’t like. Well right back at you, mom. My trust in her ended years ago.

    Sometimes she’ll completely ignore me if I’m talking to her, literally about anything, and then say she didn’t hear me when I ask if she did. But if I don’t hear what she has said or forget what she said, she gets so pissed off.

    She has used my issues against me time and time again and has said things that I used to repeat to myself when I was self harming and literally begging God to just let me die. I’ve snapped at her and broken down crying which allows her to comfort me but she never apologises for her words.

    I’m supposed to apologize though when I snap but she’ll keep using the conversation against me even after I apologize.

    I have to tell her what I’m doing, who I’m talking to, where I’m going and I have to tell her when I’m going to go get tattooed and oh boy she gets pissed when I don’t even though it’s my time, body and money.

    I have memory issues due to my and if we get into an argument and I bring up a past situation, she’ll tell me I’m remembering it differently because that’s not how it happened. She’ll only bring things up that help with her case and refuses to acknowledge anything that doesn’t. I can’t even count the times I’ve sat on my bed and looked at my nightstand where I still keep my blades. 3 years self harm free and I still think about harming myself constantly because I feel like I’m a fuck up.

    (Continued down in comments)

    #Depression #Anxiety #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #Controlling #Idontknowwhattodo

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    Asking for help

    How are you supposed to ask for help when you have no idea what you need? I’m ready to kill myself, the only thing stopping me is that I’m scared to do it, but I can already tell that won’t hold me back long. My mom keeps telling me if there’s anything she can do just to ask. How do I ask her for help when I have no idea what to ask for? #Suicide #Depression #help #GettingHelp #CheckInWithMe #Idontknowwhattodo

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    It is what it is.

    After my experience and The Landmark Forum I was really surprised and felt really good about myself. I realize so much about me and who I am not. I realized my relationship with my family and some friends and how I can’t to be complete with them. I apologize to so many ppl and if felt good. When going through that and reach out to as much people as I can, there is one person who I told how authentic and inauthentic I was with. When I saw his replay yea it made me happy but then I started to over think which wasn’t good. So I stop myself and told myself accept and move on, which I did but for a few days. Now I can’t stop thinking about it & him. Because there was more to say to him, but I was nervous. I want to tell him but my gut feels scared & nervous what will happen. I just know if I do it I’m going to have to accept either way. #confused #Anxiety #Idontknowwhattodo

    Question

    Does anyone else have a hard time leaving a job even though it’s bad for your health?

    The first place I quit face to face I had a major panic attack. Today as I talked to a future employer same thing was happening. But even though I personally love the people. I cannot handle this place mentally. At first I tried to deny it. Cover it with medication. But even the meds are not working. Nothing is working. #Idontknowwhattodo

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    Nervous & Anxious.

    So today is the first day of the landmark thing that my parents signed me up to do. I honestly don’t know what to expect. I’m nervous because I didn’t know my dad was coming along as well, I thought I was going to do this on my own which I honestly what I wanted. I’m scared and just not thinking straight. I just need help or someone to tell what to do. #Anxiety #Idontknowwhattodo