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At war with my body...

When you pass me in the street, one would assume that there is nothing wrong with my body, but only those closest to me would know the truth.
Every day is a repetitive cycle of blood tests, injections and tablets. All for the sake of functioning so I do my job and live my life.
But there are times that I wish that I didn’t have to do any of those things, just to feel “normal”, to be like my friends that don’t have to worry about how much carbohydrate they consume or if that activity is going to cause more pain the next day.
I’ve been doing this for the past 5yrs and I’m still struggling to find my inner balance. #DiabetesType1 #ChronicPain #invisabledisabilities

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This says it all #bekindalways #invisabledisabilities

I wish more people would stop and think before they act. Words hurt and you can’t take them back once they’ve been said. You might be able to apologize but it doesn’t fully heal the wound you caused.

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Mania, mania, mania #Mania

Been manic for months now. Not sleeping, creativity abounding painting my nails almost every day. Feel so irritable inside. Medication has been adjusted but I still am not settling. Looking forward to a tattoo. Lots of things to buy lately. Hard to see where the line between mania and reality blurs. What is safe? What is over the line? I hate these times! #Bipolar1Disorder #invisabledisabilities #MentalHealth #CheckInWithMe


Part III

19 years old. I’m in a new relationship and I feel on top of the world. I fell in love with him and his family. I finally felt like I belonged. He cheated on me. Then proceeded to get in a relationship with my at the time bestfriend. When I moved out of our place, she moved right in.
20 years old. First day of the year I became homeless with my child. Ended up in a shelter and they tried to help me get on my feet. They got me a place to live. Not in the best neighborhood but I had a roof above my head and knew that I’d have it for the next year. Due to the neighborhood and my anxiety I didn’t even feel comfortable leaving my house. I became a hermit. Couldn’t even bring myself to get a job. I tried. But not as hard as I would’ve if I wasn’t so depressed. I found a new doctor. She seemed alright, way better than my last one at least. I then was diagnosed with PTSD. I was in denial for a while. I always thought “why do I have this? How could I have this? So many other people have been through worse. In comparison to some my life isn’t that bad.” Tried new meds. Still had no relief.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PTSD #MajorDepression #invisabledisabilities #Anxiety

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Part I

11 years old. I was in middle school, I self harmed but always tried to hide my scars. A friend asked to borrow my sweater, of course I gave it to her. Not remembering that I had left my razor in there from the day before. My school sent me to a psychiatric hospital. I then was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder & BPD. My mom wasn’t for medications (she’s been a pharmacy tech for 20 years) so her & I ended up doing family counseling for a few months but nothing ever changed.
13 years old. I met my first “true love.” I know I was young, but I love hard. I loved him. Lost most of my friends because of it. Isolated myself to only him. Been cheated on. Lied too. But we had good moments too, I can’t say that we haven’t.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PTSD #MajorDepression #invisabledisabilities

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