Jealousy

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    Polyamory and jealousy

    Hello! I’m new to The Mighty and almost new to polyamory. A year ago, my husband and I decided to open our marriage. He decided he is polyamorous and I decided I am just ENM. At first I didn’t think anything about it but recently (the last month or two) I got really upset and jealous of him and his other lovers. I got jealous because he fell in love with one of them and gave her a small gift for Christmas. I didn’t like that he gave her such a thoughtful, meaningful gift. It was just a small stuffed bee (representing their first date at a meadery) but it hurt me because it was so thoughtful. I felt like my heart broke. I’m not perfect. Far from it. I lied to him about meeting my first partner at a coffee shop and instead went to his house. I know now how stupid that was of me. That was my first experience with ENM and I was nervous and afraid to admit that I was going to someone’s house instead of meeting him in public first. There were two other instances where I lied/omitted the truth. Needless to say he doesn’t trust me now. Sorry if this post is too long and you’re wondering what the point is. My point is how do you deal with jealousy of your polyamorous partner?

    #Polyamory #Jealousy #ENM

    2 comments
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    Self Imposed Prison - Trapped in my own mind

    When my world came crashing down, I was forced to find my way in the world. Every bad decision I made altered the course of my life. I was stuck in a rut as my father described it. Unfortunately for me; it was much worse than that.

    The rut was one thing and the need to pull myself out of it was ever present. Sadly the rut was only the beginning of a life-time of negative emotions and regret. I wish I could have experienced the trauma and continued with a positive attitude and I did attempt to forget about the people who hurt me. No matter how hard I tried to forget and move on I was stuck reliving the trauma over and over again.

    Angry, sadness and revenge continuously played on my mind. As time has passed I just wanted some closure from the incident as it is forever haunting me. Even an apology would make me feel a little better instead I am stuck in self-loathing and misery while the people who hurt me continue on as though nothing happened.

    While everyone my age was having a good time and enjoying their youth, I would spend each weekend isolating in my room. Weekends trying to forget what happened to me with the help of marijuana. I was my own worst enemy, imprisoned and desperate for a solution. Just like everything else in my life - I was looking for an easy fix. An easy fix which I am still looking for to this day

    I have come to realise that trauma will be ever present in my life. It has become a part of me whether I like it or not. The victim mindset has plagued me for years and I need to make a change. I need to let go of the negativity and anger once and for all.

    #Recovery #PTSD #Depression #selfmedicate #Sadness #Pain #hurt #suffering #Addiction #Hatred #Jealousy #anger #despair #gloom #Doom #Love #Support #TheMighty #MightyTogether #Friendship #Family #people #places #things #control #Emotion #sad #feelingbetter #Slowly #Survivor #illness #struggle #adversity #Sabotage #selfawareness #Reflection

    8 reactions 3 comments
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    One, little, thing..

    Hi guys - I’ve got something weighing down my heart this evening. Now this weight is nothing new, at all. It’s something that has burdened me since my teens and into adulthood. My rational mind knows better and always has, but. I am so unbelievably threatened when my partners engage with an attractive member of the opposite sex(I am hetero/monogamous). The only sense I can make of these obsessive and compulsive thoughts is my BPD and trauma, but even acknowledging that doesn’t ease the pain. I can remind myself that I as anybody finds other people attractive aside from my partner - this is natural. It’s not even that I don’t trust my partner, I do with all of my heart. I don’t know what it is. The thought of her liking a photo or commenting on socials(I don’t use any form of, which helps considerably) or tells me a story of her day in which she runs into somebody that was cute or which I perceive as flirtatious - sends my nervous system into a state of hell. I don’t get angry with her, or I try not to. I try to approach it with curiosity and openness, trying to understand how normal people remain at peace without devaluing themselves through these comparative threats which we create in our minds.

    Does anybody have an tips or tricks on how to self regulate, assure and give into radical acceptance? Thank you in advance, we survived Monday guys.

    With love and care,
    Lucas B.

    #Jealousy #insecurity #abandonment #BPD #Borderline #borderlinepersonality #TheMighty #Relationships #Anxiety

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    First post. I know it’s not much, but I don’t want to exist anymore.

    I wish I could erase such intense feelings. I wish I didn’t feel anything at all. I wish I never existed. #venting #depressed #Upset #resentful #Jealousy

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    I’m jealous of my therapist’s children and I hate myself for this

    So I’ve been seeing a therapist twice a week for almost a year. She’s loving, caring, sweet. Yet, I can’t allow myself to fully let her in and sometimes I fight her and reject her care. She told me she has four children, she often spoke about them, bringing them up in examples and so on, until I managed to ask her to stop bringing up her family, which she understood and accepted. The thing is, even if she’s amazing and I know she cares about me, there’s always this though in my mind, that I’ll never be as important to her as her own family, which rationally I understand.. but it’s driving me insane. I hate her children, I’m so jealous of them, and I hate myself for feeling this way. I’m too ashamed to tell her. I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to stop seeing her, but I can’t get over it

    #Jealousy
    #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
    #Therapist
    #CPTSD
    #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder

    4 comments
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    Why I feel like this?

    Today I saw friends and my best friend that I've did not saw a lot since the pendemic... I feel so weird/ anxious and not connected to them since the beginning of the even... Well actually, like as I was a bit depress for not reasons...

    I text regularly my best friend and she knows that since December I struggle with my mental health. She is the person that who she knows the most that I'm struggling sometime and who she knows my pasts too. She is the one that I text when I got too close to the edge...

    Well, today was so wierd we didn't talk together, I feel practically ignored from her... And apart the group. We did escalation, it was fun. When I was climb up I wasn't feel bad and enjoy it. But when I was at floor level with them I was only thinking about my mental state intrusive thoughts cames back and if I seemed that something was off inside of my head... It was like a wasn't really care if something bad happened to me during the climb. (Which isn't true.. I don't feel suicidal..)

    Moreover, I learned that they will seen them tomorrow and next week and I'm not include... Everybody can look who they want... That totally fine. But I felt a bit of jealousy and it make me felt so apart. Also because I was planning an event with my best friend and she isn't available for me... So, I felt off and I just wanted to dig my fingers into my skin to hurt myself... To hush up the feeling of rejection and the anxious feeling...

    All my behaviors wants to come back. I feel like I'm alone and it make me think that my friends doesn't like me or I'm too wierd for them. I want to redraw of them again....

    I just don't know why at the beginning I feel this fagile/ anxious and as vulnerable as they was able to see through my eyes and see my weakness which that it scare me. #Anxiety #Jealousy #Rejection #Depression

    3 comments
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    Jealousy

    At work this evening, I experienced an extreme emotional reaction to a situation. My Boss was my FP for a long time, completely taking me under her wing and looking out for me more than anyone else ever has. It became more like a mother-daughter relationship than an employer-employee. She ended the relationship a couple of years ago, which was totally devastating for me and it took some time for us to have a professional yet friendly relationship again. I still miss her. I still want her friendship. Her love. But I can see that she is VERY careful to ensure our relationship is nothing more than a professional one. I have been coping with this, and coming to terms with the fact that that is just the way it has to be.
    Whilst working this evening, my boss was talking a lot to a new colleague on a 1-1 basis, asking her to complete some extra promotion/advertising work. I have asked to do this time and time again, but am never taken up on it, which I find difficult at the time it arises, but I usually get over it fairly quickly. However, this evening, there was a LOT of 1-1 with this girl (who has only been working at my job for a week) and I could feel that watching them talk and joke and laugh with each other was stirring up jealousy within me. I felt like this girl was the “new favourite” and I didn’t know how to cope with that.
    What really set things off for me was that my boss then separated from this new employee and approached the supervisor (in my ear shot) and said “I really like her”. That was it. I had to walk away and took myself out the back, sobbing uncontrollably.
    I feel like it has really set me back. I KNOW that our relationship will not go back to what it was, no matter how much I want it to. I messed that up by being too needy, too clingy, too much work, draining every bit of emotional energy she had until she could give no more. But that still does not take away the pain of hearing her speaking highly of and being friendly with other members of the team in the way she was tonight. How is it possible to feel like you are being “replaced” after all this time? When you know that you’re not being “replaced” because actually, you are not that person in the first place? How do you cope with it? Should I explain this to her?
    If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it.
    I feel very vulnerable right now and don’t really have anyone to talk to.
    Thanks in advance #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Jealousy #Emotions #BPD

    2 comments
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    Anxiety #Jealousy

    I’m currently learning a language and I always want attention and to be the best! I didn’t realize this when I began this course, it took me time to understand that I wanted attention from all my classmates! That I wanted the coolest guy to talk to me as a friend. I put so much pressure in myself to be best at this subject and when it doesn’t work I get angry and I want to quit ( more like escape it) . When others get attention I get angry and end up thinking a lot that creates negative thoughts in my head which I end up believing it I’m basically jealous. I feel excluded; I feel that some people just avoid me! I don’t know how to stop having anxiety and anger! I drag small issues and I end up extremely sad. I don’t know how to surround myself with other people or how they can like me more ? I’ve tried to be positive but something happens and I flip!! It’s hard, I’m always tired. #help

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    How do I deal with jealousy and codependency? My partner is patient and understanding but I want to be better for her.

    #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #CPTSD #Jealousy #codependancy #Relationships #IWantToBeNormalAgain

    2 comments