overdose

Phone waits to click off
In this pouring rain I once wondered
Is it the darkness of the light
Or the clapping of the thunder
I wonder
Why I survived
All these times
Survivors guilt?
Up in the sky?
I am reborn again
In this same looking body
I never felt at home in
Controlling it
With medications
I don't know what the fuck is in them
Trynna see through the light
As far as I see them
Eat them
Or your brain tells you to snort lithium through your mouth
Yeah that'll solve the problem
No longer take me back to when my mouth was gonna be
Closed shut for life
I almost lost my life
A million times
I am no longer my disease that will take me out if I choose
No longer sitting at home in my room
That no longer exists I look up to the moon
And all of these poems I've read
And all of these poems I write
I see you reading them on your phone screen
Overnight
You look up youtube poetry
Clayton Jennings
And this poem may never seem ending
And ending
Haven't you ever realized
That little voice
That is inside our own heads
Either telling you to go to bed
Or to kill yourself instead
The same voice
You read this poem
With your pain and your sorrow
And I'm praying when you make it back from your dreams tonight
That you will not be on the planet of tomorrow's
Everyone understands this
It's their greatest fear
Not seeing heaven covered in fire
Or the devil with his spear
I will not put down this phone
I will not shut up
Ptsd I've had enough
Questioning if they lied to me
If my whole life has been a lie
When I gaze up to the heavens and realize some humans only see sky
I have discovered what is beyond, lately
So put these bibles back on their shelves
The choirs are chasing me

I will never be the same
But thats okay
Don't be scared of me
Cuz I see you too
We all have that one little thought that says
"Jump. If you lose."
Something out there is trynna fight us
With these man made clocks
These man made books
These man made drugs looking to better the man

But now
I have experienced
A world
Without any
Ends

I’ve used GHB recreationally maybe a dozen times in the last year or so. I thought I had found the Goldilocks zone in dosing: not too little, not too much….just the right amount. Well, a couple nights ago I was with a friend and we took G. I took probably a third of what I typically take seeing as the potency of the other stuff is pretty weak and this current stuff was of unknown potency. Anyways, I felt the high come on fast and hard. I was feeling great. But then it kept getting more and more intense and I couldn’t think clearly. I couldn’t move around without bumping into everything. It didn’t matter if I was still or moving around, I was so dizzy and disoriented. And then I started vomiting; dry heaving actually and sweating like I couldn’t believe. The high continued to get even more intense to where all I could do was sit on the floor sobbing between bouts of vomit and pray for it to subside. Finally about two hours or so later I stopped vomiting long enough to curl up in bed and fall asleep. I didn’t fully realize that I had nearly every symptom of a GHB overdose that night. It was truely horrific and awful, and I’m fortunate to be alive and ok. #overdose #ghb

as the title says im lost. my brother who was also my best friend commited suicede. i found out on the 21 of august. he had been missing for two weeks. when they found him it was said that he had been there for 5-7 days and was deceased for that time. my heart is breaking. i dont know how to live without him. i am so mad at him for leaving me here to pick up the pieces of the mess he made by taking his life. we went through hell as kids together he was my savior. we survived physical, mental emotional and sexual abuse at the had of my mother and many others. we survived being moved from home to home in foster care. i dont understand why he did this why he didnt reach out to me he knew i would be there for him and would do anything i could for him no matter what. im lost and i feel very alone right now

#Anxiety #Depression #Selfharm #overdose

I really need help and your opinion. For the last 2 years or even three I have trauma from working Saturdays at my job. There are two major events on two different Saturdays (2018 and 19) where I was put through too much at once. The one that affects me the most is from 2019 where after taking a massive dose I woke up and went to work without going to the doctor and the symptoms were severe. However I was unable to leave work as we were so understaffed that I waited until after work where I was then laughed at by a doctor who took light of what I did. I continued to overdose a month after to numb my anxiety that came from that and to this day I continue to feel the effects of that trauma. My boss had no idea what happened and today after telling him I needed to take Saturdays off to release the stress he called me dramatic. I am sending this out to ask you if he is right and if I should tell him the truth of what happened? I feel like I’m trapped in a cycle of fear at the moment and my way out was just blocked off by a boss who doesn’t really understand. Please help me.

#personalitydisorder #suicide

I have attempted to overdose before. Waking up alone, realizing I was still alive then vomitting my insides out is not what I expected to happen. But it did. Unfortunately i know a lot of people have a similar story. I often think about overdosing again. Specifically on Xanax because it seems like it will be less likely to screw me over than any other pills I have acess to. But in planning it I realized I’m still not recovered from my last attempt. Physically I was fine and didn’t have any major deficits (that I know of.. I never got admitted anywhere). But mentally I don’t know. I never really took the time to examine it. I just put it on the back burner with all my other crap. I never processed through it but maybe cuz there’s nothing to process? Maybe cuz it happened a while ago. Or just cuz I see the issue as black and white- I tried to die, but I lived. End of story. Just black and white, simple. You know? Anyway if you’re comfortable, feel free to share any stories. About your physical or emotional recovery. I mean it’s probably not going to be of value to me I don’t actually know why I’m asking lol. I guess I’m just curiois to see if people had my same mindset of not going to the hospital and just pretending it didn’t happen and not telling anyone. Don’t mean to be insensitive I just take things with humor a lot or depersonalize.

#Depression #Suicide #SuicidalThoughts #BipolarDisorder #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #dissociativedisorders #overdose #Xanax #pills #DepressiveDisorders

Today I went out on a walk and my mind started spinning and spinning. I am separated by a great distance from my addict husband at the moment but my mind was traveling to if he were to die.

The truth is, an addict can die any day. Often, they don't want to die- they want to stay alive so they can keep using.

I was just crying and crying on my walk thinking that he would die from his addiction and depression. On one hand, it would be a relief to me because I would never be hurt by him again. That's the truth. That scares me. I'm here to be honest and real.

#Bipolar #Addiction #Depression #Divorce #overdose

Chronic pain patients did NOT cause the opioid epidemic & deserve appropriate pain relief, in the same way as those with cancer pain do. www.linkedin.com/pulse/chronic-non-cancer-pain-deserves-opio...
#OpioidCrisis #OpioidEpidemic #Painrelief #PainManagement #Suicide #noncancerpain #overdose #prescriptiondrugs #BackPain

There are lots of groups for parents who lose children but what about children who have lost a parent to addiction?
#Addiction #overdose #Support