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I recently joined 'reddit' and posted a comment on a self harm scar. My comment was insensitive and I will not repeat it here. It was the reply that I received which really opened my eyes to my own trauma.

The reply from the "redditor" was "I am sorry you are feeling powerless over your own body". I never thought about it this way. I know one thing for sure. The trauma took something away from me that day. It took my confidence and my care free attitude and left a bitter taste in my mouth.

I want that happy go lucky kid back. The other side of the argument is finally growing up and entering the 'real world'. It could be a combination of both although I consider it was mostly my poor decisions catching up with me.

12 long years have passed since I was assaulted and time has done little to heal the pain. I am just as angry and grief stricken as the day the incident occurred. I was not in control of the situation and maybe this is why I feel the way that I do?

Revenge plays on my mind a lot and I catch myself drifting in and out of seeking vengeance. I have medication which temporarily assists in levelling my emotions and focusing on the here and now.

My mind will play tricks on me from time to time; starting me off on a road of revenge only to lead me to grief and misery. I am of the belief that revenge will do little to heal my pain as the damage has well and truly been done.

#power #powerless #MightyTogether #TheMighty #Friends #foes #Love #hate #betrayal #Depression #ChronicFatigue #PTSD #Pain #suffering #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Scars #Trauma #Revenge #rut #despair #hopelessness #self #Selfesteem #Confidence #Happiness #Hope #pleasure #Healing #Recovery #Addiction #selfmedicate #Hope #Emotion #CPTSD #Grief #Survivor

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Look closer. #pleasure

I needed to get out into nature today to help me just relax and fill my brain with green, sunshine and serenity. There were a lot of people walking with their dogs, in couples, biking , with children and some were on their own like me. It was good to hear and see people after being inside so much with Covid restrictions. Spring is coming here on the lower part of the West coast of B. C. We are what they call Canada’s Florida. After taking this photo, I notice the delicate yellow stems on the inside of the crocuses, like little flowers of their own.
Usually when I’m out walking, it’s like my brain is making judgements or comments about everything I see. It’s not relaxing as it could be. Today I decided to just look and move on, just enjoy somehow, let the impressions enter like osmosis and then done. It felt good..
I’ve been getting use to my first hearing aids this week. It’s going well , thank goodness as I was worried about it. My husband is so glad, he doesn’t have to keep repeating himself and so am I. 😊

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