Revenge

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Powerless

I recently joined 'reddit' and posted a comment on a self harm scar. My comment was insensitive and I will not repeat it here. It was the reply that I received which really opened my eyes to my own trauma.

The reply from the "redditor" was "I am sorry you are feeling powerless over your own body". I never thought about it this way. I know one thing for sure. The trauma took something away from me that day. It took my confidence and my care free attitude and left a bitter taste in my mouth.

I want that happy go lucky kid back. The other side of the argument is finally growing up and entering the 'real world'. It could be a combination of both although I consider it was mostly my poor decisions catching up with me.

12 long years have passed since I was assaulted and time has done little to heal the pain. I am just as angry and grief stricken as the day the incident occurred. I was not in control of the situation and maybe this is why I feel the way that I do?

Revenge plays on my mind a lot and I catch myself drifting in and out of seeking vengeance. I have medication which temporarily assists in levelling my emotions and focusing on the here and now.

My mind will play tricks on me from time to time; starting me off on a road of revenge only to lead me to grief and misery. I am of the belief that revenge will do little to heal my pain as the damage has well and truly been done.

#power #powerless #MightyTogether #TheMighty #Friends #foes #Love #hate #betrayal #Depression #ChronicFatigue #PTSD #Pain #suffering #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Scars #Trauma #Revenge #rut #despair #hopelessness #self #Selfesteem #Confidence #Happiness #Hope #pleasure #Healing #Recovery #Addiction #selfmedicate #Hope #Emotion #CPTSD #Grief #Survivor

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Recovery from adultery #Adultery #Depression #Trust #anger #Forgiveness #Revenge #desperation #Obssesivethoughts

Hello and thanks for reading my wife and I have been together for 14 years, married 5. The last 4 years we have been _#FosterParents . We have three little kids and we are in the process of adopting them
Last year my wife #Cheated on me with her ex boyfriend
This #Affair left me in a #MajorDepression .
I can’t #forgive , I can’t forget, and I am #obsessed with how this happened
We go to marriage counseling
I go to men’s group and to #Celebraterecovery
I’m working on my #CBT skills
I’d like to keep my family and recover
However
I feel the need to destroy her ex boyfriend and his family
I feel the need to end my marriage and, by doing so, give up my children that we love dearly
Anyone been here?
Any tips, advice, or kind words?
Thanks for readingp

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