pre-menstrual dysmorphic disorder

Every 28 days #PMDD takes 18 days.

40% of the year is spent being me.
Don't be fooled into thinking that being me is filled happily dancing around, singing, holding hands, filled with the joys of spring, drinking in those good moments.

Being me means spending time picking up the destruction left behind after each episode, trying to piece my life back together, trying to hold my family together once again from the damage thats been caused.

It means the exhausting cycle of putting old plans in place & figuring out new plans to try and minimise the damage that the impending next episode is going to cause closest to me.

It means forever living with crippling guilt, shame, embarrassment because of things I've said, ways I've acted & a gut wrenching fear that one day I won't ever be able to claw myself out of that hole of continous thoughts and feelings of wanting to be unalive that each #PremenstrualDysphoricDisorder episode brings.

It means plastering in on a smile for my family while really I'm still crying inside for the days, hours, minutes, I missed with them, whilst a rising anxiety lurks inside me as I know what is coming.

The rest of my time is spent living as my alter ego, in #PMDDhell .
Angry, depressed, withdrawn, fatigued, in pain, disassociated from the world around me, in a constant state of self loathing & planning my own demise.

Even when PMDD is not present, it makes its presence known.

If you know someone with PMDD, please don't ever tell them it's just #PMS .

Suspected endo and pmdd make the beginning of my period just freaking fantastic... just needing to vent a little

Hi. Is there something that encompasses being disgusted by one's finger and toenails to the point of self-harm? Thanks for your help!

#Selfharm #selfharmthoughts #selfharmurges #BodyDysmorphicDisorder #PremenstrualDysmorphicDisorder

My Husband warned me last night, that we were approaching this: I seem to often-times be blindsided by how awful I begin to feel with the onset of my PMDD.

My inattention causes mistakes at work, and they get pointed out and then I just end up feeling like a failure for my inattentiveness. That in turn spirals with the dysphoria of not wanting to exist and over-reaching emotional pain I can't quite put my finger on because it's not psychological, it's physical. I also have CPTSD, Depression, and Anxiety, which I control with medication, but during the PMDD days it is so much worse. I cry at my desk. I worry about my effectiveness, I feel absolutely useless, and I still have to keep a happy facade because I talk with customers on a regular up to 30-50 times a day among other needed tasks. I work in healthcare customer service. It's a struggle...
It's like the wind is out from my sails...

I guess what I'm hoping for is to be heard, and maybe hear from others about this if they have anything to say that might bolster my confidence, and ability to persevere.

Thanks for listening. - A

I’ve been taking it for a few weeks and noticed a lot of not so nice side effects (nausea, dizziness, etc.)

#PremenstrualDysmorphicDisorder

I feel like it’s always one thing or another. Everyday I am battling from one or all of my issues. Just one day I want to be pain free, depression and anxiety free. Just one day!!!

I was such an idiot all those years ago when I took for granted the days of remission, the days before the pain came back along with a new diagnosis or two or three. I hope that years from now I am not looking back at today and thinking I was an idiot because I didn’t have it as bad as I will 5, 10 or 15 years from now. I don’t know how much more I can take but everyday I keep taking it.