Rock bottom #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Prescription drug addiction #MajorDepression #Alcoholism
Today I have finally admitted to myself how much damage I have caused to my mental, physical and financial well-being as I was trying to fill the empty void in my soul.
For the past 2 years I would find temporary happiness/solice in alcohol, Adderall, casual one night stands and other risky impulsive situations. I have been chasing that ever elusive inner peace and "happiness" that I was not blessed with. Even as a child I don't remember any truly happy moments as I quickly learned to hide my mental dispair from everyone in my life, essentially I was know as the happy go lucky child. That was horrifyingly far from the case, Ive worn my fake happy mask all my life and I'm so exhausted after all these years. The guilt, shame and pain I've endured and caused has finally caught up and I desperately wonder if there is any redemption for me.
I apologize for the rambling as I'm left a truly broken soul left with many severe addictions as I chased my next moment of temporary "happiness".