Part 1 of 2 Growing up as a little girl, I wished for one thing my entire adolescence; a happy family. The kind that doesn’t hit, scream, or demean. The kind of family that doesn’t make you instantly cry as you step off the school bus because you know what hellish nightmare awaits you. I had given up hope at a young age that I would ever attain this dream. The endless cycle of #Abuse was bound to continue. I was certain I wasn’t going to make it to 18 anyway. I had no plan for adulthood, because why plan for something you will never obtain anyway?
I was wrong. Not only did I end up making it to 18, but I also worked hard on an escape plan. I worked 60 hours a week cleaning vacation homes, mansions, camps, basically any building I could find, because that was all I was qualified to do. Every day while scrubbing toilets I would dream about no longer having to clean 14 houses in 12 hours. I wanted a desk job more than anything. One day, one of my clients took a chance on me and gave me my first office job helping her out at her business. This position led to another job, which eventually got me into healthcare, which I was always interested in. Those years I walked 2 miles to and from work, rarely had anything in the fridge and went some winters without heat, but at least I didn’t have to break my back and hands cleaning houses anymore. I struggled to find myself and still didn’t hold much value to my life. When I was 21 years old, I met a guy. He had the same sick sense of humor as I did, and little did I know, he was battling his own inner demons. The first time we spoke, it felt like I had known him all my life. Still, I told myself there was no way I was going to be in a #Relationships . I just was not wired for that. He similarly had the same thoughts and we decided it was best that way.
Again, I was dead wrong. Our #Relationships was off before either of us knew what was happening and things moved quickly. In the back of my mind, I asked myself, how I could allow myself to trust someone like this. What was I doing? I’m not supposed to get married or have children. I don’t know how to have a healthy #Relationships , let alone raise another human being. I’m not even remotely equipped, but why can’t I picture myself without him? Why did he have to ruin my eternal plans of solitude where I would never again have to rely on someone else or allow them to let me down? Against my own judgement, I decided to take a chance on him, and myself respectfully. A couple years passed, and we were married. A year later and our daughter was born.
Finally, for once, I was right. Still, we struggled as young couples do. We were two kids with a lot of #Trauma that was never unpacked and were a recipe for disaster. We also worked opposite shifts for many years so that one of us could be home with our daughter at all times, barely making it mentally and financially. After having our daughter, I was in severe pain constantly and extremely fatigued. I saw many doctors and had so many tests done with no explanation. I was 29 years old when I was finally diagnosed with an autoimmune disease #RheumatoidArthritis . #PsoriaticArthritis followed shortly after that and most recently I have acquired #Lupus . I’ve had about 15 surgeries, hundreds of infusions, injections, staph infections, influenza several times that almost killed me, #Shingles , and countless other ailments. As if that wasn’t enough, my husband has his own health struggles physically and mentally and so does our daughter.
Throughout all of this, we somehow worked our way up at both of our jobs and on my 34th birthday in 2020 we finally did something wehad been actively trying to do and dreaming for the past decade. We purchased our dream house. It’s been over a year now since we moved in, yet we still find ourselves waking up almost every day and asking each other if this is a dream. How did two, once lost souls get here? Perseverance? Stubbornness? Luck? I’m sure there are plenty of people that wouldn’t’ understand how something as basic as a house and functional family could be considered “making it”, but for us it is everything.
I’m still not sure how nearly 14 years have gone by since that day two dysfunctional souls met, but I constantly think about how much everything would be different if neither of us took a chance on life. I truly believe we could have easily ended up dead or in prison. Even worse, I’m afraid we even could have repeated our