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Gone when I need you most

#Depression #Anxiety
To make this post more fully understood, I feel I need to go back several years. In 2015 my best friend was diagnosed with a rare but treatable skin cancer. She was diagnosed in October and told me not to worry because it was very treatable. Long story short, she went through he'll. My mom & I visited her in the hospital. After her family left us alone, she told us that her family didn't know yet but they had found a spot on her lung. This was right before Christmas and by the last week in January, she was gone. Her birthday was a few weeks later so I went up to spend some time with her mom and take her a gift. My mom wasn't feeling well so I made the visit alone. Four days later, I took my mom to the hospital. Three days after that she passed away. I had a mental and physical breakdown after that. The Drs found conditions that I must have had for years. I was so busy taking care of other people in my life that I ignored my own health. Fast forward 5 years. I'm no longer able to work but was coming to grips with my new normal. Then my brother passed away 5 years and 10 days after my mother's death. So, also in Feb. Aside from my husband and my stepdaughter and her family, my family had all but abandoned me.
This year in October, I had a pap come back with ASCUS and positive for HPV 33/58. Those are high risk for causing cervical cancer. Not the highest but high. I went through colposcopy and then a few weeks ago a cold knife conization. My anxiety was through the roof constantly waiting. Meanwhile my cousin was going through treatment for the second time with cervical cancer. Here it is the holidays and I was trying to stay positive. I wanted Christmas to be special in case it was my last one or in case I would be going through treatment. My stepdaughter had my granddaughter text me to invite us up Christmas morning to "hang out". No food. No celebrating. Just sit there. Keep in mind, she is fully aware of my diagnoses and the procedures I had gone through and the upcoming biopsy for me. I figured they needed a day to just chill. I didn't care what day we celebrated Christmas so I offered to do it at our house. I was sent a text dripping with attitude letting me know that they would have to decline. No explanation. No offer to do it at a different time.
So, praise God, my biopsy came back negative. I don't know whether my stepdaughter knows or not. She hasn't asked so, I haven't told her. I am not healing well from the procedure itself yet. So, I am supposed to take it easy. I purchased some things to make everyday life easier in case I had to go through any treatments. They've been sitting in the boxes since the beginning of December. All they required was installing pull out drawers for our cabinets. So, measure and drive 12 screws. Keep in mind I am disabled and he does maintenance for a living. I've been having extra trouble with my feet lately. He let me know that it would be nice to have instructions. They came with instructions and a template. Now for some unknown reason he is giving me the cold shoulder and barely speaking. He's treating me as though there is no reason that I shouldn't be taking better care of the house.
I need to go to a clinic about 2 hours away for a procedure for some of my GI issues. For this one, I could drive but I get extremely anxious driving in that city. I know it's going to be a fight because he keeps asking if I "need" a driver. He reluctantly drives when I am put out for procedures locally. Now, I went to the Dr this week and there is a spot on my foot that may be melanoma.
I don't feel like I have anybody to count on anymore. I've always been there for everybody else. Why do people peel away when you need them most?
I'm sorry for the long post but as I said, I have nobody to lean on. I needed to get this out. Just needed to vent.
BTW...I installed the pull out drawers.
Thanks for reading.

12 reactions 6 comments
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Genetic testing for the parents of a fanconi anemia child # fanconi anemia

Hi! I have 5 children and I’m 42. In 2006 my daughter had her stem cell (unrelated ) bone marrow transplant. She did very well long story short she is now 22 and has had skin cancer and was treated with removing the cancer. Now she was just diagnosed with thyroid cancer. Also something is going on with her liver, continuos elevated liver enzymes. We’re waiting on results from a ct at this time. February 12 she sees the doctor for a surgical consult and then will receive radiation
I’m worried since there still isn’t much research on how they are doing as adults
Also my youngest son has another inherent disease called hyperlipidemia. He sees a cardiologist annually to see when he will need medication for this. My daughter was diagnosed by geneticists. I requested a referral today to see a geneticist to see what I’m predisposed to. (I took my data from ancestry and uploaded it to genapp. And it’s loaded with all the genetics stuff. I have 9 dominant disease that I carry (not sure which will be the one that affects me)
I plan to show the geneticists. My whole family has all sorts of disorders mental and physical and quite a bit are hard to diagnosi. Especially with the auto immune area

Has anyone done this? Does anyone have an adult child after their transplant ? I would love to know how they are doing…any advice or tips?
Thank you

1 reaction
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All Your Scars

All of the pain
You've ever been through
Gives you a thousand
Scars, or two.

Though within you
Scars are plentiful
Others have been through
Things nearly identical.

When you think
You can't stop hurting,
Your wounded heart
Is freshly spurting,

You'll come to know that,
Though now there's pain,
The wound that's left
Is not in vain.

The memories
Only hurt if you let them,
And after time
You'll all but forget them.

Yes there will be scars
With pain that's suitable,
And that makes each scar
All the more beautiful.

#ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Cancer #BackPain
#ChildLoss #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #SkinCancer #RheumatoidArthritis

7 reactions 1 comment
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Cancer & OCD

So over the past 4 months I have had three spots of skin cancer removed. All were non- melanoma and all were caught early. I am in my mid 40s so not super young, but certainly not very of either, granted age is simply a number and mindset. But I also suffer from OCD and this situation has pulled me so far into deep dispair that I am feeling like I am
struggling to find hope and contentment.

It doesn’t help that I am also a highly negative person and have generally looked at things in a darker manner than I would truly like to.

I am seeing a couple of counselors about all this but it still sometimes feels like 1 step forward 2 steps back.

I know I am not facing terminal issues currently but my mindset seems to have gone down that rabbit hole.

I could use some words of hope or wisdom for handling this and any suggestions for care are welcome too.

4 reactions
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Definitely my feelings #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #catheterlife #MentalHealthAwareness #mentalhealthmatters #MentalHealth

Ive not been on here in a while .Since march I have long term catheterised which has caused so many issues,non stop hospital stays which along the way now dealing with other problems.Mentally I am so drained I feel miserable that I'm not who I was 9 months ago,I can barely do anything.ive become basically house bound and most days the pain stops me even doing simple daily tasks.i feel like such a failure as a mum and as me in general .I hate seeing myself in the mirror now with cathter, more scars from the skin cancer biopsies,having to use walking aid due to the spinal issues & pain I just hate what I see and what i am now.But I'm so fed up feeling this way and I try so hard but each day between pain and everything going on my aims to try and feel better seem to just completely become non existent.....

I hope everyone is well ♥️
#ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #BladderPain #BladderProblems #catheterlife #Endometriosis #MentalHealth #MentalHealthAwareness #mentalhealthmatters #Anxiety #Depression #biopsies #SkinCancer #CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #AloneTogether #loveyourself #Selfcare #Melanoma #Bekind #loveyourself

18 reactions 12 comments
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I’m new here!

Hi, my name is CamoGal45. I'm here because I definitely need extra help and someone to talk to at times. Having multiple mental illnesses and just being diagnosed in 2016 is still something my family and I are learning about. Yesterday was a very bad day. I am Bipolar 1 with mixed episodes with several other health issues including mental ones. I was suicidal yesterday kinda for a short period of time out of stupidity. I'm a much stronger person than that but over abundance over past dealth, trama, and if something that is bad news or worse that happens in the same day that one of those past events might've occured is to much for me to handle or try to process in one day. I am married but not happily. I seem to always turn to my male friends when I am in these break downs or when I need to talk period. Trust is a major major issue with me an opening up about anything is too. My 18 year old Son is the reason I live an breath everyday and will now look forward to my first Granddaughter in November/December. Look forward to meeting new people on here and any information an prior experiences that can help me. I know reading some at the very beginning of my diagnosis helped a lot. Also reading things here on the Mighty. The Mighty is definitely a great site and would give it 5 stars. Very informational and gets personal outcomes to help others, which in my opinion is a major start an first step at getting help.

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #BipolarDisorder #Migraine #PTSD #OCD #Grief #HeartDisease #Arthritis #Schizophrenia #Addiction #PanicAttack #SkinCancer #Diabetes

11 reactions 3 comments
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Struggling With My Dad’s Health

My dad’s health continues to fail. Skin cancer on and off for 15yrs, heart attack about 7yrs ago, Parkinson’s diagnosis a few years ago, prostrate cancer within the last 6 months ago, and now bone marrow cancer. I can’t see my dad living much more. I try to do what I can to support my Dad but he puts up so many emotional walls. I’m really depressed and struggling to get healthy day to day stuff done. All I want to do is stay in bed. #depressed

3 reactions 3 comments
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A smile can hide many things .... #MentalHealth #mentalhealthmatters #Anxiety #ChronicDepression #Depression #Selfcare #Parenting

Just because someone is smiling doesn't mean they're FINE .Just because someone you see that is unwell or has been dealing with any physical or mental health issues is smiling doesn't meant they're BETTER .It doesn't mean they're OK now or that they're not in pain .Usually alot of the time it's because they are used to dealing with their struggles and pain and are just trying to put on a smile and get on with it .You never know how much someone is really struggling so don't judge them .Don't just assume or make comments to them about their health being better or because they don't look sick if they're smiling or have managed to get dressed or go out .You've no idea how much it's taken them to even do that ....
And you never know just how much someone need syour kindness today ♥️

BE KIND ♡
YOU MATTER ♡
LOVE YOURSELF ♡

#MentalHealth #MentalHealthAwareness #mentalhealthmatters #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Melanoma #SkinCancer #Insomnia #longcovid #COVID19 #PTSD #Upallnight #CheckInWithMe #Bekind #loveyourself #GeneralParenting #Parenting #MomGuilt #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #BladderPain #BladderProblems #bladder #Endometriosis #AloneTogether

33 reactions 7 comments
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Reality .... #MentalHealth #mentalhealthmatters #ChronicPain #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #CheckInWithMe

😂😂😂 this is definitely the reality when suffering with chronic pain , anxiety ,depression ,fatigue ,physical pain or just mentally struggling.
When you feel like you need a rest after just taking a shower because your so drained .....

It's the little things that seem so simple to others that can really take so much working upto actually doing & then struggling so much after doing it .

#MentalHealth #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #bladder #BladderProblems #Endometriosis #Catheter #Melanoma #Anxiety #mentalhealthmatters #Bekindtoyourself #loveyourself #Positivity #Bekind #longcovid #COVID19 #PTSD #Upallnight #CheckInWithMe #Depression #Parenting #GeneralParenting #Insomnia #ItsOkNotToBeOk #SkinCancer #AloneTogether #struggling #youmatter #Selfcare

28 reactions 6 comments
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Upcoming summer break is causing me so much anxiety ......... #MentalHealth #mentalhealthmatters #Anxiety #Parenting #GeneralParenting

So tomorrow is the little ones last day at school before the 7/8 weeks summer break.
I had been hoping g that I'd have had some sort of surgery or treatment by now before this instead doff just being left like this for nearly 4 months now.I am feeling so anxious about trying to be mummy everyday over the break ,making it fun for them ,keeping them occupied and busy and making memories while mostly being housebound.If it's nice we can spend time in the garden and do things ther ebut even that I know I will struggle with ,so on the rubbish weather days when we're estuck at home while I'm in constant pain I am stressing about how I can make it fun for them ,be mummy , not ruin their break because I am in agony and supposed to be on bed rest !! I feel frustrated that I have been left like this and still waiting on appointments regarding teats and if can get the surgery etc. I go in next Wednesday for biopsies ,two for cysts they found on my thyroids so I'll have stitches and stuff too and probably not be feeling the greatest. So my anxiety is just so bad ,feeling so guilty that compare dto last year I can't do the things I always did with them plan trips,days away, swimming,fun activities etc as even doing simple things at home are such a struggle pain wise and then totally drain me ......
Really trying to think of lots of little ideas to do with them to make memories and make it as fun as I can for them but I am really stressing over it .
While also trying to make sure i have little moments of self care for myself to help with my anxiety & to try take those moments to do things for me to just recharge myself so i dont end up completely burntout.Having chronic pain ontop of other health issues while trying to be the old me and best mummy I can now is definitely challenging 😭😭😭

#MentalHealth #mentalhealthmatters #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Melanoma #SkinCancer #Insomnia #longcovid #COVID19 #PTSD #Upallnight #CheckInWithMe #Bekind #loveyourself #GeneralParenting #Parenting #MomGuilt #Positivity

12 reactions 5 comments