Spondyloarthritis

Most days I feel like I am an imposter in the chronic illness space. My bloods/xrays are not that ba, but bad enough to show somethings wrong. But then why the pain, fatique, brain fog, blackouts, nerve pain, stiffness. If I'm not that bad, why do I feel miserable? The thought that this can get worse is overbearing! I look normal, I'm generally a helpful, talkative, able human being. So I feel like an imposter. I feel like I am not sick enough and don't belong. I have to fight to get heard by my docters, my friends and family don't understand. I'm tired of explaining. I now know that I don't absorb medications, THIS SUCKS! All I want is to be pain free, have energy, sparkle and enjoy my life. I'm in limbo as I can do neither whole heartedly. I am not deathly ill, neither am I capable to have a normal everyday life without the constant reminder this is hard, this is painful, this is exhausting. So yes, I feel like an imposter.

Don't get me wrong, I am so incredibly greatful for the things I can do and that I am not gravely ill. I am so incredibly thankful that I am not as bad off as a lot of people on this platform. All I want is for my current symptoms to be treated so I can continue with a normal life.

So yes I have imposter syndrome and I don't know how to overcome that! Not healthy enough to belong, not ill enough either!

#ImposterSyndrome #PsoriaticArthritis #Spondyloarthritis #nervepain #ChronicDepression #PTSD #CPTSD #generalizedanxiety #InappropriateSinusTachycardia #AutonomicDysfunction #atrialfibrillation #costochondritus #discbulges #JointHypermobilitySyndrome

I'm normally quite a positive person, full of hope and have a go getter personality. But the last year I find myself struggling to remain hopeful. It's hard to hope and look forward to things when with no warning at all you can flare. I find the winter is especially challenging for me. While writing this it is 1 degree here in Joburg South Africa. I just woke up and my body feels like it went through a boxing match. I have always been able to pull myself up, push through the pain and ignore all my feelings, but this has led my body to say no, and now I have autoimmune issues. So how does one stay positive and hopeful when you want to allow yourself to heal and rest, yet you want to conquer the world and be bright, sunny, inspiring, energetic? It's like I have a split personality in my mind. The person I know I can be and once was and then this new me, the exhausted, in pain, and depressed me. I hope it won't always be like this, and I hope that things will change. But right now......it sucks!! #CPTSD #Anxiety #Depression #PsoriaticArthritis #Spondyloarthritis #ankolysingspondylitis #HypermobilitySyndrome #RaynaudsPhenomenon

Just felt like sharing the frustration of cold fingers.....