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freely writing what comes to mind as a way to know what's on my mind 🖋️

Writing with no filters apart from my own artistic means as my only way to have a clue about what's really going on inside of me.

I have a hole in my mind and have no clues what's going on there and I'm only at the beginning of the process to reach it.


love myself
kept me company
there's detachment inside of me
I've killed
So what am I?
oblivion of my past
the many millions versions
the desire to be with you
Has it always been me?
just me and only me
my ego my will my life
back at my core
should never forget you
my confusion healing me
my little friends
I'm back at you again
wrappes by placid me
Taking care of you all.
I'll come to love you.

#Writing #oblivion #mind #Awareness #Understanding #Poetry

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Needing more understanding support

Hey, I’m new to this app. I am 23 and just recently diagnosed with Bpd. I am trying to meet people and have more people in my life that understand what I’m going through because right now no one in my life does. I hope to find a couple of people or even a group of people to stay in contact with through DMs and we can help each other and support one another! ❤️😊#Support #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Understanding

5 reactions 3 comments

Explaining depression to loved ones!

I told my partner that I was doing a lot of reading today on different websites about depression and anxiety, the first thing out of his mouth was “do you think reading is maybe making you depressed” and I looked at him like he had three heads! How do I explain to him what depression is and what it is caused from?
#depressionandlovedones #explainingdepression #Depression #Understanding #Depression

26 reactions 6 comments
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Throwback reflection

There are times when what has been becomes suddenly much more real then usual.
Not as a flashback - they're definitely different - but more like a realization that what's in my memories, in my patterns, in my body and mind has really happened, some time ago in my life.

What surprises me the most is:
I'm not fine, even though I'm better than in previous months and years, but, the hell, compared to before it's like I'm in Heaven.

It doesn't bring me the positivity and mood switch I might expect, it weights the same, most of the times, but it surely helps me redimensioning the whole picture.
I'm grateful, overall, for one thing: now, when I have my crisis, they're still bad and, sometimes, worse than other times years ago, BUT they're crisis: they happen from time to time. (I'm not talking about being on low mood; to me, before, it was much more than that: tentacles slipping out of my head trying to choke me and smash anything inside and around me).
I can feel my mind clean, and, yup, I'm now crying, all of a sudden.

I'd never wanna go back to before.

A week ago I was writing a post I've never shared and, when recalling the bad effects the thing I was talking about had on me, I realized the list was very very long and very very painful and messy.
What makes it often difficult for me to comprehend my patterns and problems is that I tend to hide them, and then forget about them, over the years.

Thing is, there has been terror.
I don't wanna include the details, because I'm aware that for someone they could be not nice.

I shared this picture (search for Riftress on Pinterest, if you're interest - I really like these works) because it is one of the pics I saved back then.
Something have sucked up my own self from my life and I think it was the exhaustion from that period.

Crying helps me too.
If now I'm crying, it means it really has been hard.
Since I tend to hide and minimize, since people shared their issues with me and rarely listened to me, always ignored the signals I was pointing out and since things for me often changed - environmentally speaking - I tend to forget.
To me, now, it feels like I'm based on a void past.
It doesn't mean I'd wanna linger on it: just that in order to understand why I am the way I am today I need to recall.

Times like this one, though, makes me wanna go back that before and erase everything. Why it had to be so damageful.
Again, though, I tend to hide: none really witnessed in person any free expression of my mental state, so, then, it feel more righteous to minimize it. This confuses me.

Though I think it's not fair to compair: the same trauma can have different outcomes on different people; that's why I think crying is helpful -> it spots out the fact that what I'm feeling and thinking about - recalling - has really been a hardship for me.

But it seems impossible that all the dark lump has really left. Did it?
Instead of feeling and expressing itself in dark and full of --- ways*, my mind's just flat. That's the new pattern, I guess.
I've been backfired.
* I don't really feel at ease sharing details, again, but I don't know how to express it.

I still have issues to work on, sometimes - often - I just can take my mind anymore, I often have no energy to live my life, but sure it changed. Time heals.
And I've understood myself and other people better, in the meanwhile, which has been another fundamental turning point.
And I can't express how grateful I am whenever I get to become more aware then before. I love understanding.
So - I still can change and for the better.
There's and I have hope in it.

#Reflection #throwback #Trauma #Crisis #time #Understanding #past #Memory #Pain #cry #Life #mind #pattern #backfired #Healing #Awareness #HealingProcess #exhaustion #Monster #illness #MentalHealth #growing #growth #Present #Hope #change #Grief #Energy

22 reactions 5 comments
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The Big News in Portland

It is raining #antibodies to all of the viruses people have been plagued with here. People are reporting #ActOfKindness between strangers; even in traffic!! The #Disabled are being shown respect. It seems #Understanding that Disabled does not mean Unable is in the morning dew. Those living with Chronic Depression are receiving free access to the proven magnetic field therapies available but that only the wealthy and highest executive packages could afford before now. Wait, breaking news, the acts of kindness have spread into neighborhood businesses, pharmacies and grocery stores. So many shut in for medical and psych reasons are able to get their needs met now without begging strangers or paying $15-25 dollars more than their driving counterparts.
What Is Your Fantasy News Report?
Follow w/ yours if you want.

In My news, 12/2/22 I began with mean virus, immediately caught CoVID AGAIN, then Bronchitis & relapsed on that! All ONLY 3 weeks before MY neurosurgery through my NOSE=PAIN=FEAR!!!
Naturally I failed to dump a guy that I kept catching in stupid lies to me. My Complex-PTSD gave me a plump case of codependency & I wasn’t “actively living” my program!!. Turns out when I’m miserable, & in emotional flashbacks from childhood I get mean. We are broke up now. Seven (7) COVID’s did not land me a Partridge or a Pear Tree. Severe Long Covid did give me …get this one-Dysautonomia. AVOID. I could be depressed but I’m too numbed by fear & anxiety to know it. ***Let’s All Have Happiness whenever we Seek It‼️

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Autistic people are often
misunderstood. Throughout my life, I can recall times I’ve been painfully aware when other people didn’t like me for one reason or another. Knowing what I know now, I can’t help but wonder how many of those
reasons were due to a lack of understanding…

#AutismAwareness #Acceptance #Neurodiversity #navigatingneurodivergence #Masking #Trauma # unmasking #Understanding #patience #growth

3 reactions


I need understanding…I have a friend who keeps dumping all her difficulties my way. She keeps using me as a sounding board. She thinks this is a healthy way for her to deal with whatever is affecting her in her life..Somedays I have difficulty dealing with my own psychological baggage. I don’t need someone else’s. Then she keeps hashing out her expenses, her job, her perceptions on how others have “wronged” her..I’m like F’F’F’ please! Give me peace!! I know she’s #Needy #Understanding #PTSD #Depression , happens in varing degrees…Somedays the extrenuous, the perifipheral BS just more than annoys me.


The emotional pain of families disinterest.

I find it deeply sad and soul destroying, that if I mention what I’m struggling with to my loved ones, the answer seems #yesweknow when wanting to share the rapid intensification of #symptoms of either #Bipolar or #BPD or #Depression etc…

Please remember friends, find your tribe. The people who #Suffer and live with what you do. This is where the #Understanding and #Kindness you’re seeking will be found.
I don’t believe anyone, no matter how much they love you, can even get a tiny glimpse of your #emotionalpain .
Don’t blame,, find others who feel and understand and have similar #mentalillnesses .
I hope this little nugget helps you in your #journey back to you.
Bipolarlinedeb ♥️🌹🌹