This is one of those hard moments...
I’m hanging out in recover after my TAP block. This wasn’t my first. It won’t be my last. But it was my hardest.
Last night was one of this true painsomnia nights, I maybe got an hour of sleep. No position was comfortable. The more pain I was in, the more my anxiety rose. Thoughts pouring into my mind about everything this last year has brought and if I was going to be ok. Earlier in the day mom had actually asked if I had my moment yet, and I hadn’t. Sure I had cried, but I hadn’t let myself FEEL the emotions running through me. So I felt them, and then I FELT them.
Every single one of my disorders and ailments can be triggered by stress and anxiety, and when I let myself feel, it hit all at once.
So I finally dusted myself off after sobbing in the shower at 3am. Woke the family up and got ready to come to Presby. Where the registration ladies know my name, Starbucks knows my order and Interventional Radiology puts me in a room and lets me get myself ready.
This time though, the staunch reminder of our situation was staring me in the face. Usually my dad is always there to help on procedure days. With one or both kids. We have been so Blessed to have him the last 6 years helping whenever we need him. But my mom needs him more in her fight against #Cancer . So my husband handled the day and the kids and made this all work.
But it’s also a reminder that I’m also still a patient. I need to give myself Grace and remember that my fight also needs fought. Today I rest. I heal physically, mentally and emotionally.
Tomorrow is a new day. 💜
With pain comes strength 💪🏻