On paper I have a great life. A good job making good money and successful (whatever that means)
However on the inside I’m utterly alone and in a state of panic. What am I doing here? I don’t feel I have a purpose in life and I have developed a major depression which I don’t have the energy to deal with because of the damm red tape and what not.
Sometimes when the demon shows up I get scary thoughts of just ending it….
The day your kids come to you and tell you how you failed them . Depression took so much more than I thought. Of course I sank more after hearing all this . In my mind I thought I was doing the best with what I could . I just never had anyone to help me through all this . No real support so the little energy I did have was still not enough. Knowing this has sunk me .
I just cannot keep explaining bpd to him. I just got diagnosed. I am learning myself. He keeps telling me he been through stuff and this never happened. I am tired of my Rollercoaster ride iam on. Tired of him not understanding. Like i made this up, like i want to be this way. Clingy, jealous,angry,sad, oh fuck it whatever feelings i have at that moment. I am so drained from crying. So sad and scared he will let me go. And then blame me and say i did this. Tears and more tears. Lost and broken. I cannot get out of my head..
Some time we don't understand god plan . Sometimes we think why god snatch the opportunity by put in birth diseases. I'm 26 years old when i know I'm suffering from coarctation of Arota i.e major heart problem. At that time even my close friends, relative,even my girlfriend leave me. I look myself around butvi find no one alse..when i went to operation theatre for angioplasty ,i had never know that i come out from Operation theatre alive or dead.now due to god blessings I'm am little well than before...i make promises to myself that i would only make friends,girl friend who are suffering from some diseases like surgery, angioplasty, diabetes, etc.. beacause these people know what is love and affection. I know what a person felt when somebody left in life. So please make a friendship with me who wanna share their feelings..i always there.. beacause we don't know how much time we have. #chronic dizziness #ChronicIlless #heart defect #heart problem #heart Surgeon #HeartConditions #HeartDefects #Surgery #InvisibleDisabilitiesWeek #InvisibleIllnessAwarenessWeek #CongestiveHeartFailure #BirthDefects #BirthDefect #Alonewithnosupport #alone #Survivor #SuicideLossSurvivor #SupportGroups #Disease #ChangeSchizophreniaExpectations #
My girlfriend recently had to go to a mental institution because she was near suicide again... and she said Im the only reason she isnt dead now... but I miss her so much, and it hurts being away from her. I get barely any contact... how do I manage? How do I survive the time until she is home? Out anniversary is next week and we wont be celebrating it cause she is away from me... how can I make it through this, for her? I started self harming again. I cant eat. Cant concentrate... i need her but she needs to get better... im alone. I have. No one else... #Alonewithnosupport #PTSD #Loneliness #heartbreak #help #howdoicope #howdoidothis
Everything is so far away. I'm right back where I started where I feel like I have no one. I have so many hopes and dreams but they all feel impossible. My family doesn't help they do things to prevent me from getting better. I feel like I'll never be enough for them. I want to cut but I keep telling myself I'm done with that. I may be in the same hole I just dig myself out of but I can't react the same as I did before. I need to be a new person but honestly I feel so hopeless. #Cutting #hopeless #Alonewithnosupport
I feel so very alone. A few years ago I had a suicide attempt and was hospitalized. After that my friendships just seem to slip away. I wasn’t able to hang out and go drinking with everyone else like I used to so they just stopped inviting me. Little by little they all just went away. Right now I have one guy friend that I’m very close with. But again I’m seeing signs of him backing away from me. We used to talk/ text everyday for 2 years. But recently he’s become busier and now we barely ever talk. I’m just left with thoughts like “am I just not a good enough friend/person?” “Or are my issues too difficult for people to understand and deal with?”
Will I ever have a group of friends again? Doesn’t seem likely at this stage in life.
Realizing you have hyper independence is hard because you’re aware of the fact it’s near impossible for you to let people help you but even when you try.. even when you fully open up to someone about the things hurting you and tearing you apart the people you thought would help you fall silent and do nothing proving that no one will ever be there for me and I don’t know why I always let myself open up to people when I know what will happen I will be shut down again and told to shut up again or just simply not get a reaction again... well I found my blades so guess I’m going back to that again.. cuz I’m alone again... realize it early kids ain’t no one got you. #alone #PerfectlyHiddenDepressedPerson #Alonewithnosupport
Realizing you have hyper independence is hard because you’re aware of the fact it’s near impossible for you to let people help you but even when you try.. even when you fully open up to someone about the things hurting you and tearing you apart the people you thought would help you fall silent and do nothing proving that no one will ever be there for me and I don’t know why I always let myself open up to people when I know what will happen I will be shut down again and told to shut up again or just simply not get a reaction again... well I found my blades so guess I’m going back to that again.. cuz I’m alone again... realize it early kids ain’t no one got you. #alone #PerfectlyHiddenDepressedPerson #Alonewithnosupport
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