Struggling with loss
Following up on the last post because I accidentally hit the post button on my phone......
The jist of what I'm saying is it seems like people who have money to spare automatically assume those who don't can't be innocent and care deeply for someone and help that person because they love them like family with no strings......Grandma Rachel and I helped each other. She was there for me in ways that no one else was or could have been. She never judged me for my mental issues. Never. She was always supportive of me regardless of what I was going through mentally. Even though she didn't understand it, she never judged me once. She just offered me unconditional love and support. In my world that was extremely rare!!! It still is.
I find it hard to breathe. I find myself lost. I was limited on communication with her like everyone else was because of who she was staying with....I felt like she should have had a landline put in her room so she could have people from here call her and she could feel free to call them. The man and his wife who took her in for the last year when I could no longer live with her due to having to be my mother's caregiver after her heart attack was her long time adopted son like I was her long time adopted Granddaughter only he was that to her since he was a child. I was her adopted Granddaughter only since 1998.
I got to talk to her at best twice a week for ten minute at the most, many times less than that because she had to talk on this man's personal cell phone. Money was no object for the man and his wife apparently. I'd heard this for a long time, not that it made any difference to me, except if this was the case unless he was deliberately controlling her conversations why not allow her the freedom of having her own landline in her own room?????? She could hear much better on a landline and he knew this. He was only willing to get her a cell phone which she hated and didn't want because it was hard for her to hold and to hear on. I just am having a hard time coming to terms with the loss of her and the loss of the last year I feel like he robbed me of with her.....am I being unreasonable feeling this way???
I don't want to be stuck on things that are already done and in the past that can't be changed. I know that's not healthy and doesn't do any good. I think maybe I'm struggling with this right now because this loss is so fresh. Any thoughts on how to better cope with this would be appreciated.
Thanks for being a kind group of people who care about each other 🙏💕💕💕