anxietys

One of my best friends dropped me a few months back, when I needed her the most, her youngest and my youngest daughter are best friends as well. She says " you are to much for me right now, ..."
I ask her 2 months ago if her daughter could come over to play " no I dont trust your environment, but izzy is more than welcome here"... fast forward to today" can G come over to play today at your house"
We literally haven't spoken.... like not even once ...... so her daughter is here.
I so desperately want to go back to pretending that everything was grand. Back to " normal "... but I know I wasn't ok. I know it wasn't healthy. I know I wasn't happy. So I have here over.... I feel so confused.
I need to separate myself for these feelings. I want izzy to have her friends it doesn't me that I have to like the parents lol.
Do you ever miss the before you??? The before yoy before the diagnosis?? It feel like a different life.
A different person.
How come I feel "worse" and have more lows and distinct highs now AFTER my diagnosis.?? Is it because I'm more aware now???
Does this get better.??
#whoami #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #thoughtoftheday #ThisIsMe #mybrainismush #mother #Diagnosis

Sorry for the long tittle lol
My depression comes and goes. The anxiety is always lurking. But when they both are real bad, I realize that I am not living up to my expectations muchless my loved ones expectations. What do I mean by that? Well part of the reason I don't think i'll ever have a child is because I struggle leaving the house. How could I be a good mom that can't leave the house?
It makes me feel like a failure sometimes to read about woman and moms that can seem to juggle jobs, kids, a wife/husband, pets, and whatever else that I would consider big things (like leaving the house alone) just small stepping stones for them. Does anyone else feel like this?
Like you can't be who you are supposed to be because of a mental illness? And your letting everyone down, but there is nothing you can do but possibly push them away?
#Anxietys #expectations #Agoraphobia #MajorDepressiveDisorder #skinpicking #ObsessiveCompulsiveandRelatedDisorders #whycantijustbenormal #INFP

i mean, sometimes I feel like my dad is waisting money on my therapist cuz im a waste of time and maybe i am like this, maybe i will always going to deal with depression and anxiety, maybe there is no "cure" for me, maybe i just have to die already and stop being such a waste of money, time and space. #Depression #Guilty #Anxietys

Every day I wake up and don’t feel the need to get up nor start my day but I have to for my daughter and husband . I just wish I can disappear and never come back to this world. I’m tired of not being good enough for my husband . Nor at work where I’m being called fat or I’m going to slow. I feel so unhappy with life with my body . I’m not happy at where I’m at in life with no degree disappointing my husband every time. I keep going by looking at my daughter ..... than I have days where my daughter starts her tantrums and goes out of control .... I have no one idea how to calm her down she smacks me or yells her lungs so loud outer space can hear her. There are times I want to end my life but I’m not sure how .... my mind is in such a dark place I hate being like this .... I’m getting to my breaking point in life #Anxietys #SuicidalThoughts #Familytroubles #CheckInWithMe

So I am new here and I was recently diagnosed with POTS. Also last year I was diagnosed with EDS and Tethered Cord Syndrome. I had Tethered cord release surgery last December and I am still struggling with recovery.
Fast forward to my POTS diagnosis I am again going the a grieving period knowing I won’t ever get better. I am struggling again knowing I have the manage this condition along with everything else.
I have three kids ages 11, 10, and 8 as well as three cats and two dogs. Keeping a tidy household is important to me but it is such a struggle when you don’t feel well. Also doing fun things with my family is a struggle as well.
My husband has been so supportive but I still feel guilty not working and not always having a tidy house. Plus some nights I just don’t even want to spend time with them. I just want to hide in my room and sleep because I am always tired.
The chronic fatigue kicks my butt I am always tired. When I have coffee it flares up my POTS so it’s a loose loose situation.
I know I will eventually get to a better place with my depression and anxiety but right now it all is overwhelming. Plus going to all these doctors appointments is like managing a full time job! #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #LivingWithPOTS #ChronicIllnessEDS #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #EDSers #Depression #Anxietys #ChronicFatigueSymdrome