This Is Me

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Meet HRH The Duke of Bork

I am his emotional support human 💛. He has a very tough life what with being stuck with us, his insubordinate servants, Jeeves 1 & 2. Here I am giving him some cuddles because he decided he desired dinner 2 hours before serving time.

Being a pug bichon mix, it is an additional burden for him that we do not keep him in the style he desires… that of the lavish life as it was at Versailles!

Marie Pugtoinette borks “let me eat foie gras cake” at us daily, yet we continue to disappoint.

Feel free to boop ye royal snoot 👑

#dog #ForTheLoveOfDogs #Pets #MightyPets #MightyMoment #humour #Humor #Laugh

#ThisIsMe #ChronicFatigue #MightyTogether

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Meet HRH The Duke of Bork

I am his emotional support human 💛. He has a very tough life what with being stuck with us—his insubordinate servants, Jeeves 1 & 2. Here I am giving him some cuddles because he decided he desired dinner 2 hours before serving time.

Being a pug bichon mix, it is an additional burden for him that we do not keep him in the style he desires… that of the lavish life as it was at Versailles!

Marie Pugtoinette borks “let me eat foie gras cake” at us daily, yet we continue to disappoint.

Feel free to boop ye royal snoot 👑

#dog #ForTheLoveOfDogs #Emotionalsupport #Pets #MightyPets #MightyMoment #Humor #Laugh #ThisIsMe #ChronicFatigue #funny

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Half of my nutshell

Okay so I have these stupid mental illnesses that are making life dumb right now.
1) Bipolar, I am in a manic, which means hyper creativity, zero impulse control, lack of inhibition, short fuse, INSOMNIA
2) Seasonal Affective Disorder, the clouds are grey, so I am grey, and that means lethargy, withdrawing, anger, and intrusive negative thoughts
3) Situational Depression, see above, plus apathy, and SUICIDAL IDEATION, I have no plan or intent, it is a creep thought.
4) Borderline Personality Disorder, I am a burden to all of you and you literally hate me. Overreactive, aggressive, angry, loud, and violent when triggered.
5) PTSD when I sleep I have nightmares or very vivid dreams, I have to be in a specific place when eating at diners. I hate having my back to people. Certain sounds scare me. Thoughts, flashbacks, and memories come unbeckoned to the front of my mind when I am trying to sleep.

I'm tired
#PTSD #Depression #BipolarDisorder #SeasonalAffectiveDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ThisIsMe

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#ThisIsMe

I realized I hadn’t updated my “medical conditions” list on my medical ID bracelet site in awhile. I realized after looking over my list that most of my conditions are “invisible”, except for my knee problem that I wear a knee brace for and sometimes use a cane. So often, I feel overwhelmed by the number of conditions I live with (Am I a “bad seed”?) and the physical and emotional pain that they cause; even the ones that have been “repaired” have come with lingering pain from scarring, incomplete cure or subsequent Dx. I’m thankful for my caring husband and a few really close friends who understand to a point. But even they get tired of my need to share my emotions about what I’m going through. I’m thankful for this group who gets what I mean and can give support without judgment or weariness.
I’m no longer able to work fulltime; I used to be an educator in various special education programs as well as in schools.
I try to help others who have conditions like mine as well, so I’m not just a “taker”.
Here is my list. Dates indicate either diagnosis date or surgery date.

Right inner ear imbalance 1998
Narcolepsy 1999, 2021
Allergies - plants, animals, foods and meds
Asthma
Hypothyroid
Sliding hiatal hernia 2011
Sphincter of Oddi dysfunction Type 3 2007 - result of gallbladder removal 2005
Diabetes Type 2 1996
GERD 2005
Mild/moderate disc degeneration neck & low back and mild spinal stenosis
Slip & fall back injury 10/15- MRI Nov 2017 SI joint injury
Fibromyalgia - 1995
Sleep apnea 2019
History of ruptured ovarian cysts 2006 -
Recurrent tingling/"electrical shocks" all over body 2007 - diagnosed as Small Fiber Polyneuropathy 2020
Scoliosis (curved and twisted)
Right knee cartilage deterioration (injured 1979 & 1986) - diagnosed permanently dislocated kneecap 2019
Arthritis - neck, hips, knees, hands
Carpal Tunnel syndrome - 2019
Bursitis - left hip 2017
Recurrent "tennis elbow"
Plantar fasciitis and tendonitis both feet - custom orthotics 1991
Fatty liver
Cardiac "regurgitation"
Major Depression,
Anxiety, C-PTSD, possible BPD
Multiple concussions (5)
Multiple whiplash injuries
Vaginal Hysterectomy with Rectocele and Cystocele repairs - 2018 - Urinary incontinence
Frequent Migraines

#Multiplediagnoses
#ChronicPain #MentalIllness

#SuicidalIdeation
#Trauma
#SexualAbuse #SexualAssault
#ChronicIllness
#PostconcussionSyndrome #SmallFiberPolyNeuropathy
#InvisibleIllness
#Vertigo
#Migraine

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Fighting since birth

#ThisIsMe 32 years ago. To this day, it feels as though I’m stil fighting for air.

Am I blessed? Beyond measure. Am I grateful? For everything God has put before me. Some may look at me me as a complainer , a hypochondriac.. a recluse. Fact of the matter is I’ve been fighting since birth. Literally. And My body is exhausted.

Today I’m praying for a little extra push to get through the day.

To all who read this, God bless you.

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Saying hello to my followers #Hello #bpd2 #Anxiety #ThisIsMe

Thought I would say hello to my followers by introducing myself, I'm Chloe or Chlo, I'm from England and live with BPD2 as we are all in lockdown this is the 3rd time in it and my god I am seriously struggling. I've posted the picture above to show behind my Instagram smile is a person's that is hurting and in pain with my thoughts and body, everything aches including my mind. Being stuck indoors is driving me insane I have no feeling of wanting to go out for a walk either the thought of it makes me feel sick. Has anyone else struggled or struggling with lockdown? #Lockdown #COVID19 #help

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Am I right #getanamen #Hello I'll just leave this here for the night haha #ThisIsMe #Anxiety #Depression #BPD

Hope this brought you little joy, a small smile!

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EYE ROLL..... #Anxietys #BPD #SoConfused

One of my best friends dropped me a few months back, when I needed her the most, her youngest and my youngest daughter are best friends as well. She says " you are to much for me right now, ..."
I ask her 2 months ago if her daughter could come over to play " no I dont trust your environment, but izzy is more than welcome here"... fast forward to today" can G come over to play today at your house"
We literally haven't spoken.... like not even once ...... so her daughter is here.
I so desperately want to go back to pretending that everything was grand. Back to " normal "... but I know I wasn't ok. I know it wasn't healthy. I know I wasn't happy. So I have here over.... I feel so confused.
I need to separate myself for these feelings. I want izzy to have her friends it doesn't me that I have to like the parents lol.
Do you ever miss the before you??? The before yoy before the diagnosis?? It feel like a different life.
A different person.
How come I feel "worse" and have more lows and distinct highs now AFTER my diagnosis.?? Is it because I'm more aware now???
Does this get better.??
#whoami #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #thoughtoftheday #ThisIsMe #mybrainismush #mother #Diagnosis

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