This Is Me

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This Is Me
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    Community Voices

    Dear society, I have 5 non-romantic system partners and they’re not made up | TW erasure #venting

    Dear society,

    Please stop making all of your information on “love” advice for romantic couples or just throuples. And please stop assuming that everyone has or wants a partner or feels romantic/sexual attraction to someone. It’s very annoying. I’m queerplatonic with all of my partners. Not romantic. More than platonic.

    Oh yeah, and please stop assuming that our partners are either a boy or a girl. I have one future wife, two future nonbinary spouses, and two nonbinary partners (one of them is a nonbinary man).

    Don’t tell me to choose one. Don’t ask me who I like more because I like all of them equally and that’s that. Don’t tell me my partners are “made up” because we’re in a system.

    A nonbinary (pangender) man who is tired of this amatonormativity and monogamy-centered society.

    /vneg /srs

    #feelingerased #LGBTQIA #polyamorous #polyaffectionate #erasure #DearSociety #ThisIsMe #tired #system

    Community Voices

    Half of my nutshell

    <p>Half of my nutshell</p>
    3 people are talking about this
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    Community Voices

    Pain in my Brain and considering things
    #Agoraphobia #Anxiety #OCD #MentalHealth #Trauma #ThisIsMe

    I feel closer and closer everyday of giving into drugs, even hard drugs to numb me out into a zombie. I use prescription Xanax but I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be prescribed it, it’s the only thing that helps. I just want to feel completely sedated, why is there anything wrong with me wanting this when I’m in so much mental strife? In another post I’ve mentioned going to Amsterdam and applying for euthanasia, not because I want to die, (I don’t), but because I wouldn’t expect anyone else with my mental conditions to continue to suffer and live vs take a pill and not have to suffer anymore. I’m not wanting to die, but as I’ve mentioned I wouldn’t expect anyone else to withstand this pain on a daily basis. Maybe I can numb my mind with drugs so that I don’t have to suffer anymore.

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    I realized I hadn’t updated my “medical conditions” list on my medical ID bracelet site in awhile. I realized after looking over my list that most of my conditions are “invisible”, except for my knee problem that I wear a knee brace for and sometimes use a cane. So often, I feel overwhelmed by the number of conditions I live with (Am I a “bad seed”?) and the physical and emotional pain that they cause; even the ones that have been “repaired” have come with lingering pain from scarring, incomplete cure or subsequent Dx. I’m thankful for my caring husband and a few really close friends who understand to a point. But even they get tired of my need to share my emotions about what I’m going through. I’m thankful for this group who gets what I mean and can give support without judgment or weariness.
    I’m no longer able to work fulltime; I used to be an educator in various special education programs as well as in schools.
    I try to help others who have conditions like mine as well, so I’m not just a “taker”.
    Here is my list. Dates indicate either diagnosis date or surgery date.

    Right inner ear imbalance 1998
    Narcolepsy 1999, 2021
    Allergies - plants, animals, foods and meds
    Sliding hiatal hernia 2011
    Sphincter of Oddi dysfunction Type 3 2007 - result of gallbladder removal 2005
    Diabetes Type 2 1996
    GERD 2005
    Mild/moderate disc degeneration neck & low back and mild spinal stenosis
    Slip & fall back injury 10/15- MRI Nov 2017 SI joint injury
    Fibromyalgia - 1995
    Sleep apnea 2019
    History of ruptured ovarian cysts 2006 -
    Recurrent tingling/"electrical shocks" all over body 2007 - diagnosed as Small Fiber Polyneuropathy 2020
    Scoliosis (curved and twisted)
    Right knee cartilage deterioration (injured 1979 & 1986) - diagnosed permanently dislocated kneecap 2019
    Arthritis - neck, hips, knees, hands
    Carpal Tunnel syndrome - 2019
    Bursitis - left hip 2017
    Recurrent "tennis elbow"
    Plantar fasciitis and tendonitis both feet - custom orthotics 1991
    Fatty liver
    Cardiac "regurgitation"
    Major Depression,
    Anxiety, C-PTSD, possible BPD
    Multiple concussions (5)
    Multiple whiplash injuries
    Vaginal Hysterectomy with Rectocele and Cystocele repairs - 2018 - Urinary incontinence
    Frequent Migraines

    #ChronicPain #MentalIllness

    #SexualAbuse #SexualAssault
    #PostconcussionSyndrome #SmallFiberPolyNeuropathy

    8 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Fighting since birth

    <p>Fighting since birth</p>
    3 people are talking about this
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    Community Voices

    EYE ROLL..... #Anxietys #BPD #SoConfused

    One of my best friends dropped me a few months back, when I needed her the most, her youngest and my youngest daughter are best friends as well. She says " you are to much for me right now, ..."
    I ask her 2 months ago if her daughter could come over to play " no I dont trust your environment, but izzy is more than welcome here"... fast forward to today" can G come over to play today at your house"
    We literally haven't spoken.... like not even once ...... so her daughter is here.
    I so desperately want to go back to pretending that everything was grand. Back to " normal "... but I know I wasn't ok. I know it wasn't healthy. I know I wasn't happy. So I have here over.... I feel so confused.
    I need to separate myself for these feelings. I want izzy to have her friends it doesn't me that I have to like the parents lol.
    Do you ever miss the before you??? The before yoy before the diagnosis?? It feel like a different life.
    A different person.
    How come I feel "worse" and have more lows and distinct highs now AFTER my diagnosis.?? Is it because I'm more aware now???
    Does this get better.??
    #whoami #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #thoughtoftheday #ThisIsMe #mybrainismush #mother #Diagnosis

    3 people are talking about this