birthdays

Life is what it is. It is what you make it. I can't go back and change the choices. I didn't know what i know NOW, back THEN. I can just go forward. So what if im not married and have kids. So what if i don't have a job. Doesn't mean things can't still happen. Just thinking out loud.

So i got a gift from my dad today and got to goout to dinner. My worker i got lunch and ice cream. The group home did give me a birthday gift to. So that is nice,

I hate eating in front of people. I don't know what happen. I had a scarey moment. I had got food stuck in my throat. I was okay in the end.I think i was trying to eat to fast and thinking. UGH. #TheMighty #MightyTogether #Depression #Anxiety #Birthdays

Happy birthday to me! My birthday is October 4th and I’m having so many moments lately where I realize things did get better. I know how annoying it is to hear “it’ll get better” when you’re depressed or going through things. They say that with no date or substance on when it will get better how it will. My birthday season this year has been a Cinderella season where my birthday-- a day I used to dread even up until last year, is now full of so much light and love. Birthdays are sadly such a complicated day for so many people, and I’m only now releasing the hurt and pain associated with years worth of birthdays recently.

Releasing old pain is hard, and we cannot do it until we are ready, but it can happen. It’s been happening for me continuously the past month. Today I'm celebrating me, my existence and the existences of those who keep me anchored here.

How can you celebrate yourself today?

Are you celebrating a birthday or about to approach your Special Day? Are you excited or wanting to run away?
In my latest article I'm sharing how I break free from expectations and celebrate "chronic illness" style. I'm having my own birthday revolution and you can too ❤🎈
t.co/itdt2mv8EW

#Birthdays #Celebrating #ChronicIllness

December is the roughest month of the year. The blues start in October but December is a whole other monster. My caretaker’s birthdays are in December. The first one on the third then on the 14th. My birthday is the 23rd. Christmas. Financial strain with my kids because I want them to have something better. I wish I was never born so my birthday is always a day of regret. Life for so many people would have been so much better if I had never been conceived. I wish I could hibernate until mid January. My new therapist had to jump in in the midst of it. Everyday is a fight to stay alive. I’m trying not to overwhelm her but it’s so hard to keep it all inside. I just want it to be over. I’m looking forward to the end of the holidays. I hate being the grinch this time of year but I can’t be anything else. I’ve tried. I wish I could just think more positively and just be positive.
#HolidaysAreHard #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Birthdays #Anxiety #Depression

Tomorrow is my 37th birthday, and I've penned a 'letter' that I'm going to post on my wall which pretty much tells all of my social media #Friends about how my #Depression affects me on my #Birthday . Here's a sample: "I have to tell the truth on this day as if there will be no other days when I would want to. No, this not a cry for help, I don’t want your help, nor do I want any false and self-forced wishes for a happy birthday. I am not happy, have not been in a long time. I feel every day for the last 20 years has been a waste, a life someone else could have lived, a soul someone other than me could have held onto." Has anyone else ever made a post before/on their birthday asking friends NOT to wish a happy birthday for you? This is just a small taste of what I will post at midnight, I don't want false or forced wishes for a happy birthday! Maybe it's this depression I've had for the last 20 years, it's that time of the year that makes it even harder to deal with.