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my mother raises my daughter

my daughter is about to be 8 , she's lived with my mom since 1 due to my addiction and bad choices . I've turned my life around and been out of the "game" for 5 yrs . I am stable , active in a 12 step program , raising a 2 yr old , working , and sober. both my daughter and mom are attached by the hip and very unwilling to move forward with her coming to live with me . my mom lets her run all over her and frankly she's a brat and gets everything she wants. just like I was growing up.
I don't play that when she is with me , I want her to have a strong foundation of self , and to be raised with values and self respect . my mom does the best she knows how, but shes raising her identically to the way she raised me, which will not turn out well. you can't give away what you don't have . don't get me wrong ,I am grateful for her raising her up until this point but it's time for me to be the mother now , she needs me.
my moms whole entire life revolves around her , in a unhealthy way. there are no boundaries.
I don't want to force her to live with me if she truly doesn't want to .
has anyone experienced something similar ? what are your thoughts , suggestions, words any words would be helpful
#Addiction #Motherhood #boundariesarehard #MomGuilt

1 comment


never really have used boundaries. I’ve never felt like I needed to, now if that’s because I have anxiety, i don’t know. I built them today with a client. I was really nervous because she yelled at me in a previous session (I’m a counselor). I told her today she can not yell at me, and that she needs to stop running my session over!

#boundariesarehard #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #CheerMeOn #Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth

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Changing habits without ignoring needs #Anxiety #Depression

I am not really a “new years resolution” person but I saw this and I really liked how it looked at setting goals without taking away your needs. As a super high functioning anxious person I was always trying to live a very objectively ‘perfect’ life and would do things like stop drinking coffee, stop using social media, fill up all my free time with a million hobbies instead of watching YouTube etc. But even though maybe I was making healthy steps on the surface, it was enabling me to ignore my needs more than I already was and just give me an anxious list of things to accomplish and things to not do. Because I believe even our “unhealthy” habits have an underlying need, I think it’s important to look at why we do the things we do and make sure we are still getting what we need. Anyways I just liked how this broke it down and made it easy to set yourself up to make positive changes without ignoring your needs which are IMPORTANT so I thought I’d share. #NewYears #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD #Sadness #boundariesarehard


Any thoughts? #Anxiety #DomesticAbuse

So I just sent this to my most recent abuser, who is still tangled up in my life because I'm having trouble letting go.

Ok, this needs to be said. I'll NEVER be what you want me to be. You've set me up for failure. You want someone who thinks for themselves, but obeys you, says the things you want her to say, and doesn't try to interject anything in to your life that you don't deem necessary. You want someone who speaks up, but only if it jives with what you want to hear. You want someone to love you, but only when it's convenient for you. I'm sorry to tell you, it doesn't work that way.
Tonight you told me to be myself... when I was just doing things I would normally do. I try being polite, courteous, and respectful, but that "stresses" you out. I try to be supportive and understanding, you take it to extremes and exploit it. If my opinion or thought doesn't match yours when I speak, I get lectured about how I "need to listen" or start thinking more clearly. God forbid I have feelings about something. If I do, I'm "messing with" you or "playing games". I have learned not to answer the question "what do you think" with what I really think. I'm just supposed to spit out answers you want to hear, but I'm also supposed to disguise it as my own free thought. Although, if you catch on to what I'm doing, or even if you just think that I'm doing that, you call me out. I say things that are positive and supporting, then you say I'm giving "lip service". I'm going to use something you say frequently... I can't win.
I'm sorry I'm not a computer. I'm sorry that we are such vastly different people. I'm sorry I don't know how to be honest, while not being true to myself. For having feelings and needs like any other human being.... sorry, not sorry.

Any feedback? #CPTSD #Anxiety #boundariesarehard


Comment in regards to Q about Boundaries...

#Depression #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #boundariesarehard #self #Identity #Spiraling #Friendship #Relationships #PTSD #Hospital #balance #Guilt #Selfblame #Selfcare #Selfhate #Support #Loss

So I lost my best and only friend a week ago because I tried to set boundaries an she told me I wasn't allowed to and that boundaries are something both people make an set an discuss an ask to do first. She called me selfish and told me I could have fixed everything with one word except I said sorry for everything repeatedly over 20 times an the argument started over her saying I harassed and offended her over me giving her advice when SHE was the one asking for it an then said "WHY DOES EVERYONE ASSUME I MEAN XYZ I DIDN'T SAY THAT! I'M NOT STUPID!" I never called her stupid, I never said she didn't know something, and I didn't know anything about these "others" she was ranting about. I said I'm sorry others are being rude but I'm not an im not them or responsible for their actions. It escalated to the point of her saying she was self harming an that she was forced to wake up her parents an how they couldn't believe I'd do this/treat her like xyz. I said to be safe but I had to give a break because I need to be safe myself. She acted like I wasn't allowed to do this and continued to message me even when i needed space to BREATHE as I saw the convo going through spirals an circles an not healthy as it was "he said she said." Then told me my partner was abusing her for telling her off to stop talking to me an she wouldn't tolerate abuse and then blamed me saying I am supposed to defend HER always as her best friend/sis. As I needed space to think she told me I was triggering her by ignoring her because she saw I was online but not responding. I ended up being torn to pieces and interalizing a lot of pain an blame... that brought me to be forceabily taken to the hospital an all my rights taken away. My boyfriend while I was in hospital made the decision I ultimately couldn't because my head was spiraling so bad... he blocked her on my accounts on my computer. I'm STILL trying to cope an everything hurts so so bad. My therapist told me im trying to make sense of her reality that is impossible to as she is in her own world where the sky is purple and ground orange. I'm not sure what to do ultimately as she an I was the closest ive ever been with a friend an I'm terrified now of getting close to anyone. I also have BPD so I crave that really strong emotional bond with people an it feels like there's this huge gap in my life now an my brain wants to fill it but I know that's not healthy. I struggle to make connections and I love my boyfriend I really really do. But sometimes you need friends an other connections you know?

[[ Continued in comments!!! ]]


My mother keeps overstepping my boundaries, especially when it comes to my disabilities. How can I tell her to stop?



I have ALWAYS been a people pleaser.

#boundariesarehard ! I want you and to set boundaries and do some of the things I used to do for enjoyment 11 years ago before I got married. (Third time) I feel SO BAD when I do. My husband is so use to me doing only the things he ‘needs ‘ me to do. We have a farm and he always needs me to do something or get something for him. When I want to go do something fun he says we don’t have the money or he just doesn’t want to. He pouts and acts upset if I want to do it by myself. I just don’t do it, to keep peace.



How do you all set boundaries with friends? I have a friend who just takes from me (in a literal sense) and barely gives back. She’s not in a healthy mental health place at the moment so I try to be understanding but I’m going through a rough time myself & she just won’t be there for me. I know if I try to talk to her it will destroy the friendship and I can’t bear the thought of losing another person right now. So I really don’t know what to do. It’s really hurting me. Please help!!! #Friendship #boundariesarehard #hurting #Friends