Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia

Hi, my name is KimSings. I’m new to The Mighty and look forward to sharing my story.

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#Leukemia I turned 65 this past October (2021) and went to a doctor for the first time in several years. I am a runner, fitness enthusiast, and felt I was in great health. Long story short, to my great surprise, the doctors discovered I have chronic lymphocytic leukemia. Already in stage one. Still trying to wrap my head around that.

Hi, my name is csp33092. I’m in Miami and new to The Mighty. I am looking for a local support group, a local CLL specialist and a local CLL Advocate. I surely would appreciate your ideas.

Are CLL Specialists recommending Covid-19 vaccination for CLL patients in remission?
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What is the CLL community experience with the Covid vaccine?
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I have recently been reminded that instead of focusing on everything I can't do anymore because of my multiple chronic illnesses, I was getting deeper into my hole of depression; I needed to focus instead on the things I can do. It helps some to not dwell on the negative! Depression chronic illness migraine fibromyalgia CLL

I'm 21, I lost my mother recently right after Christmas. She was chronically ill with multiple illnesses like CLL Leukemia, MPD, heart failure, fibromyalgia, and much much more. She was in pain for a long time, but she was always there for me when I was in pain. As I've been dealing with depression since I was around age 6, she was always there to comfort me and get me through.

Now I'm lost. I have constant intrusive thoughts and they are worse and my life the past week or so has been just one big black hole. I don't remember much that's happened the past week or what I've even been doing besides trying to distract myself from the void. I cry, self medicate, try to distract myself, constant cycle. I just don't know how to get through this grief. I miss my mom, she was my bestfriend and much more than that. The pain she lived with I couldn't imagine, but the pain I'm left with I don't know how to live through.

I have emotional support, if I need possibly physical, I have family and friends who love me and I know they do. How is that not enough for me to not feel like I want to also be dead? I wish I could understand my own brain and thoughts.

The constant idea of suicide has always been in my mind since I could remember, but it's growing much harder to deal with. When my mother started taking a cancer treatment after she hit stage 4, she made me promise one thing. She made me promise to her that I would not kill myself over this. I promised her. I want to keep my promise. But the pain I feel is so strong and I don't know how to convey my emotions besides harming myself and being sad. I don't know how to deal with this pain. Even with all the love and support I have. I don't know how to do this. I want to stay strong for her as I know she wouldn't want me to feel this way. I just can't control my mind.

#ChronicLymphocyticLeukemia

We are working with a partner in the cancer industry to better understand your experience with chronic lymphocytic leukemia (CLL). How do you educate yourself and make decisions about treatment? What do you feel you need to know to better make treatment decisions? Comment or like this post if you are interested in participating. #ChronicLymphocyticLeukemia #Cancer #RareDisease #NonHodgkinsLymphoma

#ChronicLymphocyticLeukemia