cryforhelp

I live in Mexico. Last year I was in rehab due to BPD and binge eating disorder. It’s been 5 months now that I’ve been in recovery and today I feel like I relapsed into depression. I’m eating way too much out of anxiety and I don’t find the motivation to live anymore. I’m so scared of this disease taking over me, I skipped my therapists appointment tonight and lied about it, I used my therapy money on food binges and I haven’t been eating healthy for the past 2 weeks. I’m going into previous bad habits that could slowly kill me. I should be thankful to be alive but somehow I’m just numb. I’m surviving, not living, and I feel like I’ll never be happy again. I’m scared to socialize, that I’ll be boring to my friends, I don’t even know how to talk to them anymore, I feel like I’m faking it, just being someone they want me to be. Even though I go to a 12 step group Overeaters Anonymous, I’m so in denial that I feel it isn’t working because I’m too fucking stubborn to change.

Can anyone give me some motivation to change my mindset, please 🖤 #desperateforhelp #cryforhelp #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Overeating #bed #Loneliness #EmptinessIsHeavy

I'm so sorry for worrying every one
An ambulance came for me at 1:40am in the morning I'm ok just very tired and drained and feel very very sick .

So, I’ve been thinking about going back to counseling/ therapy. Whatever you wanna call it. But I’m completely terrified of the highs and lows. My husband has mentioned before, you always feel so bad when you go to counseling. I’m at a crossroad and need to either shit or get off the pot, something my dad says. I’ve been in counseling on and off since I was 11. I need to talk to someone, but I’m scared. Can someone just tell me what to do so I don’t have to make the decision? Because making decisions is also hard me. #ADD #Anxiety#Depression#CPTSD#RheumatoidArthritis

I think it's time that I go with the inner shift in my mindset and do something different. Unfortunately, all I want to do now is to kill off my heart, destroy my feelings, and to not allow myself to feel again. I feel like doing everyone a favour and leave without a trace. I no longer want to feel love. I don't know how I could ever help anyone in this world. I don't know why they would need me in the first place. I feel so worthless... I try to endure it all, but I implode every time. My mind seems to be winning every battle thus far. I don't stand a chance against those who seem to be winning the game of life. I seem to fall harder and faster as everyone moves upward. I don't know what I'm doing anymore, I'm feeling everything so much... just let me die. #MentalHealth #Depression #cryforhelp #imnotok #NotOK #idontwantodothisanymore #Crying #Screaming #Screaminginside #letmedie

So I’ve been going through financial stuff that has made my depression worse. Am hanging in there for my kids and parents, but the depression is still there. Today I googled info on drug overdose. I know this is not a good sign. I realise that it’s no longer safe for me to keep this to myself...