disappointment

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Honestly, what the FUCK! I CAN’T FUCKING WORK! What is it that they can’t seem to understand?! My anxiety is a disability, damn it!!!

It’s been 3 FUCKING TIMES ALREADY, 2 FUCKING APPEALS, and I POORED ALL OF MY FUCKING HEART OUT ABOUT WHY I CANNOT FUCKING WORK, THE EMOTIONAL TRAUMA, THE EPISODES OF DEPRESSION, THE FUCKING HYGIENE ISSUES, MY SEVERE SOCIAL GENDER DYSPHORIA AS A NON-BINARY INDIVIDUAL AND AVOIDING MOST SOCIAL SITUATIONS OUT OF THE PURE FEAR OF BEING MISGENDERED, HATE BEING UNDER PRESSURE, HAVING MANY TRIGGERS! I was receiving payment for 3 fucking months, and NOW they’ve decided that my FUCKING STRUGGLES AREN’T ENOUGH?!?!

Honestly fuck everything. I feel like I’ll just never be truly seen by this US government. I’ve only just wasted my fucking time with them, and so really don’t feel like HAVING TO EXPLAIN TO THEM FOR THE 50TH TIME THAT I’M NOT MY BIRTH GENDER AND I AM NOT A BINARY GENDER!

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #MYANXIETYISADISABILITY #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #FeelingIgnored #thissucks #Trauma #angry #disappointment #LGBTQ #Loneliness #sad #Vent #venting

× " When I Frist Started Working For T. C. 《 Taco Cabana 》 ... I Was Happy And Excited....Now I'm Just Tired Of Being Yelled At For The Smallest Thing's. These Women Don't Have The Right To Constantly Verbally Abuse Me... Just Because They Are Alway's Pissed About Thier Postion's. Now They Started Talking Behind My Back...Critical About Everything I Don't Do. Like I Was Assigned To Do ¡ Tortilla's !.... And My General Manager Depends On Me More... Because These Other Women. Can't Speak English Only Spanish. And This Stresses Me Out Because I Now Have More Thing's To Do....I Take Out The Nasty Trash Everyday And Night. Clean The Restroom's...Broom × Mop The Lobby And Dinning Room Area...The Patio And Parking Lot... Plus My Job In Making Tortilla's... Now These Older Women.. Have Been Non Stop Complaining That I Need To Do The Register × Front-Line...Etc. I Expidate The Uber Driver's. And Everything That I Just Listed. I Feel Broken And Feel Worthless. These People Don't Give A Shit About My Work Ethic...As Long As They Don't Have To Lift A Finger Break A Nail. I Have Been So Nice These 5 Month's. Now I Also Have A Young Assistant Manager. Who Doesn't Like Me At All. IDK Why Nor Do I Care...But She Shouldn't Treat Employee's Like Trash. She Manage's The Night Shift With Me Another Girl × Two Men. This Girl Get's Super Mad If The Men Offer To Help Me With Some Task... Or Come Talk To Me. I Have Been Wanting To Make Friendship's. But These Employee's Are Showing Me That They Are Mean. The Only Ally I Have Is My General Manager... She Hired Me To Help Her... Mind You I Don't Talk To Anyone At My Job. I Only Ask Work Related Question's. I Have Been In A Depressed Mood Since Our Busy Cinco De Mayo Week. I Don't DeGeneres To Be Mistreated Like Trash...And Petty Bullshit. Now I Have Been Dreading Going To Work And Feel Misrable.... I Help So Much I Don't Understand People Anymore. I Have Been Made To Stay Outside For 2 Hour's By The Younger Assistant Manager... To Keep Me Away From The Men Because She Flirt's With Them 24/7. Like I Don't Care She Can Have Them And Mistreat Them Too. She Has Made Me Wait For Her 2 Hour's Just To Get Window Cleaner From Her. And Talk Bossy.... Everyone Seem's To Have A Bad Habit Of Talking Out Thier Issue's And Drama Out On Me... Now I Feel Like I Need To Quit...Or Stay Keep On Taking This Verbal Non Stop Yelling Abuse. Idk Anymore... I Have Also Have Been Having #suicidal Idealation...Thought's.. Which Has Never Happened This Much. The Stress Is Insane... Human's Need To Stop Being Mean And Rude... Your Not Going To Get Help... From Other's If You Mistreat Them All The Time... " × Sincerely, ☆ S. K. ☆ #Depression #Anxiety + Panic Attack's

I wanted to know some stuff about my depression, find some solutions or figure out what should I do to make myself better.
I searched everything here, and I think I've known these stuff.
But it was pretty cool that I found people who are alike
#Depression
#disappointment

I asked someone to pick between nude and hug.... he picked nude 😂😂
I feel like I should be upset but I'm not
I feel like I should be sad but I'm not
I feel like I should feel something but I'm not

He said it's more logical

This is someone I actually expected something from.

Turns out I was not disappointed, it like something I know will happen
It just, I don't know, I'm quite lost to be honest cuz I can't explain anything going on in my life right now.

#disappointment #HughesSyndrome #Hug #Depression

Remember those feelings when they say “fly as high as you can”, you feel powerful, confident and relieve, because after 29yrs living this set up life, you finally have a way out to live your life you desire. Feeling excited, you’ll never guess what’s waiting for you on the process.

Here i am, standing in front of an open door, ready to take my next step to study abroad. The next challenge is IELTS test that I’ve been preparing for past few months. Never I imagine, my brother speaks up and against my decision. I don’t feel any betrayal, because i know he’s being reasonable, I just don’t expect he’d brutally killed the fire inside me. Lately he’s been convincing my dad to not let me continue my study because it will cost lots of money, and no one can guarantee i’ll be successful in the future. He prefer I stayed, find a new job and give up my dream, play safe. His words start to grow inside me.

Once again, i doubt myself. That useless feeling, “i’m not worthy”, and “i’m a burden” start to fill my heart and mind. What if he’s right? In some way, maybe i’ll fail and waste all the money they invested in me, maybe I’ll disappoint my family, or maybe i am nothing.Lately I’ve been having a hard time to find the reason to keep pursuing my dreams. The worse part, all the suicidal thoughts have been filling my night, maybe my family will be better without me around, i’m a “reject”, i am a burden to my own family. Should I stop and stay? All this feelings keep dragging me to give up. I don’t even trust myself anymore. I can’t find the reason to keep going.

I have to make my final decision next week, to go or not to go.. let go and deal with my own feelings or go pursue my dream and forever argues with people i care.. #disappointment #AfraidofFailure #scared #SuicidalThoughts #NegativeThoughts #FamilyTrauma #overthinking

I have been seeing the same therapist for quite some time now. It took a couple years to be able to trust her (I don't trust easily) but for the most part I do at this point. But I worry often that I will disappoint her. after doing much better for awhile I have taken some huge steps backwards, and am afraid if I share too much I'll have let her down. I don't know why or how to overcome it. #disappointment #Therapy #Epilepsy #PTSD #Depression #Anxiety #SuicidalThoughts

I’ve never spent Thanksgiving alone. But this year, because if covid, my parents and myself, will be unable to go to my sister’s house for the holiday. My sister informed each of us that she won’t be dropping off meals for us. I have psoriatic arthritis and my parents are in their 70’s with heart issues. I’m sad to be alone and I’m sad that my sister is being so unkind. I’m not able to cook for myself and my parents aren’t able to either. If the situation was reversed and she was all alone and sick and disabled, I would always think of her. #alone #covidthankgiving #disappointment #PsoriaticArthritis #Fibromyaliga #Turkey

Thank God this is my day off, been up since about 4:30 in extreme pain, thank God, I only moaned and groaned last night in my sleep.

Already had a jerking and shaking episode, trying to calm my body down.

Can't get comfortable

Thank u all for accepting me for me.

#CheckInWithMe
#checkinwithmeplease
#disappointment
#DebbieDownerandBurden

Thank God this is my day off, been up since about 4:30 in extreme pain, thank God, I only moaned and groaned last night in my sleep.

Already had a jerking and shaking episode, trying to calm my body down.

Can't get comfortable

Thank u all for accepting me for me.

#ChronicIllness
#disappointment
#DebbieDowner
#Burden

I did not make it through an interview I did not even want to attend in the first place. In retrospect, ofcourse my performance was beyond acceptable. Sub standard. I got to know of it this morning and I cannot help escaping the fact that I have consistently been failing. It's almost every fricking thing I touch turns to nothing. This interview wasn't even difficult. I had prepared ofcourse but I chocked. Performance anxiety or whatever. I had to tell my family or who am I gonna tell. And they reacted as expected - from advice disguised as general discussion to interrogation of why I didn't make it- but they were still decent and sensitive enough to not probe. But even then I saw the disappointment in their faces and they were perhaps wondering 'what are we going to do with her'. I look around and I'm like 'f**k! This is such a mess. I am a mess'. Granted I don't want to succeed in everything but I succeed in nothing. Despite all this I had to pull a smiley face today as I sat through meeting after meeting at my uni and then had to teach a class after- stark reminder of no matter what happens, life goes on. I couldn't hold a conversation with my loved ones - I didn't have the energy to. Although I wanted nothing more than talk to my mum. I feared id break down or say something that might break her heart or get her worried. Even as I write this I have that inner monologue that tells me it will be fine - but truth told, maybe it isn't gonna be fine. Maybe I'm not one of those lucky ones for whome things work out.