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The Pain is keeping me up, it is 4:00am and I haven't slept.

I have
Congenital Hydrocephalus,
Retinaopathy of Prematurity
Chronic Knee, Ankle, Shoulder, Wrist Pain
2 L5 S1 Discectomies
Essential Tremors
Possible Neuropathy
Possible RA
Carpal Tunnel Syndrome
De Quarveins Tenosyvitis
Vocal Tremors
Groin Pain

#vocal tremors
#Groin Pain

1 comment

If u all don't mind praying for me, I need a financial blessing now, to go through the future. I've been off work since September, was supposed to have surgery for severe Carpal Tunnel and Dequervains Tenosyvitis, got diagnosed with Covid was getting disability, have no support, care, etc.

Not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks for ur prayers.



Yearning for romance but feeling undeserving #Insecure #unloveable

So I have been feeling broody lately and yearning for a family but I've been single for a long time and have never really been a kid and husband person, whenever I would think about my future it was always about my career from young age I didn't think I would be married or have children because I believed I was undesirable and lacked maternal instincts


Feeling hopeless

I’m having a hard time with the fact that I’m single and 29. Most of my friends are married and have kids. I live on my own in LA . I am scared to death of being single and by myself for the rest of my life.
I have a hard time being happy for others because I start thinking “I’ll probably never have that”.

I think nobody will ever love me because I have a pre-existing health condition (glaucoma) so my eyes look different.
I haven’t had a boyfriend in many years..
I just feeling really stuck/depressed/scared.

I hope I’m not the only one who’s got all of this going on.
#Depression #unloveable #unloved


Am I Worthy? #unloveable #mistake #neverenough

I've recently decided to try for a romantic relationship. With my mental illnesses it makes it extremely difficult. I have Borderline Personality Disorder and I am relatively new to the diagnoses. In the last year a lot has happened. I am out of a five year relationship, I was beaten and raped, I've decided to become alcohol free I'm almost 11 months sober, and I have moved in with my mother. Her and I's relationship has never been good, but this time it's different. She's trying to be more understanding now that there's a label for my problem. My father has never been around and when he was he was drunk, abusive, and grab happy. He liked to remind me that I was never wanted and that I was a mistake from the day he found out my mother was pregnant with me. After I was born I died twice and somehow made it back, that seemed to only make matters worse.

My dad recently came in and out of my life once again. He tries to act like a father to me when he gets bored or lonely and preys on the fact that I long for a father that loves me and cares. I tried to let him in, but it's the same old song and dance. He leaves death threats and reminds me that he's the only dad I'll have. If my own father wants me dead and treats me like garbage how can another man love me. I feel incapable of being loved, of having someone pay attention to me, of being something to someone else. My previous relationship was with a narcissistic sociopath and he made me feel emotionally exhausting. I was either too much or not enough there was no happy medium.

I met someone who is also sober and bettering his life. He asks about my day and my feelings. He wants to know if anything is wrong or how he could help. He loves me and tells me that I am beautiful. I love hearing it, but it terrifies me at the same time. No one has stuck around especially not anyone of the male species. They say they will never leave and they love me and the second I stop bending to their will I am trash. They remind me I'm a mistake and unwanted. I'm only good as long as I am taking orders and not asking questions. I want to trust him and believe him, but I don't feel I am worthy of being loved. He talks about his problems, his dreams, and his emotions. I'm falling so hard, but I have this wall up and I don't want to hurt him. I love him and he makes me happy, but I think he deserves someone better than me.

I don't want to be a mistake. I don't want to be emotionally exhausting. I don't want to be incapable of love. I want to be enough for someone forever. I seem to always fall short or push them away. I don't know if I should continue the relationship or disappear and save him from the mistake which is me...


Am I unlovable? #what 'swrongwithme? #unloveable

I am looking for a new relationship. I tried dating sites & apps. All I found were liars, cheaters & scammers. Finally I contacted a match maker. Then the pandemic hit. Lousy timing, I guess. Why can't I be happy alone? Why can't I squash this hope that some day I'll find someone who will love me? I have conversations with men & it goes well for weeks. Then suddenly it's radio silence. Nothing. This usually tells me he's married & I'm too trusting. It hurts! And it batters my self esteem. I know I'm with loving & there ARE good men out there. Why can't I find one?

1 comment

#numb #dontcareanymore #help #unloveable

I’m currently laying on a pile of laundry after a day of work because i can’t convince myself about the point of life. Even feeling awful physically and I don’t care because what’s the point. Nobody fucking loves me anyway and isn’t that the whole point of life and connection. But who the fuck wants a connection with me cause I’m psycho so it’s kind of like, what’s the point.