2020 has begun ...The last few days of 2019 . I was dreading the NEW YEAR(Decade ??? WHAT???) Just sad...The reality of time passing.
FASTER And FASTER it's like you're lost in the rush...Trying to recall memories. Examine them...But I never manage to catch them. I can't hold them in my mind's eye. Then you wonder, with memories so hard to see... Is anything you remember true or real? Distorted. mirage.
LIFE: It's like I lived it....But I didn't? Where did I disappear to? "BE" IN THE PRESENT MOMENT? We say. But how can you be? If you don't recall the past, how do you discern whether you are present or not?
Thinking in the last few days of 2019...A new yr My Cat passed in June...Now We start A yr ...A DECADE with out him in it...Why does time go by? Trying to love my new kitten...But I WANT Time to rewind...OVER & OVER back to when Woo was here...2020 just means he's farther away from me in my memory bank....and it'll just keep going that way! NO! I think of his death 7 months ago today--Wishing I could have been more present . I wonder If I caused him more pain...being in non acceptance of letting go. I'll never know.
Now the new kitten I love...but she hears me crying for Woo. Fear she'll think she's unwanted...WHY?
Fear,taking her to get Spayed...What if she doesn't survive the procedure??
What am I doing with a cat anyway Not emotionally or physically capable of providing the best care #Doubt #Disability #fearofloss #turnbacktime