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    I hate insomnia because it suck all the energy up.
    During the day, when I'd like to do my stuff, I feel like avoiding any place where I could lay down on; because, if I surrender, the tiredeness is gonna have me and then I usually just become more and more depressed.
    I think I should stand up, then, and do something, if that's what I want, but there is no energy to; and this makes me sad.
    I'm craving for some restful oblivion.

    Any tip?

    #Insomnia #tireness #SleepDeprivation #Energy #sleepdisorder #Sleep #tired

    4 reactions 2 comments
    Post
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    Throwback reflection

    There are times when what has been becomes suddenly much more real then usual.
    Not as a flashback - they're definitely different - but more like a realization that what's in my memories, in my patterns, in my body and mind has really happened, some time ago in my life.

    What surprises me the most is:
    I'm not fine, even though I'm better than in previous months and years, but, the hell, compared to before it's like I'm in Heaven.

    It doesn't bring me the positivity and mood switch I might expect, it weights the same, most of the times, but it surely helps me redimensioning the whole picture.
    I'm grateful, overall, for one thing: now, when I have my crisis, they're still bad and, sometimes, worse than other times years ago, BUT they're crisis: they happen from time to time. (I'm not talking about being on low mood; to me, before, it was much more than that: tentacles slipping out of my head trying to choke me and smash anything inside and around me).
    I can feel my mind clean, and, yup, I'm now crying, all of a sudden.

    I'd never wanna go back to before.

    A week ago I was writing a post I've never shared and, when recalling the bad effects the thing I was talking about had on me, I realized the list was very very long and very very painful and messy.
    What makes it often difficult for me to comprehend my patterns and problems is that I tend to hide them, and then forget about them, over the years.

    Thing is, there has been terror.
    I don't wanna include the details, because I'm aware that for someone they could be not nice.

    I shared this picture (search for Riftress on Pinterest, if you're interest - I really like these works) because it is one of the pics I saved back then.
    Something have sucked up my own self from my life and I think it was the exhaustion from that period.

    Crying helps me too.
    If now I'm crying, it means it really has been hard.
    Since I tend to hide and minimize, since people shared their issues with me and rarely listened to me, always ignored the signals I was pointing out and since things for me often changed - environmentally speaking - I tend to forget.
    To me, now, it feels like I'm based on a void past.
    It doesn't mean I'd wanna linger on it: just that in order to understand why I am the way I am today I need to recall.

    Times like this one, though, makes me wanna go back that before and erase everything. Why it had to be so damageful.
    Again, though, I tend to hide: none really witnessed in person any free expression of my mental state, so, then, it feel more righteous to minimize it. This confuses me.

    Though I think it's not fair to compair: the same trauma can have different outcomes on different people; that's why I think crying is helpful -> it spots out the fact that what I'm feeling and thinking about - recalling - has really been a hardship for me.

    But it seems impossible that all the dark lump has really left. Did it?
    Instead of feeling and expressing itself in dark and full of --- ways*, my mind's just flat. That's the new pattern, I guess.
    I've been backfired.
    * I don't really feel at ease sharing details, again, but I don't know how to express it.

    I still have issues to work on, sometimes - often - I just can take my mind anymore, I often have no energy to live my life, but sure it changed. Time heals.
    And I've understood myself and other people better, in the meanwhile, which has been another fundamental turning point.
    And I can't express how grateful I am whenever I get to become more aware then before. I love understanding.
    So - I still can change and for the better.
    There's and I have hope in it.

    #Reflection #throwback #Trauma #Crisis #time #Understanding #past #Memory #Pain #cry #Life #mind #pattern #backfired #Healing #Awareness #HealingProcess #exhaustion #Monster #illness #MentalHealth #growing #growth #Present #Hope #change #Grief #Energy

    20 reactions 5 comments
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    How to cope with a turbulent home life?

    Any tips or your own experience/ struggles turbulent or non functional families where everyone fights miscommunication grudges insults etc resentment. Sometimes it gets better but typically it’s only good and then it gets worse. #dysfunctional #Family #Toxic #belittle #Abuse #Fights #Energy #Draining #lovethembutitshard

    1 reaction
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    Writing My Way Through A Manic Episode

    Things are moving at a pace most people can't keep up with. Their inability to keep up only fuels my energy. And yet, my anxiety is high. I want to go out, I am tired of staying indoors. This seems to be a contradiction. You would think that my anxiety will keep me inside. But no, I am getting antsy just sitting here and want to do something, anything. The faster I type, the more energetic I become. It's almost like it's unbridled. I had to force myself to sleep last night. I tried to stay calm but that didn't really work. I don't know if I'll get decent sleep tonight. I feel wired, like there's something inside me that is making me feel this way. My fiancé says I'm like a Jack Russel. I just have boundless energy. I feel enlightened and have a renewed desire to continue learning languages, religious exploits and I am talking at pace that people say they can't understand me. Personally, I do not see it that way. The more I type the more I want to say. Does writing your way through a manic episode help you or make it worse? I find writing to be a great coping mechanism. I wish you all the best and I hope that you accomplish all you want. Stay strong my friends:)

    #BipolarDisorder #Manic #Mania #Energy #Writing #coping #help #checkin

    8 reactions 1 comment
    Post

    Poorly regulated energy levels?

    Do any of you guys ever get really, really tired (& maybe a bit sad) really suddenly with no warning what so ever? Sometimes it just feels like all the energy has been drained out of me with no explanation. Other times it feels as if I'm bursting with all of this uncontrollable energy. It's all just so hard to regulate & it's interfering with my schoolwork; it becomes harder to think & concentrate when I'm either vibrating in place or barely able to keep my eyes open.

    #neurodivergent #Autism #ADHD #Energy #regulation

    17 reactions 2 comments
    Post

    Shine Bright Like a Diamond

    #ChronicFatigue #Fatigue #fibromyalgiafatigue #exhaustion

    So on a personal note we flew high accomplished many things sent love out in many directions only to land on the couch and that’s IT. #crash #Drained #nap

    What IT all means is while we feel like we are getting better trying to do the things we use to do or remembering things that we could have done before diagnosis. We find ourselves in the cycle of #Updays #Downdays .

    This is incredibly frustrating and irritating to say the least. How does one do all the things one is supposed to do when they don’t have enough #Energy and suffer from #ChronicIlless ?

    Like seriously we have to be able to get through a week or two without being completely #overwhelmed .

    Ok like we have taken on some extra #Stress #Work #MentalHealth and sure some #Caregiving . But common like surly we can still get things done. #DoEverything right?…

    Wrong !!!

    This is the reminder that we are in this situation because you didn’t look after yourself #rest #Health #Breakes #timeOff #timeout .

    That’s right super hero you’re going to have to passé a bit better. Not everyday! Not every hour! Not every minute!

    So we are sorry! Please take time to say you are sorry for not looking after You!

    See while you would love to help and save the world… You forgot!

    You have to save you!

    IT is true and the year is ✨2022 IT is true.

    Please 🙏 be kind to you.

    Please 🙏 look after you.

    Please 🙏 take time for you.

    There is only one ☝️ you.

    Someone out there needs this so this is for U

    6 reactions 3 comments
    Post

    Growing Pains

    Back in the day,

    We used to play outside till dawn

    Now, we're just another government pawn

    Back in the day,

    We used to live, laugh & grow

    Now, we are forced to work our asses off bro

    What is this shit? (mind my language)

    Death is a trap to try and get us to submit?

    As kids, we couldn't wait to be adults

    Now, I reflect and I am like that was truly nuts!

    The days when we could cry and be comforted

    Childhood turned to adulthood and those days plummeted

    Now, we're struggling to make ends meet, Who would have thought, childhood was only a treat

    But it's life,

    So put away that knife

    It is what it is -

    God is good, all is his

    Better days are ahead

    So, go and continue to chase that bread!

    #Life #resilience #NeverGiveUp #Suicide #SuicideAwareness #Selfharm #selfharmawareness #strength #courage #bravery #Independence #freedom #freedomwriters #useyourwords #expression #expressyourself #creativity #Deep #deepthinkers #bold #Spirituality #Meditation #Spiritual #calm #Zen #gowiththeflow #liveinthepresent #loa #TheSecret #manifest #manifestation #Positivity #PositiveVibes #GoodVibes #vibes #Energy #YouCanDoIt #Believe #Hope #Care #Empathy #compassion

    1 comment
    Post

    Have you ever?

    Have your ever felt like no one understands you?

    Like you are alive but yet you feel like you are also dead

    Have you ever tried to reach out or talk

    But then, you are like 'nah, they won't get it'

    Have you ever felt so anxious,

    you masked it with ridiculously lame and 'weird' humour or sarcasm?

    Just to make it look like you are super chill but you are really just nervous

    Have you ever wanted to win a stranger's heart

    By giving them random compliments or by trying to make them smile or laugh

    Secretly thinking to yourself that this is exactly how you feel everyone should be and treat each other

    Have you ever been so naive to ignore the bad in someone and focus solely on the positives and look at the good in everyone?

    Have you ever been so foolish that you've tried to help and support or cheer up someone that has repeatedly hurt you and you know does not care about you and probably would not do the same in return? Yet, you do it anyways?

    Have you ever just stared into space, zoned out and smile...

    Imagining your perfect little dream world

    Imagining Utopia

    Have you ever been so naturally 'high' that people have assumed you drank or did drugs?

    Have you ever felt happy inside but on the outside felt scared to express or show it because of well, so-called evil eye

    Have you ever not believed in superstitions yet still been anxious and overthink your interactions due to them

    Have you ever just been happy for no reason at all like a child

    Have you ever... just spontaneously wrote a post like this without even thinking?

    Impulsivity can be fun but it can be exhausting...

    Humour can be fun but be tiring...

    Good things come and go; it is okay to feel not okay and for bad times to also come, they also go.

    Don't stop being you due to the bad moments or days

    KEEP SMILING :) :) Your energy is contagious and is needed to make the world go round - YING YANG - hippie style

    #modernhippie #hippiestyle #yingyang #loa #TheSecret #Energy #vibe #GoodVibes #smile #keepsmiling #haveyouever #justdoit #taketheinitiative #takerisks #risk #Risks #Impulsivity #spontaneous #bebold #bold #Brave #courage #strength #Independence #freedom #freedomwriters #resilience #Empathy #compassion #humanity #happyness #pursuitofhappyness #justlisten #listen #justobserve

    Post

    How Presentation Affects Representation - #DwhellOnIt Ep. 56

    📺 - tinyurl.com/6cyw8k39

    🗣 - "Taylor Lakhryst was an undecided voter who participated in a #CBC program called Face to Face during last year's federal election campaign. While being on the show gave her a chance to ask questions of a party leader, she felt CBC's production choices spoiled the experience by making her appear inept and powerless."

    ❓ - What's #DwhellOnIt ?

    👀 - Dwhell On It is a series where I answer your questions about my lived experience as a #trans woman!

    📺 - A new episode gets uploaded every week! - https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLr2CrTrMJaIzM7ETpDxpMcGHhJ1TPxPq4

    ‼️ - Get engaged!

    ➕ - Subscribe for more episodes & similar #Content ! - www.youtube.com/TaylorLakhryst

    ✉️ - #Comment w/ thoughts & questions!

    👍🏻 - Please like & #Share !

    🔖 - Bookmarks!

    "While you expressed #Gratitude for the #Opportunity to provide visibility on the subject of abuse toward the 2SLBGTQIA+ #Community , you felt that #CBC made choices which diluted your appearance. It left you feeling, if not misrepresented, then underrepresented."

    It feels as if #CBC chose to represent me as what I interpret as inept, powerless, and stuck with candy-coated concerns because who I am isn't palatable enough for Canadians who can't cope that #people such as myself strive to inspire and create #change .

    #social platforms highlighted my segment as being of the utmost importance on an issue that had not been placed front and centre in the campaign until my appearance.

    I continued to focus much of my argument on the treatment of my introductory video. I emphasized how problematic it was that this video highlighted "my love for #Sports and karaoke" while omitting more substantive #Comments about the importance of placing responsibility for bigotry and hate-based abuse on the abusers rather than the victims.

    "I'm an undecided voter because" and "Let's be #leaders …" were extracted from two completely different sections of what I provided. #CBC created that line and not me, and I'm not sure if that is conducive to "accuracy."

    "You stated that you followed all the directives given to you in advance by producers, yet you were the only one of the four participants given less than 40 seconds of airtime."

    "You also reiterated that #CBC exercised poor judgment when it failed to include your exchange about pronouns with #ErinOToole .”

    #CBC watered me down and presented me with the safest, most palatable and most comfortable image they could build based on the information I provided.

    "Your complaint is, first and foremost, a reminder that the stories journalists tell are not really "theirs." They are the stories of real #people with real lives, ambitions, and concerns."

    Journalistic Standards and Practices covers much ground regarding ethical #Journalism but doesn't cover specific circumstances.

    "There is more debate to be had about editing your introductory video … it's clear that those producers took two risks with your video."

    "On your frustration that the #question you asked on the show was "negotiated," … I worried it meant that programmers were forcing you to ask the questions that they wanted."

    🔗 - Links!

    How Presentation Affects Representation - tinyurl.com/yc26c89x

    Your Friends Appreciate a Random Check-In Call or Text More Than You Realize - tinyurl.com/3hbad7au

    What four undecided voters asked #ErinOToole | Face to Face 2021 - tinyurl.com/2p8ntybn

    #Media and #Journalism are transphobic. I was on #CBC News: The National Face to Face - tinyurl.com/5yfc9a65

    #Canada Voted In Favour of Policing Women's Bodies! - tinyurl.com/56b67cr9

    Is there anything that #people expect you to be good at but are very bad at? - tinyurl.com/br4j293z

    #CBC News: The National | #ErinOToole , Alberta's deadly COVID-19 surge, TIFF returns - tinyurl.com/4mvaemvy

    👀 - Create #change !  

    📣 - End anti-2SLGBTQIA+ abuse! - act.newmode.net/action/hirewheller/csr

    📣 - You can #help ! Everything inspiring HireWheller stays ongoing - biased systems, ignorant platforms, violent abusers & isolated victims.

    📣 - Grassroots #power comes from its #people ! Get involved or refer others you know to challenge systemic violence & oppression!

    💻 - Connect!

    @HireWheller: A grassroots group to #help the 2SLGBTQIA+ #Community overcome often-minimized struggles.

    Instagram: https://instagram.com/hirewheller

    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HireWheller-103322085282334

    #Twitter : https://twitter.com/HireWheller?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

    👱🏼‍♀️ - Look me up!

    TaylorLakhryst: #Transgender woman, advocate, INFJ, ♊️, she/her/hers 🏳️‍⚧️

    Linktree: linktr.ee/TaylorLakhryst

    📒 - Alt information

    * Text: Dwhell on it w/ Taylor Lakhryst Ep. 56 - How Presentation Affects Representation - HIREWHELLER

    * Description: A blonde woman wearing a black sweater is smiling & sitting in front of a beige wall. There is white text with a yellow & purple accent.

    * Captions: Automated

    #Gratitude #Opportunity #social #Sports #Comments #leaders #canadian #gender #grateful #interview #manitoba #News #Out #Respect #Safety #Success #winnipeg #Youtube #active #Activism #Anxiety #athlete #Business #causes #Charity #donate #Energy #equality #Fundraising #Lesbian #LGBT #LGBTQ #Kindness #marketing #Media #nonbinary #philanthropy #Pride

    Post

    Bigotry And The Bystander Effect

    🗣 - “Someone who has made up their mind will not change their mind. So, stop trying to worry about the fee-fees of someone who’s a terrible human being.”

    📺 - www.youtube.com/watch

    ‼️ - Get engaged!

    ➕ - Subscribe for more episodes & similar #Content - www.youtube.com/TaylorLakhryst

    ✉️ - #Comment with your thoughts or questions you'd like answered!

    👍🏻 - Please #like & #Share this to help get heard!

    ❓ - What's #DwhellOnIt

    👀 - Dwhell On It is a series where I answer your #questions about my lived #experience as a #trans woman!

    📺 - A new episode gets uploaded every week! - youtube.com/playlist

    🔖 - Bookmarks!

    05:20 - Let's talk inclusion!

    17:50 - Let's talk TERFs!

    39:15 - Let's talk about being exclusionary!

    51:08 - Let's talk about suppression!

    53:03 - End anti-2SLGBTQIA+ abuse! - act.newmode.net/action/hirewheller/csr

    🔗 - Links mentioned!

    03:21 - #Letters4TransKids - "You Know Who You Are!" - www.youtube.com/watch

    10:00 - Accomplishments, #Gratitude And More! - www.youtube.com/watch

    30:30 - Workouts: Worth the effort. Bigots: Nope. - www.youtube.com/watch

    40:55 - City Council Approves To Prefer #Kindness - www.youtube.com/watch

    44:10 - Travelling, Being Left-Handed & More! - www.youtube.com/watch

    💰 - Donate now! Help these fundraisers hit $1411!

    ❗️ - Support #RunForWomen & women's #MentalHealth programs! - run.convio.net/site/TR/Events/General

    ❗️ - Support #walk4md & individuals who live with neuromuscular disorders! - muscle.akaraisin.com/ui/walk4md22/p/TaylorLakhryst

    👀 - Get involved! You can create #change

    📣 - You can help! Everything inspiring HireWheller stays ongoing - biased systems, ignorant platforms, violent abusers, and isolated victims.

    📣 - Grassroots #power comes from its #people Please #help by getting involved or referring people you know to create change against systemic bigotry & oppression. Thanks! 💜

    💻 - Get connected!

    #hirewheller A #grassroots group aiming to help the #2slgbtqia #Community overcome often-minimized struggles.

    #Instagram instagram.com/hirewheller

    #Twitter twitter.com/HireWheller

    #Facebook www.facebook.com/HireWheller-103322085282334

    👱🏼‍♀️ - Look me up!

    #taylorlakhryst Trans woman, advocate, INFJ, ♊️, she/her/hers 🏳️‍⚧️

    #linktree linktr.ee/TaylorLakhryst

    📒 - Alt information

    * Text: Dwhell on it with Taylor Lakhryst - Bigotry And The Bystander Effect - Episode Forty-Seven - HIREWHELLER

    * Description: A blonde woman wearing a purple sweater is smiling and sitting in front of a beige wall. There is black, grey, and white text on a turquoise background.

    * Captions: Automated

    #Activism #AskMe #Business #Canada #Career #causes #changemakers #Charity #cityofwinnipeg #Comments #contentcreator #creator #Diversity #diversityandinclusion #dogood #donate #Employment #Energy #Equity #ethics #eventplanning #Events #Fundraising #gender #government #grateful #humanities #humanrights #Inclusion #inequality #leaders #LGBT #LGBTQ #linkinbio #Love #manitoba #Manitobans #mbpoli #MentalHealth #Motivation #Network #opportunities #Opportunity #Organizing #partnerships #philanthropy #policies #policy #Pride #ProtectTransKids #ProtectTransYouth #quality #question #Respect #Safety #socialgood #SocialMedia #Sports #Success #training #Transgender #Transphobia #transphobic #Travel #Video #winnipeg #Work #wpgpoli #Youtube