Financialburden

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Impulsecontrol #Financialstress #Financialburden

I have BPD and I have been in therapy for 5 years now. I think I’m getting a better handle on my emotions, not going to lie there are better days than others. Right now, what is causing me to feel so much guild, shame, and disgust in myself is my inability to stop spending money on sh*t I don’t really need. My therapist wants me to start tracking my spending and identifying why I bought it and what describe my feelings. I have gotten myself out of debt and now I am back in it. The worst part is that I am supposed to be saving money for a down payment on a house that we want to buy next summer. I can save the money but then I don’t have enough money left over after I pay off monthly bills. The crazy part is that I have lots of money left over but I always shop, shop, and shop as if I have a damn money tree in my yard. I am so tired of feeling this way and I have never really sat down and analyzed all these emotions that I am feeling. I feel like an addict, trying to stay clean, except my addiction is spending money. I want to stop this behavior. I want to stop sabotaging myself. I feel more comfortable feeling like a failure so that when I am succeeding, its foreign. So, I go back to what does feel normal, failure, total failure. The other worst part is that my husband is used to me being this way and isn’t disappointed anymore. I don’t know what’s worse, disappointing someone or not disappointing them anymore?!? I told therapist that I just don’t know what to do. For once, I am not trying to avoid answering a question, I really don’t know what to do. I have starting tracking my spending. We’ll see how that works. But, I wanted to just put this out there. Hoping that maybe someone can relate. Hope someone has some advice or at least an “your not alone.” Sorry for the long post.

I need prayers if u believe in them.

I have several Health Issues, been off work for a while, in that time my bank acct became negative, I've had people say they would help me, only to be turned away, blocked, lied to, big time negative, -666, there is no light at the end of the tunnel, see the Surgeon tomorrow, for my Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, not sure if she'll send me back to work or not, as I'm a Cashier, so, at a loss atm.

Thank u all for being here for me.

I'm friendless, unloved, etc.

#Friendlessness
#unloved
#struggling
#Financialstress
#Financialburden

This morning I woke up in a good mood and did some chores. Then I took a nap and was awoken by a lady on the phone who wanted payment for my therapy at the office I go to. I had no idea that anything was on my account, but I knew it was possible. I was disoriented because she called me when I was in a dead sleep and told me I owed $ 400 + dollars. I paid half with money I needed for another bill coming up, and told her I'd pay the rest of the balance next month. That was satisfactory to her. I said all of that to tell you that this little incident sparked terrible depression just like that. I even got up and tried to do something, but I felt like I couldn't even stand up. Now I'm very sad. We are having financial problems due to covid. I'm trying to get on disability, but things just are the way they are. Does anyone else snap into a depression really quickly? ##Financialburden ##major depression

There should be an agency that can become your Power of Attorney and take over your responsibilities or freeze them. It’s likely in a recovering state that you have to take time to recover and be unemployed or sabbatical. Repeated confrontation with creditors, IRS, Bills can be a constant reminder of how terrible the situations is. Having an agency that can take control and give you time to properly recover will get you back to a normal state and begin to work and care for yourself quicker. If you don’t have the proper support in place, ongoing barrage of penalties from govt and financial institutions may be the cause that push someone to death. #Financialburden #Creditcards #Irs

We all know the struggle of the cost of seeing a professional. Not only the cost of seeing them but the cost of medication and hassle with the insurance companies of why the dosage and amount is needed.

After paying $40 for months for one medication, I was terrified for the cost of a higher dosage and double the amount of taking it a day.

Instead I walked out paying $10 at a different pharmacy with no hassle. I am honestly in shock but so grateful. #medications #Anxiety #Financialburden