iamenough

Recognizing I am enough is my goal this year. I am enough with all my flaws and strengths. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Hope everyone today recognizes they are enough. Just cause you are human. You weren’t created by accident.

I wanted to share a conversation that happened during my recent depressive episode that I wrote about...

In the depth of my darkness
I stood
Broken.
I stood
Arms full with all my pieces
That fell off during
My descent.
I barely stood
My heart yearning with such
A piercing need.
My skin feeling one layer
Deep.

I quietly ask,
“Am I enough?”

You, unwavering,
Replied,
“No.”

Feeing like I am not enough is something that I have struggled with for most of my life. It started with school when I was very young. I always got good grades and would be applauded at school, but at home I would be told that it was never good enough. Doing your best and being the best at school yet being always told that you could have done better is a message I internalized to mean that I was not good enough. How could I be?

As I have gone through life this feeling has followed me through work and relationships where I give everything but often feel that what I give and do is not enough 😔

The conversation above was with my Dad in May this year. At my lowest point in my depressive episode I thought that if I could get validation from my only surviving parent, that I could have something to cling to. Some hope to quiet the lies of depression.

Thinking back, I am surprised that this conversation did not break me further. I guess that is a testament to my strength.

I was able to journal about it recently and wrote that the lesson from that encounter is that you cannot look to those outside yourself for worth. That self worth must come from yourself.

Yet Mighties, if you are able to hear it from me know that:

You, in all your gloriousness, are enough 🌷
That what you do, even on the days that it doesn’t feel like much, is enough 💕
That what you give is enough 🦋

Physically - I need to push myself a past being in bed

Mentally - I need to be aware of where I am on my Hypomania and ask my family for understanding.

Emotionally - I need to remember that I’m supposed to be here, I’m not a mistake and I’m enough without being too much
#MixedBipolarDisorder #BipolarDisorder #Selfacceptance
#GetOutOfMyBed #selfaware #iamenough #IAmNotTooMuch

#52SmallThings