imhere

I need to start writing here when I'm having good days, not just bad ones
I have experienced so much abandonment this year, after my stay in the mental hospital, it feels traumatic.
I was FINALLY HAPPY BEING THERE... I felt ME. like they got me. Knew me. I had answers... now I feel guilt for feeling that... my husband expresses pain and hurt about that( a year ago I was there). I feel like I cant be me.
I feel worthless. Taking up valuable air that someone else better could be breathing. No purpose. .. . Waist of space.
I was PRETENDING for years.... " WHY CANT YOU BE THE HAPPY YOU BEFORE PONOKA" "they made you this way" .... "you were happy and healthy before panok, now you're depressed all the time, " " maybe you're the reason why no one is your friend anymore"....
Now I question. Im I making this up in my head?? Am I just feeding the evil in me??? Am I just being lazy?? Why could I do all these things before and now the things that once brought me joy 2 years ago bring me pain, exhauste me, give me anxiety and panic attacks????
#PanicAttacks #AnorexiaNervosa #mother #wife #Hereiam #whoami #willthisend #covid2021 #Bulimia #alone #imhere

Hey My mightiest, I just wanted to share that a year ago today, I was at a Low point in my life and I attempted suicide. I felt my head above water...and I couldn't breathe #MySelfharming was getting bad and I felt I was #Relapsing into my #Depression #Codependency . Luckily, I had a sjpport network from my (then Therapist) #RachealDorty she saved my life and my son. That night in the hospital changed my life. I've been through so much and I have been resilient ever since ❤ I just want to help others in need and #spreadawareness about #MentalHealth and support each other and create that #safeplacecommunity . I never imagined I would be Here #alive and I have a beautiful 6 year son that has taught me and is still teaching about life as we experience this journey together. #mom #MyOsiris I love all of you and thank you for letting me #sharemystory ❤💪🏾🔥🙌🏾🙏🏾👊🏾👊🏾

I was really looking forward to this morning, got a few things on YouTube I've saved all week to watch, coffee, heating on, partner still in bed so some alone time and my cat:) well it's completely gone to shit the weather's crap I've hardly slept and when I did sleep I had terrible nightmares! I could feel myself slumping! so I decided to pick up the phone to my mum and just have a normal conversation, now I'm okay and gonna try keep this morning up. Just wanted to say good morning and I'm so proud of you for surviving another day. we can do this. we are strong. we are powerful. if anyone is feeling crap today leave a comment and lets try give some positive words. #positive #imhere #Team #somedaysarebetterthanothers #notalone #keepitup #keepgoing