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it’s been a couple of rough weeks lately. This year was supposed to be my year of attending university, but i came across obstacles. firstly most universities couldn’t accept me because there was no space and other universities couldn’t accept me because i didn’t qualify enough for their courses. i felt so inadequate. So now i found a school for performing Arts. and Performing arts is really my passion. it’s what i want to study most in this world. The school is so expensive and i feel like such a burden to my parents. My mom said i shouldn’t worry about the cost , she’ll make a plan but it still doesn’t sit well with me because we’ve been worrying about it ever since. we’re all so scared. we’ve tried so many schools, i even offered to stay at home and find a job or volunteer at places so i can apply for a cheaper school next year. on top of that we’ve been arguing a lot lately. My dad doesn’t support me at all. i really don’t have a proper relationship with him. all we do is fight. i feel like such a burden. like i shouldn’t have been born. i really don’t know what to do. i could use some words of encouragement and hope. i’m really praying for a breakthrough 😔 #Anxiety #anxious #Worried #worry #Burden #Nohope #worthless #School #Fear #Inadequate #scared #Hope #encouragement #light #toughfewdays #depressed #Depression


What im currently feeling #Depression #Anxiety

I am dealing with one of the biggest battles of my depression and anxiety I have had yet. I feel like im falling and drowning within my own head and i feel like im taking everyone around down with me. I feel like everything i do is wrong and that i am failing at even the simplest of things because i am stuck in my own head, my anger, guilt. I feel broken. I feel ive completely failed my wife and am failing in my marriage. I want to give up #Inadequate #Insecure #whatswrongwithme #Drowning #failing #Falling #help #Demons


#useless #Inadequate #Depression Wish I could do more

The last few days have been really rough. I have been dealing with kidney stones, and trying to work out the details on my divorce so that my kids are taken care of. Today my best friend/girlfriend had her own rough time with her brother being away and having physical and medical issues and her not being able to take care of them. She loves her brother sooo much and misses him more than I will ever be able to comprehend. All I could do was be there as a shoulder for her to cry on. I wanted to do so much more for her but I can’t, there is nothing I can do other than let her cry and let her know that I love her. I wish there was more I could do but there isn’t and it makes me feel horrible. I just want to ease her pain and suffering. I love you babe and hope you know I will always be here when you need me. #WishIcoulddomore

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Inadequate #Ableism #Inadequate #Coworkers #tryingtobepositive

That moment when you’re a spoonie and you overhear another coworker bragging that no matter how sick she is she toughs it out... sometimes my autoimmune issues make me feel so inadequate


Second Baby ... Terrified #Parenting #Anxiety #Depression #overwhelmed #Inadequate

My wife is scheduled to be induced with our second child early tomorrow morning. I’ve been preparing myself for this since she told me we were expecting, and this is our second child, but as excited as I am I am also full of dread.

Some of my anxiety stems from how difficult raising our son has been for me. He turned 3 in February and has all the “energy” and complexity I was expecting in a toddler (and then some ... and then some more). I’m concerned we have developed some really bad habits (super late bed times, little or no personal time for ourselves, etc.). Essentially, he rules the roost. I’m concerned with what this transition is going to put him (and us) through.

On top of that, I’ve been overwhelmed and stressed with our marriage, increasingly since our son was born. My wife insisted on staying home with him from the start, essentially cutting our income nearly in half with a mortgage, car payment, a few student loans, and several pets. We’ve been very fortunate to make it work for the time being, but aren’t able to mark a lot of progress on our home repairs, or big goals that require money.

I also feel like I end up doing more than “my share” of housework and chores, since my wife essentially spends her days following our 3-year old around and keeping him happy and having fun. Secretly I wish she would let him spend more time entertaining himself and free time up for some of these tasks and for herself. To put it in perspective, we literally see 2-3 movies a year in the theater, where we used to go almost weekly. We cannot watch anything on TV, streaming, etc. without our son throwing a fit (which has had some surprise benefits actually, but is still ridiculous). Basically, I feel like we as a couple are smothering ourselves and I individually feel lost, detached, robotic, and starved of almost everything that I enjoy about life.

I have struggled increasingly with depression since the second or third year of our marriage (now approaching ten years), and often think about dying. I wouldn’t say I “contemplate suicide” regularly, but I am growing increasingly worn out with my life and feel useless and powerless. I don’t know who I am anymore. The main thought that keeps me going is realizing that my wife and child(ren) depend on me.

Now, we are adding a second child to the mix. I was hesitant for a while to have a second, but after a lot of thought and discussion, my wife and I decided we could do it. Of course the past seven or eight months (since I found out) has given me plenty of time to imagine every possible scenario and experience the full range of emotion. Now that the moment has arrived, I am feeling as if the world is ending, definitely more anxious than I was with our first.

Anyway, thanks for letting me spill my thoughts. Any positive encouragement is greatly appreciated. Hopefully we come through with a healthy baby who we can manage relatively easily and our family will grow stronger.


Feeling Some Sort of Way #Anxiety #Depression #Inadequate

I work. A lot. Too much. And Easter weekend has proven no different. The bad part is, with a 19 y/o possibly venturing out on her own soon and a 17 y/o son joining the military next month, I should have planned Easter better. It's probably the last one we'll all be under the same roof together. No church. No spring outfits and pics. No Easter baskets were made. And I only fixed a quick, simple-but-good meal. I did buy a pie, so hopefully that helped. I feel awful for lapse in scheduling and planning. But now I must try and rest to go back into work tonight. 45 hours is my regular workweek and I've added 24 to it this weekend. I have to stop doing this. My fear of financial distress runs too deep.