I don't know # Anxiety #PTSD "Agoraphobic.
Fear! This stupid fear of everything. I hate it. It comes and goes but lasts longer than I would like. I feel trapped, I feel lost, I feel like I can't be a good mom
I can't even make it to a Doctor's appointment today. I've been kicked out of so many practices for being a no show
Society is such that I can't just call and be like um I'm sorry I'm having major anxiety today and driving there will ensure a panic attack so I need to reschedule. I'm a terrible liar so I'm forced to tell the truth because of my anxiety. So I just stay silent. I stay home. And then the embarrassment and frustration turns to depression. I'm SO sick of living like this.
I keep trying and trying. As a single parent I have no choice. But with Medicaid insurance I have no help. I know that in a few days these feelings will pass. I just want to have some semblance of a regular life. Like the one I kinda had. Before all the bad stuff happened that my brain loves to hold on to weather I want to or not. Am I making any sense? Probably not. I sound like a victim. I sound like a negative drama queen. Something....idk. I feel hopeless.