Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder

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Bipolar: My Story #BipolarDisorder

Many people have had their opinions on my mental illnesses. Match making their assumptions to certain things I’ve done in the past, my behaviours and actions, my persona, my decision making and the obsession to listen to the whispers from those claiming that they have the exclusive story on my life, match making rumours to form their easy answer. From this basis they feel that they have the right to become judge, jury and executioner. The complexity and depth of knowledge an individual requires to be such, arguably still hasn’t been reached.

The medication used for Bipolar and Schizophrenia has are reported to shorten the life expectancy of the individual by 9-20years and 10-20 years respectively. More than smoking 40 cigarettes a day. So If you’re going to the effort of being interested and intrigued with a person and their circumstance, maybe save yourself sometime and get the full picture by actually asking the person. Moreover, how it is known when you are going to die, questions the validity of the claim by the so called health professionals.

I’m the first to admit that in the past I abused drink and drugs (cocaine) to cope. People put my consumption down to the cause of my mental illness. Bipolar Disorder is not caused by drug abuse. Substance abuse unfortunately goes hand in hand with Bipolar Disorder. An instant escape. The fact cocaine was used as an antidepressant not to long ago shows it has some positive effects. People say that I will have the come down and it’s dangerous. They never step back to realise the medication that I take daily is working on the same principle. That I have to feed my addiction so to speak. I’m a legal drug addict. If I didn’t have my daily dose, not only would it be the bipolar but also the withdrawal from antidepressants and antipsychotics or anticonvulsants.

The stark reality is that it’s far from romantic or desirable to be living with a mental illness. Everything that I was doing was a response to the pain and suffering I was going through. My responses may not have been the most productive or proactive nor positive but I have since learnt from them. My purpose on this Earth is not to make you understand my journey, I’m here to be on that journey.

But some people are always happy to give their understanding and not so keen on hearing mine. People who don’t really know me or haven’t seen me for a while, comment when they find out I have bipolar disorder, that they would have never known. I often wonder why that is? Do you have to act a certain way in front of people? Are you supposed to strip naked and climb up a building then hide in your bedroom for 3 days? Do these people understand that people with illnesses are given medication? Bipolar Disorder sufferers are no different.

My full account is attached below 👇🏼


Red the full stormedication will possibly

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I do and say impulsive shit and I end up hurting the people I care about. Im always embarrassed when I do or say things because I’m not thinking clearly. It’s embarrassing and I can see that I hurt then. I constantly feel like a nuisance and a burden because when I try to talk to anyone about it they don’t see the big deal. Then they go about their business after finding they don’t understand. That’s the lucky part. Either that or I end up losing them all together. Im sick of feeling this way and the trial and error process with these meds aren’t helping. I just want this to all go away. #BipolarDepression #RapidCyclingBipolarDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder

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Quetiapine: The Missing Piece of the Puzzle? 🧩 #Quetiapine #Mirtazapine #Depakote

Today, after an appointment with my GP, it’s been agreed that I start Quetiapine along with the Depakote and Mirtazapine I am currently taking.

Hopefully it will be the missing piece to the puzzle regarding the controlling the severity of the bipolar swings. The Mirtazapine I’m on already is an antidepressant that obviously gives you a lift. With bipolar however, that alone exaggerates the episodes of bipolar you have m, so you introduce a mood stabiliser to put the brakes on, which for me is the Depakote. By slowing down the GABA receptors this makes the episodes less intense. Finally, you then get to the point where when you are in a manic phase, you need a sedative to bring you back down. As your brain is going slower due to the mood stabiliser, this can cause agitation and irritability, poor sleep etc. This is where the introduction of Quetiapine will come in to play by restricting the levels of mania you reach.

This is my understanding of the problem anyway. I hope I’m right
#RapidCyclingBipolarDisorder #Depakote #Mirtazapine #Quetiapine

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Sharing my Mood Diary 📔 #RapidCyclingBipolarDisorder

I’m currently writing on my blog, my entries in to my mood diary from each month of last year, with the hope that it might be of interest to somebody somewhere or even, possibly, seen by a health professional, be it a Doctor or Psychiatrist, and it is simply acknowledged to give them an insight.

I’m aware that on here we are advised not to post anything that could possibly incite a negative reaction. My account is no-holds barred and to the point, so I wouldn’t post it on here as it would get taken down.

I’m just wondering if anyone has any thoughts about it? Would it be positive for others to read? Is there any platform that looks at this sort of thing that you could recommend for me to submit it to?



#BipolarAwareness #Sharingmystory #mooddiary #Mentalillnessfeelslike

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Colouring Books 📚 🖍🎨 #BipolarDisorder #RapidCyclingBipolarDisorder #Therapy

On Monday I visited my Godchildren and my goddaughter showed me her colouring in that she had done in her colouring book. For a 5 year old, it was absolutely brilliant. I’m not just saying that either and being biased. It was faultless.

She has a book of Unicorns which she colours. Each page is a completely different picture with a variety of sections to colour so that you can make it as vibrant as you wish or a spectrum of shades and tone of just one colour. The choice is yours.

She asked if I wanted to help her and colour a bit in too. Of course I did. I was really enjoying myself until she stopped me in my tracks and said I need to get my own colouring book and practice 😂🤦🏻‍♂️

So that’s exactly what I have done. It arrived on Wednesday and I’ve just finished my first picture now. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed it and found it really therapeutic. I hope you like my ‘Dia de los Muertos’ skull 💀 #colouring #DistractMe

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Rapid Cycle Bipolar & Champix #stoppingsmoking #Medication

My psychiatrist and GP both urged me to quit the cigarettes 🚬. The tar from the cigarettes is metabolised through the liver and as I’m on Depakote which is also metabolised by the liver, the process of metabolism of the Depakote is slowed down and can lead to Depakote toxicity and possibly liver disease.

I had quite a thorough discussion with my GP and the Stop Smoking Team from the NHS before I got my prescription today. I’m guessing that due to the fact that I was assessed so thoroughly and that I was not in a poor frame of mind, they were prescribed.

Does anyone have any experiences with these?

#Quitsmoking #Varenicline #Depakote #RapidCyclingBipolarDisorder

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Discharged from Psychiatric Care #Bipolar #RapidCyclingBipolarDisorder #Psychiatrists

Today I had my appointment with the psychiatrist. She said that she was happy with my mental status and that I wasn’t a danger to myself or others. She was happy to discharge me from the mental health care team, the START team, and herself. I have to continue to see my G.P. regularly and continue with the blood tests and my medication is to continue as it is. If I have any relapses then I’ll be referred again.

My frustration with this is that I am dosed up on Depakote and my mental illness is shrouded by a chemical haze. How can she get a picture of myself when I am just medicated up to the eyeballs? It seems like they have found the dosage necessary to make me functional and that is that.

I’m perplexed 😕
#bipolartreatment #RapidCyclingBipolarDisorder #Depakote #sodiumvalporate

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Questions for My Psychiatrist #BipolarDepression #Bipolar1Disorder #RapidCyclingBipolarDisorder #Psychiatrists

I have my appointment with my psychiatrist on 1st March and I have a few questions. Can any of you fellow Mighty members advise me on what I am proposing to ask

1. What are the long term effects of Depakote?

2. Is there any validity to the claim that antipsychotic and anticonvulsant medication is potentially taking between 9-20 years off the life expectancy of people who suffer from Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia? This is more severe than smoking 40 cigarettes a day

3. What is the reasoning behind the fact I was placed in the highly vulnerable group for the priority of administrating the Covid vaccine due to having SMI?

4. Is there a plan in place for my treatment or am I going to be sedated for the foreseeable future with a drug that slows down my brain synapses? Is there any improvement being made in the sense that my Bipolar Disorder is being rectified or is it still there? Still as serious as it always was, just hidden by the remedy and not being cured?

5. My blood tests so far have been absolutely spot on. My GP is very happy with them. I’ve not though had any further questions asked regarding my mental illness. Do you not think it would be proactive to engage with patients and get a better understanding of what they are going through so that more insight can be made? It seems to me like the desire to get to the bottom of mental illnesses is stagnant and no real attention is being given to understand what it means for people. There’s a golden opportunity to gather a wide range of experiences that could possibly benefit future generations.

#MentalHealth #BipolarDisorder #Depakote #Depression #PsychiatristQuestions

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When a menial tasks makes you realize how far you have come

Seems a little silly maybe but today I was home alone vacuuming the floor with headphones on and I stopped for a second in awe of what was happening , less then 3years ago I couldn't even vacuum the house without my husband home because it made me super hyper vigilant which caused flash backs ..today I grabbed the vacuum and decided I wanted to listen to music without a second thought only to realize I have never done this in my life. 💪 When you realize the incredibly awful and empowering 3 years you went through working your ass off trying to change your life paid off 🤘 but... the last 3 years have been crazy intense (INTENSE!!) because I finally had enough and dove to the bottom of my hell and swam my way out ( somehow without drowning!) One super intense moment after another, it was hard AF and if it wasn't for the incredible people in my life I would have never survived it but I'm telling you it's possible to live a better life, I still have ptsd and bipolar and GAD but I'm in control now and they are no longer me. I hope this inspires you ❤️, ✌️&🤘 #YouGotThis #CPTSD #PTSD #MentalHealth #mentalsteath 👊#RapidCyclingBipolarDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #GAD #TraumaSurvivors