I woke up yesterday feeling good after having slept well, something that doesn’t happen often. Then I received a message and subsequent phone call from my doctor regarding the ultrasound I had had done Thursday… and I was floored.
I am 37 years old and I likely will have to have a radical hysterectomy. Uterus and ovaries removed surgically. Menopause at 37… possible hormone replacement therapy but probably not. Mood swings ontop of my already unstable bipolar moods. Not to mention 6-8 weeks of unpaid time off my work.
At first it didn’t bother me at all. Well, you do what you need to do of course and it beats being in severe pain. But to know I can never have any more children (my husband and I were holding out hope for one in vitro), to feel like less of a woman… I don’t know if I’m ready for that or if I’ve even begun to process that idea.
The more I say it doesn’t bother me the more it comes to the forefront of my mind. I’ve been journaling and talking to my husband (who assured me that he will not see me any differently) and yet I still found myself crying yesterday over this. Not long, just a few tears but it’s like either I don’t think about it at all or it’s all I can think about.
I have a follow up with my OBGYN on Monday to go over what my options are. Hoping for some support from here and maybe someone young like me who has had a hysterectomy. How did you process it? What did you feel? How did you respond to the loss?
I honestly don’t know what I feel or how to feel.