suidicalthoughts

Just had my 40th birthday. Feeling really overwhelmed and miserable not due to my age, but it’s another year in the books that I’ve been sick. I’m struggling with #Gastroparesis flare ups, struggling with pain and misery so much so that I have suicidal thoughts at times. I’ve not been sleeping well which certainly makes things worse. This is really just my first post. Middle of the night and I am in pain. Just reaching out. #suidicalthoughts #GastroparesisFlare #ChronicPain

#Depression #suidicalthoughts #

I love my family and support system, but they aren’t always the most supportive. I try to keep in mind that they will never fully understand what I am going through and they try their best. But often I’ll get comments like “everyone is sad/anxious”, “its not your turn to be sad”, “i’ve had a hard day too and no one asks me about my feelings”. I try to be as supportive as I can towarda others as well, but sometimes it feels like what I am going through is an inconvenience to others. It puts me down and puts me in a position where I no longer want to share and reach out for help. Has anyone had similar situations? Any advice on how to handle it? I know mental health is not something I should do alone. #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #BipolarDepression #suidicalthoughts

literally so depressed I feel sick. this feeling is so heavy and tiring. feels like I'm holding up a boulder. cant deal with this. and no one helps. just so done waking up everyday to the same shit.

I'm finally at a place where my body image isnt horrible. I've been working to get here for about a year and a half. and I'm at a place where it bothers me a little but it doesnt make me restrict!!! I've been eating consistently for over a month and havent restricted once!!! a few weeks ago I felt hope for the first time. that i might actually recover. and today I actually referred to my ed as something in the past!!! Also, my PTSD isnt acting up as bad. and thoughts of self harm and suicide are still there... but I'm able to fight through them as well! I'm so thankful for God giving me the strength to get here. I never thought I'd make it here. and I also thank my friends and mom who have supported and encouraged me through this. #ED #Avoidant /RestrictiveFoodIntakeDisorder #ARFID #Anoxia #AnorexiaNervosa #AtypicalAnorexia #Recovery #GodInTheMidstOfSuffering #Support #SupportGroups #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #PTSD #CPTSD #PosttraumaticStressDisiroder #Selfharm #Selfinjury #Suicide #suidicalthoughts

I’m not suicidal, it’s just that I’m done. I can’t keep trying and holding out hope. It feels like everyone hates me, I keep trying to begin conversations with friends no reply it just feels like I’m just bothering them, at work customers belittle me and verbally abuse me, I cut ties from my very toxic family, my doctor is putting me through absolute hell with my meds that just make me feel worse, I found out I may never be able to have children or if I did I’d most likely miscarry believe me if I did miscarry I would kill myself I couldn’t take it, Also I may have to undergo chemotherapy for my sickle cell anemia. So I can’t keep trying, I don’t wish to die, I just want to give up and stop trying so hard. If anything that would feel like me stabbing my heart repeatedly. I’m sorry for the depressing post. I just need some support, I’m in a dark & gloomy place. #Depression #BipolarDisorder #suidicalthoughts #SuicidePrevention #imsorry

Should I leave or stay. I don’t know anymore. My best friend thinks it her fault that I’m anger or upset. It’s not her it’s me, Idk if my mom or dad even bother with my emotions now. I think they love me, but they are too busy to their own thing. So am I, but I want to spend time with them. But my emotions are making me crazy and I feel like leaving this world. I am always sad and people question it and I can’t answer it. I get too work up and start to cry or yell. So I don’t bother tell anyone anymore. People they will question my sad or anger and emotions. If I can’t answer or say I don’t know, they will say oh then you are not sad then. BUT HEY IM SAD BUT I DONT KNOW WHY, sometimes you don’t question the person about their sadness’s or emotions. You just
comfort in them and love them. But NOO they don’t do that. My best friend does it. She says ‘ y are you sad’ and I say ‘idk’. She says ‘you have be sad because of something’. Like now I feel like leave everyone and wish them well for their better future.
I feel like dieing and crying.
I wish they understand.
U guys do understand, you guys are the only ones that understand my pain. Because most you guys been there and thank you for that. I will support you guys too 😭😁.

So, it’s #2019 and I feel... nothing. It’s just Tuesday. I’m still dealing with the aftermath of late December 2018 (jobless after finally moving out of parents house). Trying very hard not to feel #hopeless or give in to #suidicalthoughts but it’s hard. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

#Holdingon #Depression #Depersonalization #NewYear

Has anyone tried these for #Anxiety , #Depression , #PTSD , #suidicalthoughts , #Insomnia , #MentalHealth . If so, what were your experiences? My #BPD highs and lows keep me from any hope of sleep. I’m desperate and I’ve run out of mainstream medical options (ie: drugs). No funds for Acupunture or any other alternatives. I have some things I can sell to afford a weighted blanket but wanted to know if anyone here has given them a go.