So I did it.
I woke up, got out of bed and spoke my truth.
So many years of silence, of memory repression.
They truly end here!
I found the second interview less traumatic than the first, knowing we had an interview plan allowed me to focus only on those memories.
This is something I wouldn't have been able to do a few years ago.
I came back from the interview and had a nap, I never nap but talking about that kind of early childhood trauma first thing in the morning totally wiped my energy for the day.. no fibro spoons left today!
I know I should make a proper dinner... But today that seems too much.
I've noticed that it Massively effects my appetite, every time I speak to the police about what happened to me as a child it temporarily fluxes my now mostly latent anoxia.
I'm good at self caring and spotting my triggers now days.
So even if I don't make a proper dinner, I will eat something! (Don't know if I'm telling that to the mighty or myself lol)
I'm So, So proud of myself!
The process of reporting childhood ritualistic abuse is the hardest task I have ever undertaken!
The other day a young person used a quote that my departed mother used to say, that applies here.
"Life/God doesn't give you any challenges that you can't handle!"
I believe that.
I know not many could live through what I did and come through it Kind Hearted..
But I am Kind.
I know that not many people could get 8 years of repressed childhood memory back without therapy.
Well with the help of a psychology G.C.S.E and the strength of a Warrior I did!
I know that most people need medication to deal with the symptoms I live through every day.
I found for me medication stops me being able to write and process my trauma. So over the years I've learned how to manage the symptoms of my trauma with just the occasional vallium.
I know not many of us Survivors manage to find the strength to come forward and report the horrific things we endured.
Oh and that deathly silence that trapped my soul was a place I lived in for so, so, so long,, I thought I'd be there forever.
I feel a sense of freedom now the truth is finally being spoken!
I know I'm unique in my processing ability and emotional intelligence (my now therapist has told me so at every session)
But I truly feel my trauma and life made me this way, so I could get my memories back and be the one to take them down!
expose their vile rings and the 'big boys' they cover up for.
This will not continue.
I Will Not Be Silenced!
Today I stand in my Power,
No longer voiceless!
#PTSD #CPTSD #Depression #BipolarDepression #significant childhood trauma #ChildhoodAbuse #coping #Survivor #warrior #CheckInWithMe #Upallnight #Anoxia