thissucks

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Honestly, what the FUCK! I CAN’T FUCKING WORK! What is it that they can’t seem to understand?! My anxiety is a disability, damn it!!!

It’s been 3 FUCKING TIMES ALREADY, 2 FUCKING APPEALS, and I POORED ALL OF MY FUCKING HEART OUT ABOUT WHY I CANNOT FUCKING WORK, THE EMOTIONAL TRAUMA, THE EPISODES OF DEPRESSION, THE FUCKING HYGIENE ISSUES, MY SEVERE SOCIAL GENDER DYSPHORIA AS A NON-BINARY INDIVIDUAL AND AVOIDING MOST SOCIAL SITUATIONS OUT OF THE PURE FEAR OF BEING MISGENDERED, HATE BEING UNDER PRESSURE, HAVING MANY TRIGGERS! I was receiving payment for 3 fucking months, and NOW they’ve decided that my FUCKING STRUGGLES AREN’T ENOUGH?!?!

Honestly fuck everything. I feel like I’ll just never be truly seen by this US government. I’ve only just wasted my fucking time with them, and so really don’t feel like HAVING TO EXPLAIN TO THEM FOR THE 50TH TIME THAT I’M NOT MY BIRTH GENDER AND I AM NOT A BINARY GENDER!

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #MYANXIETYISADISABILITY #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #FeelingIgnored #thissucks #Trauma #angry #disappointment #LGBTQ #Loneliness #sad #Vent #venting

A couple years ago I was diagnosed with Cyclothymia. - Borderline Bipolar. Not considered Bipolar because I always had #stability and worked extra hard because I was a single mom. Up until last year I left my job of 5 years for More money. My life went downhill after that. The day I after I put my 2 week notice in I caught long term Covid and almost died. Lost my vision couldn’t walk or take. Some how I recovered. As soon as I did my kids moved out. I went into a deep depression and lost my job. My kids haven’t spoken to me since they left with a father that was gone the last 6 years. It affected my performance so I was let go after 6 months. And this week a tornado hit my storage and I lost everything. I spent the whole day yesterday in bed crying. I some home had managed to not turn to drugs and alcohol. Trying to cope and feel this but it’s getting out of hand. I go to the gym every day. Just reaching out for kind words and help really. What are some positive ways you guys and girls handle stress. What books have you read that helped better understand what your going through. #struggles #Bipolar #Cyclothymia #basicallybipolar #thinline #help #thissucks

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I swear, my older sister just doesn’t seem to freaking understand how hard it is for me to let things go and tell apart different tones. She says that she does, but every time she always seem to get defensive about it. Every time I try to bring up about the current situation that is bothering me, she’s already in some sort of negative tone saying “it’s okay, just let it go.”

And whenever I try to bring up something that may be triggering, she always says that she doesn’t mean any harm. And when it comes to her, at this point I don’t care, I still don’t want to hear that trigger. And it freaking frustrates me for just not giving me a straight answer and instead being defensive like this.

What’s worse is that she even deals with one of her kids having autism and ADHD. So you’d think she’s understand more, right? And she says that she does, but this crap is just not sitting right with me. 😒

I already deal with a lot a crap right now. I just dealt with an appeal for why I can’t get a job right now (although I hate my autism being called a disability/disorder), I hate being misgendered as a woman or seen as just a man (I’m nonbinary), I have social anxiety, I cry easily, I dealt with trauma my since middle school and from my mom being mentally abusive (she no longer is anymore, luckily), I’m a perfectionist towards myself for, it’s just a lot. I’m just trying to stand up for myself the best I can, and anytime I do and it seems to backfire or not going anywhere, it feels like a crime for being autistic… 😢

#Autism #SocialAnxiety #thissucks #misunderstood #why #PleaseStopThis #IWantToMoveOutOfHereAlready #StopMisconceptions

.
.
.
.
.
It’s the only reason I always eat out to the same places that at least know me over and over again. Otherwise it’s just “okay ma’am” “yes, miss?” Or “okay ladies” when I’m with my mom and/or sister. It’s so annoying and invalidating!! I can’t even order food to here because I’m usually not in my androgynous clothes or binder, and I still feel very insecure if my chest is still obvious even with my binder. So that means that if I ever do, I would literally have to dress too masculine for my tastes just to go outside and pick my food up from the delivery individual. For like a 5-10 second period!! That makes no sense!!

But I refuse to be seen as a woman who lives here. That’s not happening. No way. It’s either a man or nonbinary, and even though I’m really nonbinary transmasc, it just going to seem to work dressing too masculine for my tastes. Social dysphoria’s that bad. This state sucks. Well, society sucks in general.

#GenderDysphoria #thissucks #sad #SocialAnxiety #LGBTQIA

Anyone have their mh symptoms significantly increase during your time of the month? #thissucks #female issues. #feellikedeath

I can’t stop getting anxious right now and its not about something specifically it just started randomly and I dont feel okay at all. Maybe cause I recently decided Im going to move finally?

My heart won’t stop racing either and I need to start cleaning my room but i’ve been laying here trying to relax. #thissucks

So a normal day for me is waking up (in pain) and then basically arguing with myself on whether or not I’m in enough pain to warrant pain meds. You see I’m also a recovering addict. I have been clean for a while now. Years in fact. My pain management doctor and I are very open about it and he is also in fact my medical marijuana doctor. I work as a hearing specialist and I can’t really smoke a bunch of weed and go to work and be amazing. Some days I let myself suffer and suffer before I’ll take a tramadol. I mean it’s tramadol for heavens sake. Not OxyContin. Why do I have to let myself suffer because I am in recovery from addiction?? I know what I’ll never be in recovery from.... this pain. Between the advanced arthritis, dengenerative disc disease, a slew of other super exiting shit and the beloved fibromyalgia I don’t know how long I can continue to be a hero for !!! So the morning battle of do I or don’t I has begun. #painmanagementforaddicts #Fibromyalgia #ChronicPain #thissucks

Does anyone else have SUPER BAD PAIN with their teeth and jaw after they get a cleaning and X-Rays? I used to LOVE going to the dentist when I was a kid, and now I wish I never had to go. This sucks! Why! 😢😢😢😢😢 #Fibromyaliga #thissucks

Like for many others, this year has been extremely difficult on my depression. I struggled with an intense depressive episode for several months and finally sought out medical and mental help.
August and September I was feeling a little better (mentally) but still not my regular self. October I decided to try start taking CBD to treat my anxiety and had great results.
Around that same time I also started taking a different antidepressant and things seemed to be falling into place for me which was encouraging. Halfway through October I began experiencing itchy hive flares on random pets of my body so I stopped taking the antidepressant, assuming that was the cause.
It wasn’t.
I have had itchy hives outbreaks almost every day since October. I went to see an allergist two weeks ago who ordered a bunch of blood tests. Today was my follow up and nothing unusual showed in the tests. He suggested I abstain from consuming cannabis (legal here) for at least three days to rule that out as a trigger.
Every evening I take both CBD and regular cannabis to relax and have not only felt better mentally and emotionally, but also really enjoy it. Aside from the hives, I haven’t felt this good in years. The thought of potentially not being able to partake in something that helps me feel better and that I enjoy is really negatively affecting me.
Tonight is the first night I haven’t had any and I am so sad. I can feel myself slipping into that familiar darkness from earlier this year. Part of me is willing to put up with the hives just to be able to make my brain feel better.
This is gonna be a long few days... 😞 #Depression #Cannabis #Hives #MedicalMystery #thissucks

Do you ever just take a shower as hot as it can possibly get and wait for everything to wash away… The pain, the sorrow, the hurt, being Used... just all of it. #Shower #Pain #hurt #thissucks #howToHeal