visualhallucinations

What is this thing called hope? Yes, this is a serious question. What frame of reference do you use to explain something to someone who has never know or seen hope? We liken the situation to finding a single Waldo in a swarm of people who all look slightly like Waldo. But none ARE Waldo.

We are, at this point, 47 days into our 2 new Antidepressants, 21 days into our Antipsychotic and no change other than we sleep an added 1 to 2 hours a night. We are grateful for that. Our meds are increased every 2 weeks. I, since none of the other want to attend at this time, do video chat with at least 3 Doctors every week. The all tell me that hope will help us in this wait and see pattern we currently find ourselves stuck within.

We believe that everything in our universe has a counter balance. Night has Day. These are concrete, provable, repeatable facts available to establish what distinguishes Night from Day. Where "Hope" along with, it's 1st cousins the other emotions and "feeling" are all abstract concepts not grounded by facts.

What reference points does one use when trying to describe abstract concept of "hope" to one who has never seen or experienced it in their lifetime. How would you describe colours to a person who has never seen them? We have as little insight into what "hope" or any of the "emotions" are, at this point. What is this thing called "Hope" and where do we find it?

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I take my medications as prescribed by my psychiatrist. I don't smoke or drink. I eat healthy, I exercise and I volunteer. I mind my own business, I don't believe in punishing others for my insecurities. I don't allow my condition to reign over me or define me. My symptoms are intense but I still manage to keep my dignity. I am a very negative thinker but people tell me how encouraging I am to them.

I'm doing all the right things, how come I don't feel right about any of it?

I believe in keeping the peace but I never feel peaceful.

In the past 19 years I've been on 10 different medications to manage my bipolar disorder. Where is this so-called recovery everyone keeps talking about?

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