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People should not be able to just use and abuse you while taking you for granted. They often say they’re going to pay you back when you aren’t even asking for anything in return. I guess this kind of makes me feel like being alone is the ultimate resort as opposed to a beat up pillow top mattress. I’m not #narcissistic , but personalities can be terribly #colorful , #compulsive , and #Complex . Like I have a #Bigheart . When I’m at work, I feel extremely welcoming and hospitable. I also have social anxiety along with cardiomyopathy, and the best way that I’ve been coping have not been the best. I quit my #Workout routine because of how overwhelming things got. In March, I suffered a massive #PanicAttack that led to a fluid buildup in my lungs and I’ve been trying to get better since. Going #Backtowork made me feel frightened because on top of my #BPD , I often feel I’m not useful or too useful. Not everyone deserves to be taken in and showered with #hospitality . I feel like that only makes me seem #hypocritical . On top of that, I’m battling #Addiction and #Depression .

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Back to work

After four months of working from home, I went back to the office on Monday. They do have very good protocols in place, but it's still making me nervous. Suddenly, my "bubble" has opened up from two people to twenty. I'm also just not very used to being around people anymore!
I'm also feeling super exhausted. I think the need to be constantly vigilant, and always thinking about what I'm touching and how close I'm standing to people etc. etc. is hard.
I'm so, so grateful to have work, and to have even more hours than expected, but this stress and exhaustion is making me want to ask my boss to cut back (I'm already part time). But then I start worrying about my finances.
I hope this situation starts to feel a bit more normal soon, and I'm able to roll with it a bit more.

#Work #COVID19 #Backtowork #Stress #exhaustion #CheckInWithMe


Heigh-ho, heigh-ho it's off to work I go ⚒

I found out today that I'm going back to work in a little over a week and I am in a mix of pure panic and absolute calm and readiness - how does that even make sense?
I'm excited to get back into it, but anxious about changing routines again and hopeful that I can keep working on the positive changes I've made over the last two months. Let's see how well I handle my pain levels this time!
#ChronicPain #Work #backatit #anxious #Backtowork #COVID19

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Exciting new ventures!

I've been out of work since my health started to really decline in 2017. I hate it. Although I learned (and remind myself frequently) that my worth isn't measured on the money I earn or the hours I work, that doesn't mean I dont miss feeling productive and useful (not to mention bored out of my head).
In the last few months I have fallen in love with sewing and I learned that I am really good at it!!
I started off making bags and purses and similar accessories and many of my Facebook friends were urging me to start a business. But I mostly ignored them, thinking it friendly encouragement.
This week, 5 weeks post op from my stoma surgery I finally sat back at my sewing machine and the first thing I made was a stoma bag cover. Proud of my success I posted pictures both on my personal facebook and in the stoma and medical support groups I am part of. The likes and the comments started rolling in. In fact I was blown away with the response, almost a hundred likes on each post. And people kept asking me if I was selling.

So I've spent the last couple of days building a page, taking photos of all my fabric so people can choose the fabric they want (O learned I have a tone of fabric!). The orders are rolling in already. End of the day, and I am knackered. But I feel good!!!

I am going to have to be careful not to put too much workload on myself, but I think this is what I have been needing. A small business, where I can set my own hours, take breaks when needed and genuinely help people, as I know stoma bag covers and catheter bag covers and other accessories for medical stuff is important to people (so far I have commissions for a syringe roll and a stoma bag supply roll). I doubt it will ever lead to lots of profits, but it will keep me busy, give me purpose and probably really help my mental health.

Anyway, Jen Bee Bags is officially open for business. Please feel free if you have read this far to head over to my page and give it a like and and a share.

#Stoma #stomabagcovers #Backtowork #MentalHealth #happy #Urostomy #Colostomy #illeostomy #InflammatoryBowelDiseaseIBD #InterstitialCystitis



I've been feeling exceptionally blah. I go back to work on Monday after 2 months off from my mental break. I'm scared of how I'm going to handle it. I hope I do ok. Just worried.

#Bipolar #MentalHealth #Backtowork #scared


How do I cope starting a new job after being on disability for a year with a TBI and PTSD? How do you get through a full 8hr shift without loosing it?

horrible ptsd/anxiety following TBI. Scared I’ll slip up on a word or numbers or just start crying from being overwhelmed. I can’t tell my new employer about my conditions....I need this job to keep my insurance. I’m not actually ready to work but am forced back in just to keep my medical treatments going.....any advice would help. #TBISurvivor #Backtowork #Anxiety #PTSD

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A new chapter in my life.. #Backtowork #Medicationchange

After nearly ten years as a SAHM I am preparing to enter the workforce again. My youngest child has just started kindergarten, the house is empty and honestly I feel a bit empty too in this quiet house. It's hard to know which direction to look, hard to know who I am aside from a mom...

Aside from this pressure I am gradually switching my bipolar medication after discovering that it has caused kidney disease. This complicates my job search - I fear trying to get something I will be passionate about knowing I may only mess it up if my medication reduction causes mania. It looks like temp work may be best for now... my dreams will be put on hold yet again..

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Spent almost all of last week out of work due to #Flareup . First day back today was fine until I got home from work completely exhausted, despite leaving an hour earlier than usual. I hate that I just spent the last 2 hours on the couch "recuperating" and yet still don't have any energy left to enjoy the rest of my evening  #ChronicIllness  #LymeDisease #Fatigue