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    It Came Back... #Depression #MentalHealth

    I was doing very well for a while, and then one morning, the first thought that I had was, “I really don’t want to do this”. I do experience depressive episodes, sometimes I have intense periods of loneliness, other times I feel this gapping hole in my chest. Even though I feel this way from time to time, I still push myself to go about my daily activities. Some days are harder because I’m one question away from being in tears. Today, I decided to open up to my mom how I’ve been feeling. (We were out in public at the time, and I started crying out in the open.) She gave me some suggestions: to take up a hobby with other people, to get out of the house, stuff like that. And after all of that... I felt no better than I did before I opened up. I felt that I had to do it because I felt that’s what I’m “supposed to do”. I live in an environment where I have to get it out there even if it’s too hard to express. Unfortunately, after thinking things over, I only felt ashamed and frustrated. I was never good at expressing myself verbally to begin with, so getting my grievances out in the open only made me feel worse than better. I will say that in a number of situations when I felt this way, I would write it all down in my notebook or use Google Docs on my tablet whenever there was something on my mind that was bothering me. That, I will say, does help. And even though I’m suffering from a headache from crying all morning, I do feel better at this moment as I’m typing all of this out. My go-to thing was writing whenever I felt depressed, and I have no idea why I stopped. I do need to start painting again as well. I do realize that I need to take better care of myself physically, emotionally, and otherwise. Speaking of which, I need to eat something and go to bed. #Depression #DepressiveEpisodes #Emptiness #Expressfeelings #Writing #creativity

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    This photo is a descriptive representation of what my manic can look like.
    I’ve done the whole change my hair a drastic color and chop most of it off. I’ve rebelled against myself and changed things about myself based off of temporary feelings of impulse. Changing my hair color makes me fe better. Doing my makeup different gives me more confidence. Expressing myself helps my insides be able to flourish a little bit. Even if I look crazy for a week, it made me feel a little bit more me...or a bit more crazy...either way it helped me be more me. Being myself has always been a bit of a struggle because A. I wasn’t always comfortable with myself and B. I didn’t really know who I was. ( as we all don’t fully know.) it’s always been a challenge especially of being judged upon. Basically I’m at a point in life where I don’t necessarily feed into negativity of any kind, especially with my appearance. Accepting who we are on the outside is so important but yet so hard. Trying to find little things is hard when all you see is darkness sometimes. So why not add some excessive crazy colors into the madness? #Expressfeelings #expressinglove #Bewhoyouare #Color #r #MentalHealth #Bipolar #RandomThoughtsRandomMind

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    Expressing autism through art

    Had this concept in my head on how to express, but wasn’t sure of the direction until today. Always loved art since I was a child. #Autism #Expressfeelings #AutismSpectrum