feelingdefeated

Guys, I'm really struggling at the moment. Every single day of my life, I'm in pain. I've accepted it as a fact of my life. But a few weeks ago I randomly injured a muscle in my lower back that has been locked/cramped up ever since, and is pretty much crushing my sciatic nerve. I'm getting such painful burning-aching sensations CONSTANTLY. There is no reprieve.

I can't get comfy when I'm sitting, and I'm barely sleeping at night. My doctor has examined me and she's pretty sure it's my sciatic nerve that's been pinched and that I need the appointment for physio. But the earliest they could fit me in was 23rd October - 10 days away! My doctor has prescribed a course of diazepam (valium) to help ease the muscle and try and abate the muscle spasming around the nerve. Which works to an extend but I really can't do much. I can't lift anything heavy, etc.

I am truly miserable right now. And I have been for the last two weeks since the injury. It just doesn't stop... My nephew came over on Wednesday and I couldn't play with him the usual way I do - chasing him about, lifting him up and bouncing him. And he just kept coming and cuddling my leg, raised his arms at me and said; "Up!" It broke my heart when I said no. He walked off with his head hung down and his bottom lip poking out.

Since the injury, I've eaten a LOT of junk food. I just cannot stop, and I don't really care all that much. I know I'm comfort eating (I used to do this a lot in the past), and I know it's not good for me. I'm just finding it really hard to give a crap about it.

What should I do? I'm so close to tears... I need a nice long, tight hug/cuddle. It's so hard to keep going.

#POTS #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #FattyLiverDisease #NAFLD #Diabetes #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #InterstitialCystitis #ChronicPain #sciatica #BackPain #exhausted #mentallyexhausted #feelingdefeated #chronicillnesswarrior #Advice

I was finally given a diagnosis! “Chronic pain syndrome, fibromyalgia, and hyper mobility.” After all this time doing tests and scans and all sorts of things and being told everything is normal I have at least something. It sucks that it’s exciting to even have a title for everything going on. I’m really struggling with knowing this is a lifetime thing and I most likely will never NOT be in pain. Like this is it? Plus I’m on my last year of insurance from my parents then I have to figure out how to pay for treatment and meds, physical therapy, therapists. I was given referrals for a chiropractor, acupuncture, massage, chronic pain focused therapist, and an evaluation from someone who deals with rehab and functionality. Hopefully we can figure out a treatment plan and start getting me into a routine with things that actually help.

This plus depression, anxiety, BPD, PTSD, and whatever else it is at this point?? This is hard to take in already. Covid has been extremely difficult for me. Living alone is great normally but trash in the panorama. What we just don’t wear masks anymore?? I’m stressed. Thankfully I have my cat Mia to keep me company and make lots of noise. She has a very much to say!

Any tips for coping strategies and moving forward? I would love some recommendations for treatments and things to try! What has helped you feel better?

- Emily

#ChronicIllness #FibromyalgiaDiagnosis #Fibromyaliga #FibromyalgiaSucks #ChronicPain #newlydiagnosed #feelingdefeated #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #PTSD #COVID19 #painallday

It's very hard for me to accept that anybody in this world needs me, regardless if I've met them or not. I understand that there are things that are beyond my control, and that in some way, I have to accept the fact that I'll know defeat more than winning wars. That I'll be standing alone more often. I'm consumed with the idea that I am nothing special. In those moments, I remember why I feel and am unwanted. I'm constantly fighting in a battle where I'll always lose. #MentalHealth #Depression #feelingdefeated