Gastrointestinal Stromal Tumors

I play of my own accord
We played in the Garden
Do you Remember, Adam and Eve Then
Innagaddadevida, or ask Axl then
He has one too
but I always think it was the Paradise city
overshaddowed like me
Now home to my tree
In a shaddowy blur
Like a soft pleace to land
On a hard floor or a small Velvet playground
What would you pick
I divulge everything
Have been Maria the Nun
for eons through and through
Now deal with abuse , is that my misuse
There's kids in this too
Their tears are like ours
We lose too much
Their personalities and their trust
So bake the scones
Keep the floor clean
Admit for which you are to blame
Admit it will never be the same
Once hurt for eons
Who shall we see on
Sometimes we are only left with blood from our wrists
That's the gist

Short version, I recently, 5 months ago, I fell on my outstretched arms/hands=FOOSH. X-rays were negative for breaks/fractures. From elbows to fingertips pain moves around. The final diagnosis is "I feel pain stronger because I have chronic pain," OMG?!!!! This accident has no f$#&ing thing to do with chronic, since it's the opposite, it's acute.
The desiccation, bulging discs, bone spurs, thruout my cervical spine, other bad problems throughout entire spine, proven with MRIs, were not caused by MDD or chronic pain; I was in 2 accidents in 2005, ocean and snow...these started me on the downward spiral into the hell, of idiot drs and unrelenting pain. I understand that my accidents have plunged me into chronic pain syndrome. You get the gist of the problems. I could go on and on with other instances, but what the hell is that going to help. Sorry for the pity party, I am on the edge and I could really use your help.

Pt. 3(Final)
Ok.
Tomorrow I'm Going To Talk About My Achievements, Lessons Learned, & Wisdom Gained.
Today I'm Going To Give 2 Examples Of Brainwashing.
**I Might Have To Split This Into 2 Posts Like Yesterday.**;;;;
1st Example:
My Mother Could See That My(Youngest) Brother Had ALOT Of Rage Built Up & Was Going To Explode Soon.
She KNEW That This Rage Was Partly Her Fault &,So, Part Of It Was Directed Towards Her.
She,Also, Knew That She DIDN'T Have The Rescources,Capacity, & Capability To Handle It.
(Another Reason She DIDN'T Want To Handle It Was Because She'd Have To Face Herself & The Truths She'd Been Running From.)
So, She Started To,Cleverly, Manipulate Him Into Seeing His Sister As The One Who Was At Fault For His Rage & As The One He Should Be Taking His Rage Out On.
She Managed It &, Once She Had Completed That Task, She & Him Plotted When It Should Be Done.;;
When They Did It They Trapped Me In A Room So He Could Do It Uninterrupted.
My Mother Held The Door Closed-I Don't Know Whether She Did It The Whole Time YET I Know She Did It In The Beginning.
He Backed Me Into A Corner & Unleashed.
I Don't Recall The Majority Of It Because I Shut Down & Checked Out.
I Couldn't Handle His Rage.
I Recall 1 Area Of It & That's It.
The Gist Of It Was:
I DIDN'T Step Up Like I Should've.
I Wasn't There For Him In The Ways That-He Believed-He Deserved, Needed, & Wanted.
I Didn't Step Up & In When I Should Have.
The Area:
According To Him Our Father Turned On Him When The Rest Of Us Were UnAvailable.
According To Him I Should've Been The One To Step In When This Happened-Why Didn't I?.
I Should've Especially Done This When Nobody Else Did-Why Didn't I?.
Also, He Expected An Apology,Comfort,Etc. From Me & I-Of Course-Gave None.;;;
Well, I Dissociated For Weeks On End Thanks To These 2 Jacka**es.
When I Came Back I Had To Work Through Quite A Bit-Including Redoing Work That I Had Already Done On Myself-Because Of How Much They Had Set Me Back.;;
Truths:
1) I'm NOT The 1 Who Made The Choice To Conceive-& Birth-This Jacka**.
Thus, He's NOT My Responsibility.
Thus I DON'T Have A Duty, Responsibility, & Obligation Towards Him.
Thus I'm NOT Accountable For & Towards Him.
2)I DON'T Owe This Jacka** Jacksh**.
3)This Jacka** Is Breathing Because Of Me & He Needs To Learn Gratitude.
**When I Was 13 I Was Forced To Take On A Role, That ONLY The Adults Should've Taken On & It Cost Me My Sanity & Physical Health.**
4)I Couldn't,Even, Take Care Of Myself-At The Time-& This Jacka** Was Expecting Me To Take Care Of Him-LOL.;;;
Anyway, I Was Going To Forgive Him For The Ways In Which He Abused(& Contributed To Already Existing Abuse) When We Were Children BUT, After This, My Attitude Towards Him Is That He Can Go Ahead & Rot In Hell For All I Care.
Also, I DIDN'T Want To Communicate With Him Anymore.
He Realized This & Created A Triangle.
He Tells Our Motger What He Wants Me To Know & She Tells Me.
Frankly, At 1st, I Didn't Like(Nor Want) This BUT-Now- I Don't Mind.
I CAN'T Handle Him & His Rage-Like Anger.
He Doesn't Expierience Regular Anger At All-It's ALWAYS Rage-Like & There's A Range.
I CAN'T Ha idle ANY Of That Range.
I'll NEVER Love Him, I'll NEVER Want Anything To Do With Him, I'll NEVER Take On The Duty,Responsibility, & Accountability-That Belongs To Others-To Apologize.
It's Just Not My Place.
I'm The Innocent Party In All This.

29.08.2019 (a message sent to a friend):
“I think I suffer from BPD”

16.05.2022 (said by a doctor in person*):
“I’m diagnosing you with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. Do you know what that is?”

———————————
* = I cannot remember the exact words, but this was the gist of it

BPD is called EUPD here in the UK. I was told this a few months ago when I first started the fight for a diagnosis. I didn’t realise how long I suspected it until the other week, when I found the original message expressing my concern to my best friend.

I didn’t get the opportunity to suggest it to my doctor until I moved away from home. And after that, I had to gain the strength to ask about it. A diagnosis is final. I can’t think it’s something else when I get diagnosed. But, saying “I might have BPD” to explain my difficulties gets tiring. I wanted the certainty, not living under a self-diagnosis.

I have no issues with self-dx, especially since it’s what I had to go by for almost 3 years. However, being self-dx meant that it was just that. There was no certainty, I couldn’t argue if someone said “are you sure?” (thankfully no-one did), I couldn’t get help related to it. And I ultimately just felt uncomfortable.

//

I wasn’t expecting a diagnosis today. Last time I mentioned it, the doctor didn’t seem keen, saying it could be bipolar disorder instead, among other potentials. Today was just supposed to be an appointment that messed around with my medication and looked at previous contact with the mental health services.

But I twigged about halfway into the appointment. When she started asking the questions. I met the 5 criteria she mentioned, and she didn’t have to mention any others. Even when I said one was probably a trauma response. I guess it was both.

It didn’t make it any less surreal when she said the words though. After 3 years to be told that yes my suspicions were right.

I’m not sure how a diagnosis will change things in terms of help. I thought maybe I would be able to be put on medication to perhaps regulate my mood, but apparently medication isn’t very effective. And I was already put on the waiting list of DBT. I guess we’ll wait and see.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPD #EUPD #Diagnosis #SelfDiagnosis #DBT

Good morning everyone. I am feeling grateful today. After 18 years of praying, my husband and I are getting in the same page. We BOTH had trust issues as a result of previous traumatic relationships that left each one of use utilizing different defense mechanisms to cope (my husband withdrew and I needed more attention).

Staring at the eyes of a possible divorce, we finally realized that we were seriously out if sinc and decided to ask for help. It is not immediately perfect, but is certainly going in the right direction.

We are on a small vacation now at Sight and Sound in Pennsylvania. The play centered about the story of King David… it was eye-opening. The storyline encompasses how God worked with David with love, correction and mercy throughout his life, which finally set him free. The gist of it WAS PERFECT for our situation.

We will continue praying and working on our marriage as the biblical book of Jeremiah teaches and having faith!
#GodisGood #Depression #PTSD #Faith

Hi, my name is EverythingJarrett (feel free to just call me Jarrett). I’m new to The Mighty and look forward to learning from other's experiences, and gain understanding from other's perspectives. I'm very science oriented, open-minded, and unless you can scientifically PROVE something DOESN'T exist, doesn't work, "it's a negative", can't happen, or isn't true, I'm inclined to be open to the possibility in the POSITIVE. (Can anyone PROVE there are no Aliens from outer space? Then I'm inclined to believe it's quite possible they exist, though I've got no "evidence" or proof they do!) .... On a personal note, I would love to know more about your journey, your struggles, and the "wiggles" you've created/devised with success, for whatever it is that complicates your life and causes you trouble. What are your wiggles?

#MightyTogether

#Crohn 'sDisease

#Depression

#Fibromyalgia

#RheumatoidArthritis

#PTSD #GIST #Stroke

Hi, my name is EverythingJarrett (feel free to just call me Jarrett). I’m new to The Mighty and look forward to learning from other's experiences, and gain understanding from other's perspectives. I'm very science oriented, open-minded, and unless you can scientifically PROVE something DOESN'T exist, doesn't work, "it's a negative", can't happen, or isn't true, I'm inclined to be open to the possibility in the POSITIVE. (Can anyone PROVE there are no Aliens from outer space? Then I'm inclined to believe it's quite possible they exist, though I've got no "evidence" or proof they do!) .... On a personal note, I would love to know more about your journey, your struggles, and the "wiggles" you've created/devised with success, for whatever it is that complicates your life and causes you trouble. What are your wiggles?

#MightyTogether

#Crohn 'sDisease

#Depression

#Fibromyalgia

#RheumatoidArthritis

#PTSD #GIST #Stroke