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Memories and Sadness

My Mom passed away 21 years ago. Today, I had the courage to sell her silverware that she’d given to me before she died. She gave it to me after we’d had an argument. I know she was suffering through pancreatic cancer. She’d become unhinged at the time and actually said she didn’t “trust me.” I was visiting once a week, driving 350 miles (one way) to see her, spending time with her and my Dad, and just trying to show her I cared. I think it was her illness talking, and her pushing me away because she knew she was going..

Anyway, I never wanted her silverware. I can’t stand to eat with silverware as it has a metallic taste to me. My Mom never knew that about me. She gave it to me because of the engraved M’s on it for her first name and mine as she named me after her. In 21 years I think I used the flatware once.

So, I’m also sad because I’m thinking about my own daughter who has metastatic Stage 4 cancer. I’m thinking about the amount of disrespect and disregard she has for me and her Dad, about how she’s basically thrown us away as her parents, as her friends..

I feel that we mean nothing to her, and so sleep won’t come easily for me. I just hope I don’t have #Nightmares because mentally I’m a mess right now…

#depressed #Insomnia #PTSD #sad #Regression I thought I was getting over being #ghosted by my own child, but F’ it still hurts, especially when I think of how I treated my parents, and about how she treats us!

I just don’t understand how I could Love someone so much, only to have them disregard me completely..

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Today’s giggle… #420 #Positivity #Happiness #Jokes #MissingMyWeed

Ugh. Sorry I disappeared. I ended up with pneumonia AND the flu! I’m at home. But NOT smoking yet. Thank you for oil!!!
#sick #pnemonia #ghosted #lol #OilForTheWin #ILoveMymedicine !


Scary Saturday - Have you recently been "ghosted" 🙀

With Halloween approaching, front yards are decorated with massive spiders and inflatable ghouls of all shapes and sizes.

But when we get ghosted in real life - when someone in our life disappears suddenly with no explanation - it can be very shocking.

Have you had a recent ghosting experience? Have you ever ghosted someone in your life?

I'll go first - I was dating someone at the end of August, and after six weeks they just stopped returning texts. No reason given. It's not knowing "why" that can be particularly hard.

If you'd like to share, leave a comment below!





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So Hurt. Again. #ghosted #Rejection #sad

I reached out to a friend last week via email. His birthday popped up on my calendar. We hadn't spoken since late March. I don't know why, but he just ghosted me at the start of the pandemic. When I reached out I made it clear that he was not obligated to respond. That I just wanted to wish him well and let him that know I enjoyed the time we had spent together(mostly). I told him I know that we had some issues. But all in all I thought we had a good run and that sometimes friendships just have an end date. And it was okay. Honestly, I didn't want him to write back or contact me. I just needed some closure on our friendship. Everything had been left hanging. Basically, I just wanted to say a proper good bye.

Full disclosure -- we had dated before we were friends. We just weren't compatible as serious partners. We have known each other almost 3 years.

He did write back immediately, seemingly very happy to hear from me. We exchanged a few emails and he kept asking about calling me. I tried to keep things light. But finally I just gave in and gave him my number, which he said he had "lost". Which was odd.

We had a lovely conversation when we talked. He asked me to send him pictures of the holiday drive thru light show I was going to that evening. He wanted me to visit him next time I'm in his area. That was last Saturday afternoon. I texted him three times between Saturday night and Sunday. He's never returned my text or sent me an email.

Ghosted again. It hurts.  I feel like I let myself get pulled in so I can be spit out again.

Why didn't he just let me say good bye like I originally wanted?

The GD pandemic is so hard as it is with constant isolation and bouts of loneliness. This event just kind of floored me.

It's been such a good holiday so far. My holiday depression aka Christmas Blues has been totally manageable.  Now I just feel like crap. I don't want to sink in to a depression. I was doing so well!

Does it ever occur to people how their behavior can be hurtful?

Thanks for letting me vent.

Sorry this was so wordy.

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Friend cut off contact suddenly

Hi Mighties! This is my first post here 😊
I have been struggling with a friend cutting off contact with me suddenly. I really cared about them and it really, really bothered me as to why. I mentally beat myself up about it over and over, and I had been feeling so horrible. I am feeling much better since I have been engaging with so many great people here. Thank you 😊
I came across this pic and it resonated with me, so I thought I'd share.



Anyone ever been ghosted or ghosted anyone else? #ghosted #FearOfAbandonment #Depression

I thought I could feel again. I thought that I found a connection . I thought that I found someone who gets me again. But did anyone ever really get me? The old thoughts creep in: not good enough, unworthy, you're an idiot. My Hope's are up to only have them fall again. Crashing, burning, worse than before.

You asked a question. My Hope's are up! I responded and added with another question to get the conversation going. No response. I try again. No response. Do I try a Third time? Maybe. This time no. I wait a while. No response. Depression, anxiety. I give up. Weeks go by. Recive another text. My Hope's are up. ... Wash, rinse, repeat.

I've done it too. Depression can be an ugly monster that consumes your time, Energy, emotions, identity, purpose. Avoidance of things or people you truly care about.

Is that what it is? Depression on their end? Is someone messing with me? I don't know.

I will make an effort in the future to respond timely.

Be straight forward. Be honest, even if it hurts the other person. At least if you are honest, the person can process it and move forward.

Ghosting sends mixed messages.
Ghosting is not knowing.
Ghosting breeds fear.
Ghosting is torture.

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“After all the time
After you
Had you seen me with someone new
Hanging so high for your return
But the stillness is a burn
Had I seen it in your eyes
There'd have been no try after try
Your leaving had no goodbye
Had I just seen one in your eyes
I can't give it up
To someone else's touch
Because I care too much
I can't give it up
To someone else's touch
Because I care too much
Could you tell
I was left lost and lonely
Could you tell
Things ain't worked out my way
Wish the best for you
Wish the best for me
Wished for infinity
If that ain't me
Give it up
I can't give it up
Give it up
I can't give it up
I can't give it up
To someone else's touch
Because I care too much
I can't give it up
To someone else's touch
Because I care too much
Give it up, I can't give it up”

I guess I’m the asshole because I actually give a shit

#sad #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #ChronicPain #Fibromyalgia #ChronicIllness #ghosted #TakeItOneDayAtATime #Loneliness #lonely #SuicideIdeation