how

#lonely #stressed /#frustrated #dispaxia #Anxiety #MentalHealth

#how do I stop crying every night

I just received word of a Very Dear Friends passing. This is hitting me so hard right now, I don't know how to cope. It seems like I am always having people to either walk out of my life or the pass on to the next life. What is hitting me so hard is, I didn't know how sick they were and I now kind of realize that their last plea was a way to say goodbye and I completely missed it because of dealing with my own selfish health issues. I am now flooded with so many memories. What do I do now? My Heart is shattered once again from pain and grief. I have never been able to deal with death very well as I have experienced so much of it in my time here. To make matters worse I hate fighting these types of battles ALONE. It seems that I am always in a battle, Where is the Love, compassion and understanding?
#Desperate to Heal
#Tenderheart
#I just want Forever Love

IM A BPDR 100% THIS DISIRDER IS ALL ENCOMPASSING AND ITS COMPLICATED BEYOND BELIEF WOULD LIKE TO FIND OTHERS LIKE ME OR NOT, I HAVE NO FRIENDS BUT I DO HAVE A MOTHER SHES A BRIT BY THE WAY , I THEORETICALLY HAVE INVISIBLE RAID AROUND MY ENTITY, IM ON OUTSIDE , NEVER CAN FIT IN , BECAUSE IM DIFFERENT PEOPLE REPEL AWAY FROM MEEE IT SEEMS
#how DO I PUT MY BIO PIC ON

I got mine in the mail yesterday just in case I turn critical before I can get to an out of state hospital with a specialist…. I got COVID in May and developed QT Long Syndrome so all psych meds stopped, except Elavil. June I had a stroke that left me weak on one side, not able to write or speak properly, or even more around well. Few weeks later I had a Dystonia episode that almost killed me. Elavil was stopped. My Gastroparesis was continually getting worse since COVID and because my heart meds are not option at this point. I now I have a PEG tube but still pleasure eat some. In two weeks I will be getting a PEG-J to completely by pass my stomach. I am in the hospital more than I am home so it feels like it. All I do is sleep. Life is hard and a long life just isn’t the cards anymore. My end of life packet came in the mail yesterday. Five Wishes. This is my PARENTS know my final wishes and planning a memorial service. It seems so backwards. I am only 33…. How did I reach this point? What did I do or not do? How in the world can I fix this when my state won’t even help me?! No idea how long I have to wait for Houston but my body is giving up and I am afraid I won’t make it to that appt. But I cannot bring myself to fill out this packet. Feels like giving up but my parents need to know these things….. #Gastroparesis #FeedingTube #CriticalCare #scared #how #why #doesitgetbetter #endoflife #longcovid #Stroke #LongQTsyndrome #HeartHealth #MajorDepression #Schizophrenia #Schizophrenic #Anxiety #PTSD #MedicalPtsd

How was everyones weekend? Mine was good.

How was everyone's week, this week?

Mine was good.

Please comment below, would love to here, how your week was.

#how is everyone doing?

I am doing well.

Please let me know, how you are?

#Fibromyalgia is killing me slowly