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One (RANT) DAY at a TIME

I’ll have #Gooddays & I’ll have bad, though I’m still constantly struggling with my #innerself daily. There are a lot of things I know I have to do, but either my #Anxiety gets worked up, or I’ll try to get it done, or I tell and/or give myself reminders & still somehow end up forgetting about it or I’ve become distracted.

I’ve noticed that my train of thought can now go all over the place. Which is why I now have a lot of notebooks that I could use if I needed to let it out.

When it comes to phone calls I need to make, or appointments to schedule… I spend hours worrying about the #Start - #during - & #End of the whole thing. Before I know it, I can’t call because they’re now closed. Of course now I’ve become #Irritated & #angry at myself.

It never used to be this hard. I know I need to find a job, even IF the job I had #terminated me in part of my #MentalIllness . I feel stuck with no #Positivity in site. & It doesn’t help that even with or without my anxiety ramping up, my #Pride will not let me ask for help.

•I give myself a ‘thumbs up’ daily for getting out of bed.
• I cheer when I have motivation to shower.
• I pat myself on the back, in my mind of course… when I do laundry & put them away.

I still struggle with driving anywhere if I’m alone. Hunter, who is my furbaby soulmate, but also my #esa is always by my side, & either one of my sons or sometimes both would join me so I’m not freaking out while driving on the road.

I feel #Guilt that I’m not being the mom that they need me to be. I feel bad every single time I ask them for help (when I’m getting #overwhelmed trying to tidy up the house). I am mad that my #breakdown caused me to fail in my performance at work & that I #Struggled to do the things they asked of me (because I was never informed from the start that there was info that they could show me & help me with #FMLA ‘cause it would’ve been easy back then to get things in order than it was a couple of months ago). I felt #invisible . I felt my #Voice didn’t matter. I tried… all by myself… in the end, the company I loved working at didn’t give a … about me.

I’m sorry for ranting about nonsense. :(

8 reactions 1 comment

#how #do #I #Start #

#CheckInWithMe I waa stabbed 7 times last year. I was seeing a Dr for my depression due to me losing my son and my dad died day of my son's funeral. I was attending counseling and it was not helping me. Yea I can talk about my son without getting a little upset, but I felt like it is more then depression. Fast forward a year later. I am seeing a Dr for my stab wounds. He said he wanted me back in counseling but to give me a depression medication with pain reliever. If I have PTSD how is any of this helping? I found out about the PTSD from a quizz from a study group for depression? It's getting over looked. They are professional but I discovered it. Any ideas please.


#Start NewBeginnigsPartyOf1

The more he tries to hurt me, the more I see how intimidated he is by me.


Lots of friends. #lost and confused.... on #edge

I'm here to help but don't look after myself. I #Love #people but #dont want to #see them as I don't know where to #Start #help . #people #Family #judge which puts me on #edge
#CheckInWithMe #happy to #help