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Wut2do#On the block

I am a crusty ol' broad- was diagnosed with rrms in 1970s.. I turn 67 next month. I have had a good life, so far. I walk about 1800 ft/day, love goodwill and other thrift shops. I am about to move into an adult family home. Will soon have a new chapter in my book. I became an occupational therapist in the 80's. There were few treatments back then, except for trying this or that. I didn't talk about it much, except in ms support groups. I am pretty social, and interested in many things. I like music, art, theater, good food, and conversation. It's been forever since I've had a glass of good wine. It's too expensive!

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One year post mental hospital stay

One year ago, I was escorted by police to a mental health hospital. At the time I was not told or understood what was going on. When I was brought in and finally realized where I was, I was scared and confused. While I knew it was for my own safety for suicidal thoughts I still was angry and frustrated. I was 1,500 miles from friends and family on temporary reassignment for work. Luckily it was only a 24 hour stay and while a ways away I had friends who came along side me afterwards with calls and texts. My boss was also super supportive letting have time off and work then with me returning to work.

Since then I have had two changes in meds and I still have bad days but since moving back, getting on right meds things have been on the up and up. However some nights or days I have nightmares or panic attacks of having police show up and being locked in an area scared and confused. They are less now than they used to be, but some days they really hit and make me wonder I have been fighting these demons in different forms for 15 years will they ever stop

#SuicidalThoughts #PsychiatricHospital #Anxiety #On #Depression #PanicAttack #Nightmares


Feeling is important

Failure is the foundation of learning. You don't fail you don't learn

3lvery time that you don't fail you're probably going to fIl harder cuz there's something coming up you don't know.

Every failure is one step closer to succes

. First part of being smart is knowing you're not

#BipolarDisorder #Autism #PervasiveDevelopmentalDisorders
#Anxiety #On #DepressiveDisorders
#codependancy #PTSD


My dog is dying

Maybe it's weird that I'm writing right now but I can see her struggling with her breathing and trying to stay alive even if she can't move ... She has this fear in her eyes that I somehow now... It's crazy how I can relate to my dying dog and not just emotionally because of course it hurts me but also with her struggle I can relate to the difficulty to breath, the fear, the anxiety ... It's just crazy how I've been surviving...
#PTSD #Trauma #On #Depression #Death #Anxiety

2 reactions 10 comments


Do you think a person who is not with you when you are in pain is worth being around to cherish your happiness with? ##On #Depression #Anxiety #CPTSD #PTSD #SuicidalThoughts #Pain #Happiness #Relationships #Friendship


Independence🤦‍♀️ #On #Depresion #BPD #AntisocialPersonalityDisorder #happy

My toxic trait 🤔
I’m antisocial and independent that’s a hell of a combo 🤦‍♀️

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Experience of intensive DBT programs


I’ll be starting a 24 week long DTB program. I literally with major depressive disorder and borderline personality disorder. It’s every Monday evening and ends in September 30.

I’ve just decided to take control of my life and try to gain some skills to manage my personality disorder. I just hate that BPD is so stigmatised. I’ve recently lost 3 friends because they would gaslight and misunderstand me. The worst part is that they all talk shit about each other’s back and told the last person I could trust in that group to be careful. I’m not a gossiper because if I have an issue with someone, I say it to their face.

People who talk shit about someone they “care” about are just not trustworthy and liars. The friend then sent my text to be careful about the others and she sent the message to them. I usually distance myself who talk shit about others because it’s so cowardly and disrespectful.

So, I’m still hurt but my psychologist has been suggesting DBT. Juggling this with my Masters is going to be a lot but I want to do it.

How has your experience been of joining at intensive DBT programme? #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BorderlineStigma #On #Depression #DBT

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The wrong side of the bed

I have so many admissions into hospitals that I have completely lost count, years ago. Between spinal fusions (3), staff infections, not knowing what was wrong with my stomach for years and then finally figuring that out and that it was Idiopathic Refractory Gastroparesis, the admissions list is excessively long.

Through all of those admits my mother was always there every day, day in and day out no matter what. Always kept a smile on her face for me and always came with all her love and support. (And some chocolate too but shhhhhh! Lol)

Lately I’ve been on other side of the bed and damn does it give a whole other level of appreciation and respect to my mother. She never once complained about being there, always brought things that put a smile on my face or make me laugh or just sit there while I took a nap through the aweful pain and nausea or just complete exhaustion. She was always there. Always my strength, and my voice of reasons on the days where I just wanted out, to get the hell out of there and go home. Knowing full well that wasn’t the best answer to my illness issues. But man did I want to leave, dozens of times.

I now find myself on the other side of the bed and most recently on just the other end of the phone due to COVID restrictions in the rehab facility she was transferred to. Damn it, this sucks. I don’t care how old you are. You miss your mother in one way, shape or form. That is if you are lucky as I am to still have my mother in my life. The strength that it must have taken her to see me
Like that, so sickly and helpless must have torn her heart in two because right now that’s the way mine feels. I draw strength from all the times that she had to be strong for me and that helps me get through the day.
But In the end, I just want my
Mom back, home safe and sound.

Mom, l now know how you felt every time I was admitted and I will never take that for granted or forget that ever. Your my world. Keep kicking ass and taking names at rehab

~your more than ever proud daughter

Laura. #Gastroparesis #Fybromyalgia #ParkinsonsDisease #On #Depression #Anxiety #MissYouMom

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My strength on the hardest of days

Oh my boy, he may be a very naughty boy sometimes. But the love, care and support this pup offers me is unconditional. I'd be lost without him.

#dog #Company #strength #On #Baddays #chronic #illness #m .e #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #Support



I’m living with this great anger and deep sadness. It feels like I’ve lost a part of who I am and now I need to play a part. I can no longer talk to my parents about any of this because I get shut down immediately.

I wish I wasn’t an overachiever at work, proving to those I’m qualified and to see me. I wish I’d just been mediocre. I would be lying if I didn’t say I enjoy the perks of being full time however how it was done and the loses it’s caused have haunted me since no matter what I do. My head is spinning, I don’t know what is right or wrong anymore just the anger, pain and sadness.

#sad #sadnesss #Anxiety #On #On #Depression #angry #inpain #Pain #help #soalone