I am a Survivor of #ChildAbuse and neglect. I have started a Grassroots Organization called AHHHS which stands for A Helping Hand for Healing Souls. I am currently working on some projects. I would like to ask any#AbuseSurvivors #csasurvivor #Incestsurvior if they could say in a few words how they felt when the abuse was happening, or what happened or how do you feel about it now? I am also having an OPEN MIC EVENT this Saturday for anyone interested in working toward SPEAKING OUT or the #protection of #Children , contact me at AHHHS1@OUTLOOK.COM new hashtag #365 For the ISSUES which one month out of a year is JUST NOT ENOUGH!!!
Speaking up about incest doesn’t destroy families, it makes things accurate.
Being alone with my thoughts is probably one of the worst things I can be. All the negative thoughts of the abuse and self blame come back. It seems like there’s no one to stop me. I know I should challenge those thoughts but sometimes those thoughts are overwhelming. Does anyone else ruminate over their past when they’re alone? #lonely #SexualAbuse #Incestsurvior #PTSD #BipolarDisorder #IntrusiveThoughts
As an #Incestsurvior I tend to beat myself up over everything little thing. I tear myself down, rather than build myself up. I have a very negative internal dialogue, which I assume stems from years of abuse. I have a lot of self hate and blame regarding what I’ve been through.
Recently however, I’ve started to look at things from a different perspective. I’ve reminded myself of that facts of the situation (such as I was a child when the abuse began and my parents were supposed to protect me). I’ve been reading about the effects of trauma and about others experiences with trauma. It makes me feel less alone and more validated.
I’ve been coming to the realization that I need to show myself some grace and compassion. For example, when I get triggered or overly emotional to NOT beat myself up and realize that it stems from the trauma. I’ve made a decision to see myself as a survivor and not a victim. I’m determined to work on more self love and care, giving myself the things that I did not receive before.
I often bulk at kindness or compliments because I have this strong distrust that it’s either fake or they want something from me. I am determined to work on this also. To any trauma survivor that needs to hear this: You need to snow yourself compassion and grace. You are working towards healing. It is not pretty, but it is possible. Utilize your resources. Reach out if you need to.
Don’t further traumatize or disrespect yourself by not practicing self care. I hear you and I am rooting for you. What you have been through does not dictate who you are or what you are capable of. Though it gets hard, keep fighting. You are worth it. Life is worth living.
I just watched or I was just in the middle of watching this documentary film about Borderlines. Halfway through it my fucked up feelings about myself (I saw myself described by the drs...& I saw myself in the individuals that were sharing who they were) bubbled to the surface so I stopped the movie. Then I just started to BAWL. I can still feel the leftover tears when I blink my eyes as I am writing this. IT’S NOT FUCKING FAIR THAT TRAUMA FROM MY PARENTS CHANGED MY LIFE FOR THE ABSOLUTE FUCKING WORSE. I’m beginning to have dreams ..vivid dreams where I wake up punching my pillows because in the dream I’m defending myself from my Mom. I’ve never experienced that before. I was an adult in this dream. Not a kid anymore. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why I had this dream. My back story is that I was horribly physically abused from about 2-12 years of age. I was sexually abused the first time at the age of 12 it went on to happen with 2 other men.(my moms boyfriends...the first by my uncle.) I was also raped by a classmate in high school. Because I had nowhere to stay when my Mom wouldn’t let me back in the house after I had runaway for like the 6th time. I think it was more than one guy ...I can’t quite remember. Then raped by an acquaintance in my 20’s. He sent a big bouquet of flowers to my job the next day. Yeah that really happened. What the fuck man ...emptiness is so much better than feeling . I really want to#Selfharm in a major way.
#NoFeels #Incestsurvior #PTSD #Anxiety #AdolescentSexualTrauma #rapesurvivor #ChildhoodPhysicalAbuseSurvivor #BipolarDisorder #Pleasecheckinwithme
I finally got out at the age of 21. I’m 34, almost 35, still plagued by nightmares and flashbacks, terrified that I will never get the things out of life I didn’t even know I wanted until recently because of everything that happened. I get so wrapped up in everything that was taken from me, everything that was destroyed, wondering who I could have been, what I could have achieved, maybe a family even, rather than this miserable existence alone where I can’t get the horrible images out of my head. I have a wonderful psychiatrist (for 13+ years), a therapist, I’ve done prolonged exposure therapy, and I still am miserable and often wonder why he didn’t just kill me. It would have been the kinder thing to do than leave me with everything, constantly taking everything out on myself via anorexia or other self destructive behaviors (SH, drugs, alcohol). I just don’t know how much longer I can do this. I really don’t.