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How writing can help you heal

Samantha was sexually assaulted in 2003 and she kept it a secret until 2014. For years, Samantha struggled with her mental health. She became depressed, suicidal, and hated herself. She was always a writer but stopped writing after she was assaulted. She completely lost herself.

In 2014, Samantha moved to Canada. She realized that this was an opportunity to start over. This was her chance to heal. Samantha began writing a blog to process her sexual assault. Her writing took her on a journey of self-love and healing. Her assault no longer controlled her or her life.

How writing can help you heal - AccordingtoDes

#SexualAssault #SexualAssaultSurvivor #rapesurvivor #MentalHealthAwareness #MentalHealth #healingthroughwriting #Selflove #selflovejourney #Healing #healingjourney

How writing can help you heal - AccordingtoDes

Samantha Laycock is a 37 year old woman living in Calgary, Alberta. She’s originally from Oakfield, Wisconsin. Samantha has been married for 16 years and is the mother of 3 children. Samantha was sexually assaulted in 2003 and kept it a secret until 2014 when she decided to share it by starting her first blog […]
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Hi, would anyone like to chat semi-regularly? Would be nice to have someone removed from my everyday life to talk to about all things, recovery, troubles and otherwise general life #Recovery #rapesurvivor #Support #Open #Anxiety #PTSD #Onestepatatime

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Granddaughters at work.

Ava, as close as she needs to be in order to see her IPad and completely buried in it. Amazingly, photo credit goes to her 8 year old sister, Maren.
Everything they do gives me peace while I await yet another diagnosis. #Fibromyalgia #Epilepsy #rapesurvivor #Depression #PsychoticDepression #Arthritis #AutoimmuneDisease

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This is the face of a Survivor.

Molested - age 5.
Raped - age 17.
Raped - age 39.

This is the face of depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder and PTSD.

This is the face of Hope. Perseverance. Resilience. Tenacity. Strength.

These are the eyes that, despite the trials and tribulations, see beauty everywhere.

This is the face of a Survivor.
This is the face of Bravery.
This is the face of forgive but never forget.

This is the face of a girl who has lost friends along the way. A girl who always puts herself last. A girl who still cares for those who have wronged her.
This is the face of a girl who prays for their salvation.

This is the face of a Survivor.
If I can do it, you can.

Never give up.


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Did anyone else

I haven't made an attempt in over 10 years. Now that, that is off the table, back to my question. I think I made, 4 attempts. The first at 15 or 16. Each attempt, after the fact I heard from family I had no idea. Well, no they didn't. I made sure of that. I put on the perfect mask on. The one time I didn't,I was married to a narcissist, and in case ya don't know they only care about themselves. Except when it makes them look good to the outside world. Oh, how could I forget narcissists that produced me. My ? is, did anyone else not give any clues? I didn't even leave a note. Figured they didn't care, and that was my final attemt to hurt those as much as I hurt. That was probably the worst part about waking up. Their lack of any change, proved how little their lives would change. So, one of first times I thought about myself, and my own needs. I stopped. I stopped because the thought of returning to ward that only adds to my PTSD, from more abuse. I stopped because I deserve better than that fucking torture ward lieing to the world that they save lives. Thanks for listening, and to those willing to share with myself and others.
#Suicide #Depression #Anxiety #BipolarDepression #CPTSD #Abuse #rapesurvivor


Emptiness is so much better #BorderlineStruggles

I just watched or I was just in the middle of watching this documentary film about Borderlines. Halfway through it my fucked up feelings about myself (I saw myself described by the drs...& I saw myself in the individuals that were sharing who they were) bubbled to the surface so I stopped the movie. Then I just started to BAWL. I can still feel the leftover tears when I blink my eyes as I am writing this. IT’S NOT FUCKING FAIR THAT TRAUMA FROM MY PARENTS CHANGED MY LIFE FOR THE ABSOLUTE FUCKING WORSE. I’m beginning to have dreams ..vivid dreams where I wake up punching my pillows because in the dream I’m defending myself from my Mom. I’ve never experienced that before. I was an adult in this dream. Not a kid anymore. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why I had this dream. My back story is that I was horribly physically abused from about 2-12 years of age. I was sexually abused the first time at the age of 12 it went on to happen with 2 other men.(my moms boyfriends...the first by my uncle.) I was also raped by a classmate in high school. Because I had nowhere to stay when my Mom wouldn’t let me back in the house after I had runaway for like the 6th time. I think it was more than one guy ...I can’t quite remember. Then raped by an acquaintance in my 20’s. He sent a big bouquet of flowers to my job the next day. Yeah that really happened. What the fuck man ...emptiness is so much better than feeling . I really want to#Selfharm in a major way.
#NoFeels #Incestsurvior #PTSD #Anxiety #AdolescentSexualTrauma #rapesurvivor #ChildhoodPhysicalAbuseSurvivor #BipolarDisorder #Pleasecheckinwithme


Trauma Hotline #rapevictim #rapesurvivor #traumatherapy

wouldn’t it be nice to have a hotline for everything we face in regards to our illnesses and the unwanted pain that has been inflicted upon us. we didn’t ask for sickness, pain, confusion, rape, unhappy childhoods, or the many scars on our bodies or in our minds. I believe in a Higher Power because He/She/It is doing mighty healing works in my body, mind, and soul. I am so grateful that I am being shown Light in the Darkness. Everything that has been done in the DARKNESS WILL ONE DAY BE EXPOSED THE LIGHT. I’m believing/knowing that this, too, will one day help all of us. The work is tiring to get up and be healed but IT IS WORTH IT!


oh crap

i have been doing so beautifully the past couple months with mental health. the past few days ive been feeling off. i dont know how to explain how i'm feeling off although i know what is causing me to feel this way.
i hate to use the word "anniversary" for what i'm about to explain because i feel that word is something that should be reserved for good things.
february and march last year i was raped. it's now coming up a year since both. ive been mentally preparing myself and drafting a plan to get me thru all of this. going as far as deleting facebook and messenger (not deactivating) for a long time; essentially cutting everyone out EXCEPT my immediate and very close friend group, my family, and boyfriend. im really nervous for these coming months because i dont know what to expect. i know it might get rocky. i know it will hurt and suck. i dont want things to get rocky again. i dont want to feel off/bad again. all i can do is keep my support system close and keep them in the loop of how im feeling, keep seeing my sexual assault advocate and therapist. im unsure of what to expect these coming months and im scared. #PTSD #rapesurvivor #Anxiety #anxious